It takes so much self-awareness, inner strength, and confidence
to recognize, accept, and embrace your insecurities.

And when you finally do,
fear and self-hate have nothing on you;
it paves the path toward self-love
and personal growth without the fear of others judging.

I'm neither the mirror nor the reflection
I'm neither the presence nor the absence  
I'm neither the fool nor the sage
I'm neither the seeker nor the finder
and
I'm neither the sky nor the cage

I am someone I haven't been
since
I am somewhere in between and something unseen
But if I do know a thing
is that
I am sewing what I am with the not's that I keep clean

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                             Decaying Orbits

Wild vultures swirl in distant elegance
Circling gracefully in the high, cold blue
Wings beating the downdrafts into place and space
Then orbiting down, a narrowing decay

And landing lumpishly upon the dead
Their distant grace was but foul deceit
Up close they know only ***** and filth
Their orbits have decayed into decay

Perhaps at a distance we seem beautiful
But would we want to know ourselves up close?

Sadness became a part of me
taking everything I know
making it all gray
That's what I am

Trying to think of a new way to live
falling into old traps
spitting fire on my old life
trying to forget how to go back

Looking for a way to love
find a way to pick myself back up
gray isn't all I was meant to be

I think there's something about youth that a lot of 'adults' forget:
those years between 20-25, might as well be 15,
they are long and arduous
and will test your will more times than  you think possible.

But it is here where your character is forged.
Where your soul picks a path,
an identity in relation to this world.

Because what is the self if not in relation to another?

And from there, the current of this identity takes you along to 30, 35, 40, 50, 60 and onwards.

Some people buckle under this pressure,
it is intense and cutting.
And takes both rigidity in one's persistence
and
softness in one's heart.

Because a hardened heart cannot be imprinted on.

And that might just be the point of existence.
To be imprinted by love and to spread the same.

Kindness is a choice.

We choose in the pressure chambers of our 20s if we are nice,
or kind,
or neither.

I hope when you look in the mirror, you are as proud of your choice as I am.

It is this kindness within you
that you have nourished and grown,
with intent, and through a labour of love,
that will always carry you forward.

Kindness is a choice, but we were also lucky to be gifted this by Mom and Dad,
and from them ever since.

Their commitment to kindness
to keeping this softness in their hearts,
reminds me to do the same.

They have this inherently within them because of the communities they grew up in.
We are removed from these parts of our roots,
and that particular cultural piece
is not the same for us.

As such,
it will be our life's work to keep this knowing at the forefront of our minds.
And hearts.

However, this is still not a weight we must bear alone.
We do this in communities just the same.

It will not be easy
and will take both hard work and dedication,
but it does get easier.

The current picks up with time.

I feel fortunate to have you
on my team for this task ahead.

We have our work cut out for us,
and at this particular moment, we must go at it alone.

But that does not mean we are ever alone.

That community.
That safety net.
Those hearts imprinted with  yours,
of past, present and future,
always remain.

This is my hope for you
as you go into this next chapter: that even when you are alone, you are never lonely
with this knowing.

My heart always remains soft and open to yours,
M

I cast a shadow most clearly
In the light.
Better though this shadow
Then hiding in the night.


(C) - 2003