Mistakes are a demon
Bludgeoning you with a bat.
You get nothing but pain,
See nothing but failure.

And then your hospitable
Tormentor
Tells you to learn from
Getting beaten severely
By an infernal divine.

Its easier to blame others
For your own mistakes
Its even easier to blend in
When something higher is at stakes
But what you believe in
Are you sure you aren't making fool out of yourselves?

As a child growing,
time was my loyal companion,
Holidays coming in the perfect moment
Annual Birthdays never failing
Weekends always showing up.
But.
As an adult growing,
time has become an antagonistic companion
Never allowing me
To recover from
The past or
The present.
now there is another year gone
that includes
moments in which
I was drowning in mistakes
and seconds in which
I was floating in euphoria.
I want time to stop
For the ability to process
the gulps of bitter water
or sweet sensation of hovering in joy
as they happen,
Not when the ball drops
and we all scream,
For time has not ceased,
to show the world,
to show us,
to show me,
who is in charge.

are you okay?
have you been able to sleep?

every night I stare at my phone
as it all becomes about you
every day I continue on
just as I did before

you always thought you controlled me
you never believed me when I told you
I stood my own ground

but ill always wish ever night
I could look you in the eyes
and ask you

are you okay?
have you been able to sleep?

An addiction born out of concern
Administered by the ones meant to heal
I was not supposed to survive
Born months before my departure
Somehow I feel responsible for what you’ve done
Too young to utter my concern
What is adolescence, when you're absorbing all the tragedies around you?

I feel the force of the wind in my hair
And the cold winds blowing around me
The freezing calm and deadly storm
This sharp dagger of ice
That threatens to strike
My heart says no my soul says yes
But eventually my soul wins I guess

I let myself think of all the hurt I caused
The pain, the promises never kept
And let the emotions of loneliness and grief
Coupled with self loathing push me in deep

Ignoring the cold I walk inside
Not knowing or caring if I come out alive
Shivering a bit now, though my resolve doesn’t waver
I am enveloped by the storm
Now I become nothing at all