Will it be any better?
Could it get any worse?
Give me a sign, a mark, a letter,
Faith cannot sink in with force.

Do not lie or fret, just tell me,
Am I being used again?
What’s this power which compels me?
Should I run while I still can?

Then, when you came out of heaven,
When your raised me up from hell,
Glowing eyes, and wings of raven,
Willing to help and to rebel.

Things I think about at night-
How you saved me, gripped me tight,
How my heart just simply sings,
When I’m safe under your wings.

Random gestures of love
Random gestures of kindness
That light up my day
Like that one time
You said that you loved me
For no particular reason
Unrelated to anything happening
At that moment.

My heart filled with warmth
And a smile found its way
To my pale, usually dull face.
I looked up and said that I loved you as well,
And true happiness bloomed
In my fragile heart
After weeks of drought
After weeks of emptiness.

And my smile was so bright
And I felt so warm
You could have mistaken me
For the sun itself.
And we, sun and moon,
Were the only ones that mattered,
For earth could not affect us.

But then the incident never repeated
And instead of love
I got glares and silence
And your happiness continued
To feed on my own
As your hands continued to take
Every last bit of pleasure
I had to offer.

And as every sun sets,
I sank in the sea
of blue and grey
As I transcended into the mundane routine
Of being lonely when with you
For your arms do not wrap me with warmth
But only
Anger.

The sun and the moon
Live afar.
They complete one another
Yet they do not meet
And when they do
All light drains from the sun
An eclipse.

They say that insanity
Is doing the same thing
Over and over
Expecting different outcomes.

So what exactly was I thinking
When I tried to kiss your lips
Not a second after they spat lies
Like knives into my heart?

What went through my head
When I tried to hold your hand
Just a minute after it left
A red mark on my cheek?

What did I think I was doing
When I tried to embrace your body
A short moment after it pushed me
Further into the bathroom wall
To muffle my protest?

And why, oh, why do I keep crying
Every time you walk away
When a few glances later
You crawl back to me again?

And by what right do I keep crying
Every time you lie or fail me
If my arms are always open
And I love you all the same?

And by everything I know that’s true
By the last bit of sanity in my mind
I swear this will be the last time

And not because I’ll get up
Or be strong or walk away.

But because you’ve walked all over me
And all over again
I find myself holding on
To something-
someone that’s not there.

And with your next step,
I might just snap and break
And fall apart completely,
Just for your sake.

Nothing will come from this
You say on our bed
Nothing will come from this
I repeat to your head

Dreams mean nothing to me
You say at the table
Dreams mean nothing to me
I repeat as I am able

We’ll all be nothing
You say as we stargaze
We’ll all be nothing
I repeat in a daze

You cover my face
You cover my eyes
You filter my mouth
Now all I tell are lies

I will tell you
the truth,
adjust and fine tune
till your view
matches
the matchstick
reality I made
for you.

I will cut and clip,
snip and rip
all of the
fanciful
fairy wing bits
that I want you
to forget.

I will mold
and distort,
stretch and contort
till your
red clay mind
conforms
to the norms
that I formed.

But if you dare despair
act scared
and air
your understanding
to try and repair
everyone’s
perceptions
of our shared
reality,

I will find you,
and take your rationality,
ostracize, or exclude
till you die
or submit to
the prechewed
military issued
world order
I eschew.

We press our bodies together
Forcing separate atoms to form one
Of a new breed,
But it will never be achieved
We don’t bond
Just periodically breathe.