Would I still see a girl who is tired of constantly being misgendered?
Would I see a girl trying too hard at looking good?
Would I see a girl not trying hard enough?
Would I see a poor excuse of a partner?
A girl who cannot possibly love someone else because she cannot find love in herself?
Would I see a girl whose self hatred seeps through her body with every aching breath?

Or

Would I see a person whose gender identity is respected and valid?
Would I see a person who always looks good without any effort?
Would I see the best partner I could be?
Would I make you happier than you've ever been?
Even if I cannot love myself, would I still be able to shower you with all the love in the world?
Would I see a person whose confidence can light up a room?

I crave the thought of switching places for a day.
Not just because I no longer wish to be myself, but because I need to know if I am good for you.

The girl in my favorite jacket
with my exact shade of hair.
The one with my same freckles
and that unamused stare.

She knows me more than anyone
and, at the same time, not at all.
So many noted, collected traits
but without the final call.

Kind or fun or silly
or whatever I may seem.
I know each of the parts of me
But what do they all mean?

The mirror shows me what I know
from outside, not within.
My reflection, both in and outwards,
leads to no conclusion.

I stare at them in earnest
with hope to realize
and as they stare back I ask myself,
what color are my eyes?

I don't know what to do
I feel like I'm constantly
Spinning
Around in my head

I don't know where to go
I'm a burden to friends
Always asking me why
I'm so down

I don't know what to say
Always hiding my feelings
Never using a megaphone
For my voice to be heard

I don't know
Why I'm upset
Why I'm afraid
Why I'm living

I don't know
Who I am
So to cope
I'll just disappear

why do i keep falling for the girls hours upon hours away?
is it for the sensation upon falling for the impossible
or is it purely because i just enjoy their existence
or possibly it could be both
i enjoy their existence but it feels impossible
because if i am friends with them and i tell them it could go two ways
it could bloom into a wondrous relationship
or it destroy the flower of friendship

so am i to enjoy the flower i have bloomed?
or risk plucking out the petals for a chance at love

decisions like these seem so daunting and terrifying
and the answers are never revealed
so unknown garden seeming thoughts will forever haunt my mind
or possibly turn into action with known results
if only flowers couldn't be broken
and purely bloomed and thrived

Her love
You know the sort
That makes you lay your head against the hardwood floor
Questioning yourself
Or no one in particular
Where did she come from?
Do you remember eagerly awaiting an answer
From beneath the crevices pushing against your jaw line
As the silence gnawed on your bones
Because I bet when she touched her fingertips to yours
Both of your souls response insinuated a path of many colors
Did her laughter warm your frost bitten lungs?
While her stare burnt bright behind your irises?
She probably tenderly confided in you a thousand silent words
Day after day
Until the depths of her beauty lit that fire inside
Igniting it with a smile that threw your heart into the wind
Every time
She was that commercial love , Right?
Misty meadows and crashing waves with summer salt
She was that drown in her kiss and leave you gasping for air, love
That lay your head on the hardwood and wonder where it all went love
Am I right?

I know I'm not worried I'm just upset
Because he doesn't think of me
Because we dated for nearly a year
We were part of each other's lives and now there is a hole
It's fine and I'm over it but it is still there and I acknowledge it,
Accept it,
When he can so easily forget it is there
Not missing him exactly
I'm more jealous of his ability to not miss me
I'm not that upset
Frustrated would be a better word
Yes I know he is gone and out of my life but he isn't just gone
I acknowledge him
I can't help but wonder what his life looks like without me in it
Apparently it looks like Ireland

am i in love with you
or am i in love with the idea of being in love with you

are you in love with me
or are you just in love with the attention i give you

do i love you
or do you just make me feel a little less alone
and i haven't felt "together" in a long time so i think i love you

do you love me
or do i just make you feel like you're worth something
and you crave my validation so you think you love me too

are we in love
do we love each other
do we want each other

or do we just need each other
to patch up the holes other people left behind

Puberty,
May be a reason.
But wondering gay or straight,
Is in my mind treason.
My body says gay,
But my soul says straight.
My mind says ignore it,
But which do I want to date?
Is it ok, to have need to be gay,
But have a want to be straight.
It's the opposite for most,
But for me I boast,
That I want to be straight, not gay.
If you are gay,
Tell me...
Is being straight okay?

where does it go?
does it dissipate
with every kneeling
at night
to you?

did we give it up
when we were born
into this world?
unwillingly,
unknowing of life;
****** into the
harsh environment,
flush and blind?

did it escape my back pocket
the second i imagined you;
walking along the sidewalk
as the cars collided
and i called out to you
for help?

where is the freedom.

we live in the
land of the free,
but when will
we begin to
believe
if the divine
is the truth,
and our free will
is the lie?