"Don't go," I beg yet again.
"Do you want me to stay?" you ask, and I'm really quite confused as to how you aren't seeing that every single action of mine is pleading with you to stay with me tonight. I need you, need you to show me you love me in the most nonphysical and physical ways both, and at the same time I need you to understand all of that without me having to come right out and ask for it. I'm not trying to play mind games. Not at all. I need you, need you in the purest, rawest sense of the word. Yet no matter how many signals I put out they all slip past you. And after you leave, I lie there and cry to myself. Completely alone.

Some people only open the door
to slam it harder.

We wait for signals, hope and pray, but they're everywhere and every way. So maybe we're just used to them and, unaware, we look away.
But pass right by them every day.

you won't even look at me in school,
but when I show up unannounced
on Sunday mornings with smoothies,
your mom welcomes me in,
you descend the stairs with your graceful, conservative foxtrot of a gait.
you hug me hello and we laugh about things like normal people.
your dad comes in from the yard work to say hello to me,
ask me where I'm headed to college.
everything is the way it should be but
you won't even look at me in school.

Drawn blood,
From crossed lines.
It never fails,
The amount climbs.
The walls mark,
Targets; future sales,
Truth be told,
or it be written in brail.
The heart will always feel,
because tender, tend to fail.

Oh King of
mixed signals,
could you once,
be clear?
Your red light,
green light,
yellow light
are all on
at once.
Causing traffic
on the interstate of
my mind.
Backed up for hours,
your red light,
green light,
yellow light
are all on
at once.
Stay.
Go.
Slow.
Oh King of
mixed signals,
make up
your mind.