I sought help from you and all your kind.
To fix the cracks formed in my mind.
I reached out because all was dark.
In desolation without a spark.
Consulting you because my mind had flipped.
I don't recall the name of pills on that script.
So many now that have come and gone.
So many kinds you've had me on.
My mind and body with side effect.
Years and years of that neglect.
Going cold while changing types.
Try something new with all its hypes.
Still waving like a drowning man.
And despite my plea no change of plan.
Is this all your education can do?
What really is the point of you?
Years of drugs and threats of E.C.T
Do you know the new cracks you made for me?
I wont medicate this stuff not one more pill.
Not one of my mental cracks did it fill.
Feeling better just being drug free.
Thank you Doc for helping me.

I hate realizing I forgot to take my
meds. I don’t mind taking them. I need
them to pretend I can function. And
forgetting until the next morning can
be brutal, but I get right up and start
again. But when I realize they didn’t
slide down my throat and enter my
bloodstream in the middle of the day,
or halfway through the time of night
when magic unfolds and destruction
happens, I’m reminded of something.

I’m reminded that these small, white
discs with an indent down the middle
are the only thing keeping me from
climbing the tallest building and
taking a deep breath. I’m reminded
that I’m not in control. I’m reminded
that I wouldn’t want it if I had it.


-
by Aleksander Mielnikow

Look I'm awake!
I used no alarm!
Not torpid, no despair,
Pill worked like a charm!

I've been mentally marinating,
In a cerebral stew.
Truly amazed by
This chemical brew.

-  Shoutout to Zoloft

There he goes again, following the dark night sky
Advertisements mark his sense of reality
I'm here when he falls but no longer can I catch him
It's midnight, the hour of his calling. but the sun still shines and the owls Head still turns 360' to watch my back
I guess there's no turning back
Letters that sequenced in formula send flashbacks of 'dark knights'
If only I wasn't the joker
Harlequin girls and fancy dresses
We mingle throughout our stresses
Just dancing like we are something
But staying silent so he can say nothing
Purging on my own innocence
I wish it would snow
White, is that twilight?
Me in my purest form

I am tired of all the meds
The meds make me blurry
They are evil
They look for your weak spots and attack

If I could **** myself without leaving a bloodstain on the white carpet,
I would as long as I didn't have to stare at these four walls of my apartment,
Not one more day in complete and utter isolation,
Without a lover, friend, or companion,
Oh if I had a bottle of pills I'd down them all,
If there were enough stairs, I'd fall, fall, fall,
climb up to the roof and jump and fly,
Because here I am alone, barely getting by,
I push away those I love, and cherish those who get off on me,
I'm their little play toy, and they invade me with their armies,
Here alone in between these four walls,
I'm deader than a corpse, but not a doll,

Please use me in any way, as long as I can feel,
Just for a moment not so alone in my appeal,
Because just I'm stuck here in flesh and bone,
Doesn't mean I always have to be alone,
Just send me a way that doesn't end in crimson on snow,
And I'll be gone before dawn's light can show,

I call out night after night with rarely an answer,
And when they do it's for a night and they retreat fast and faster,
And the visits of my loved ones they grow shorter,
But me, I'm a glutton for punishment, so I grow heavier,
No one can love this damsel in her dungeon,
Spinning wool for a never showing master,
All I want is someone to love me for all my faults,
But all do is show one, just one, and my knights bolt,
Slain by the demon that is the shadow in my soul,
With silken hair of corn, that's my nightmares coal,
So bring me an out that ends with no blood,
And I'll be gone before the rising of the sun,

Please use me in any way, as long as I can feel,
Just for a moment not so alone in my appeal,
Because just I'm stuck here in flesh and bone,
Doesn't mean I always have to be alone,
Just send me a way that doesn't end in crimson on snow,
And I'll be gone before dawn's light can show.

And I can control my feelings better now.
The shakes are still there of course-
General anxiety is another problem to deal with,
But, since it's winter,
I can pass it off as just being cold
When the small child holds my hand
And asks me "why are you doing that?"

The drugs are working,
And I can feel myself getting calmer by the day.
The things that bother me don't so much anymore,
And the medication flows through my bloodstream
And into my brain, slowly changing it's
Chemical make-up, and helping me become
A better person.

The drugs are working,
And this is my first attempt at a poem in months.
There's no rhyme or structure anymore,
And it's lacking a certain something that you're used to-
The metre is non-existent, and everything has
Descended into free verse.

The drugs are working,
And I can't help but wonder if that's a good thing or not-
Perhaps it is. Perhaps it is the case that I have simply forgot
The unbearable pain from which my poetry was born,
But still I miss it- those ups and downs which made me... me
And now, as I stare blindly at some old withered tree
I forget what poetry lies within, and only feel forlorn.

The drugs are working,
The old feelings have gone away
And, with them, a part of my soul,
Which could not stay another day,
In this unpoetic hole.

But the drugs are working...