Two daughters,
Branch off me.
Form one child,
An image of me.

I am in them,
And they are in me.
My two daughters,
In the gaps between stars I can see.

The world is a blur but one image comes in focus,
A face they will remember as an aged version of their own.
My two daughters are staring at me.
I am a still image in a moving movie.

I love my children

more and more, they more and more –


love other persons.

How amazing
The trust you have for me
Even after I dissapoint

How incredible
The love you have for me
Especially in my angriest moments

How lovely
The way you hold on to me
When my attention is miles away from you

The way you get under my skin
The way your actions graze my nerves
With every little thing you do

The way you touch my heart
The way I beam with pride
With every small progress you make

The way I struggle
The way I gather patience
With each button you push

How fulfilling it is
To achieve that progress
In the smallest measure
In the largest proportion

It's not just love
But unconditional love
It's not just commitment
But undying commitment

father awakened

beckoned by bathroom in night

his death approaching like headlights in

rear-view

in cars he careened into cornfields so

long ago

in women he obsessed over

poured over while rolling tea

in records he flips through

languidly

suffering alone, retracting into song

crucifix still hung over his jaded bedpost

lotion still sits on by his bed

where he lay debased and tempted

by nothing

while his house breaths fissures

and crumbles

where his legacy sits truncated and dusted

in books of song

carpet collecting impressionistic stains

stove top counting days with soot

medicine cabinet reminds of his frivolous

youth

when he was foolish and paid bills

before he was afraid to climb his creaking

stairs

before he delivered flowers to the funeral

home

before the acetaminophen ate his soul

Growing up,
my mother next to me.

Growing up,
years in darkness- filth, fear and pain.
A feral loneliness.

Growing up,
a revelation, a smile.
So amazing, some people would notice.

Growing up,
my trust shattered- a back stab from all I had left.

Fear, confusion and tears... anger.

Growing up,
I end up in a new home. Hopeful.
For a time.

Growing up,
Rocks at my back- my ears deaf as I am carried away.
My feet bleeding, holes in my smile.

The nurse yet confused- why was I there?

Growing up,
I ran away.
I find myself in this foster home- a lot of work and a few smiles.

Growing up... I stopped.
Back to that darkness I had to go, this time with my newfound experience.
I thought to rise against the odds- to instead fail.

Growing up were all my problems, my pain, my debts...

I now cry over them.
I wish I could be normal.
I... hate it.
I am tired...

Chest caught
Tight,
A pressure weighing
Nothing seemed this heavy before
Nothing was so precious before
My whole world has been flipped brought smack back intoo reality

Just breathe

A love so pure
So strong
So fierce
How can I muster the strength to wield such a strong and beautiful being

Just breathe

Your ailments become my own
Your achievements fill my my heart
Your presence brightens my darkest day
I am so blessed to have you in my life
I feel unworthy to call you my daughter

Just a breath could change everything.
To stop my chest growing so tight