there are millions of people that I have seen for the last time... but how many of them actually saw me?

After a while, the sweet kisses you once left on my body, turned into scars, of your memory.

The once, beautifully simple moments we lived out together, are now beautifully tragic.

The bass of the music that blared through your speakers, the same blunt force is felt on the pieces of me that you touched.

your love is like a merry go round, and you left my wheels spinning.

there are those who live to see
and those who live to be seen

myself, i'd like to know
so I can placate my perils
of indirection and indignation.
to douse the flame of uncertainty
and quench this abysmal curiosity.

when the day ends,
I don't know
whether I see or am seen

my faith will falter
my ache won't alter
the afflicted anger
Still hoping it will waver.

I'm not good with hello's or goodbyes
because when you are someone as invisible
as a whisper on the wind
as the atoms in our skin
or a melody trapped within
there's no one waiting to greet you
and no one there to leave you

I'm just a cellophane wrapped scream
waiting to be heard,
waiting to be seen

I want to be thought of as wild, feral, absolutely uncontrolled,
I want people to see me as barely restrained,
I want my hair to be an total mess and my smile to be a little unnerving,
I want my hands to be as soft as the sweetest moss but my fists as rough as the stones beneath,
I want to look like I've just climbed a tree or I'm about to dive into the ocean,
I wish to be perceived as thunderstorm, a maelstrom,
I am lost but not looking for a way home.

I find myself clawing at the rays of light.
The way they flood and cease. Rivers to droplets
seeping through the cracks in the wooden walls.
They run through the gaps in my fingers too,
sometimes they go right through me.
Blood and veins glowing from the seams.
I can never figure out where they come from.
Or why they choose to illuminate me.
There are beauties in the world that beg
to be seen. They deserve the light I receive.
I want to give it all away. My spot in the visible.
Give me the silence of the dark. The empty
that surrounds. I’ve longed to wear it again
like a second skin; cold and comfortable.
I want to return to the dark I know I am worth.
Unseen, unheard, unbroken.

I like the light that bathes me.
and how it feels like wind.
But I feel the way it cuts
and I think it’s been too long.