i read your poems, but i can't read you.
what's the point?

other boys, they call me pretty-
well,
sometimes they do.
but still,
other boys, they touch my hand,
they like my hair,
they think i'm funny.
but they're not you,
and that rips me up.

the boy who once said i'm not his type
doesn't think
you are good
for me.
but
he doesn't know you.
he doesn't know
your pretty
folded
inside out
folded
right side out,
folded
into the pit
of my stomach, giving me butterflies.
oh, my god, i think this is what love feels like
when you’re stuck on the rewind
of a cassette tape,
because the player
doesn’t auto-stop,
and you don't feel like getting up,
so the tape snaps or tangles or knots.
either way it can’t be the same ******* song,
it sounds too different to be.
warbled.

but the beat is the same.
it starts off slow then speeds up
as the eyes get bluer
and her cheeks get warmer.
tha. thump. tha. thump.
tha thump. tha thump.
thathumpthathumpthathump.

if you love me, baby, just say so.
because i’m so brand new,
i’m so full of darkness.
you’re so ruggedly smooth,
so full of lightning.
i’m so brand new,
that i can’t read you like your poems.
i’m so full of darkness,
that i can’t feel loved anymore.
but, baby, baby, bubby.
i could love you like a poem.

i’ll be the body electric.
(i love as hard as a whitman)
i’ll be the master, the dream, the fool.
(i love as illogically as a kipling)
i’ll be immortal.
(i’ll love as sweetly as a dickinson)
i’ll be everything
you’ve ever read about and wanted,
if you’d just come clean.

so if you love me
if you love me
come clean.

I stand



Before you                       Cloaked




InVulnerabilty

you sent me
more mixed signals
than i could count on my fingers
but i always went back for more
because the pain was worth it

This nebulous
wind--
turning on
and off--
signals to me.

Three lulls,
three gusts,
three lulls.

Help me
with this
code.

I give out so many mixed signals
even I can't hope to understand
all the contradictions, though
that doesn't make them any
more intentional. I assure
you that I see exactly
what I am doing
though I'm
powerless
to stop,
because
each
conflicting
word and action
is precisely what I'm
feeling in that moment. So
with each passing day my feelings
seesaw back and forth, and we're just
stuck in the seats, unable to walk away
from the ride in which I have entrapped us.

we may loose
each other
as suddenly as
we met
years ago
under a bluer sky

many steps
have already
been taken

rituals of complaint
that point
to deeper troubles

no talk
about certain things

a joking camouflage
for unspoken
sadness

gestures of weariness
of irritation
and withdrawal

embarrassed silence
across the double bed

seven billion people
in their separate worlds

the next step
may be

so easy

* *

Why dont you love me, so you say
Why must you not show love and play
Why do you toy with me you ask
Why do you hide behind a mask
Am i not pretty like the others
Do you not show love cause of past lovers
Say that you like me but show me different
Claim to be close but you feel so distant
You flag me down into your runway
Only to shoot me with your gun play
It felt so right, now that moment is gone
Say that you like me, but it never seems long

i am right
to say that
you have left me behind
before whatever we had
was headed to a specific direction
they say "what goes up,
must come down"
but i think you stayed up there
and decided to not fall for me over again