When I sit alone,
Someone will ask, “Can I use this chair?”
Then carry it to another table
To laugh with friends over there—
Leaving me, still and silent,
Closed off like a clam.

Splinters from a dead tree, afloat at sea,
burrow into my neck,
jolting me awake at sunset,
reminding me that the thorns serve
to keep us looking to the horizon
for a softer place to lay.

Maybe life can drift. Maybe it can float by,
like wood that forgot it was part of a forest.
I too was torn from the forest,
adrift without the ones
who once held me steady.

But then,
in the blur of a mirage,
I’d land on pain’s shore.
And I’m sure
that life, out on that log,
was gentler than this:
fire ants, rocky beaches,
the carcass of a beached whale,
and creatures that never found their way
back to the sea.

micro-dosed affection again, lesson never learned.

sometimes i feel invisible
either like everyone looks through me
like i'm not there
or like they see my appearance
and don't look further

i am a person too
my identity matters
see me for me
see me in the room

i feel like an outcast
a social pariah
like i'm a wallflower

Someone once told me;
"Writing is a lonely experience"
It really is
No one sees you toiling away at night
Fighting the demon of anti life
as he tries to make you end it all
No one sees how much thought you put into one word
As you alight your tired mind trying to predict how this will impact your story
No one sees your many hours of work tearing away at research while fighting the demon of madness
No one sees your dreams and aspiration to be the best
And when they do you become a golden rag
Used to clean the fat cats dark mouth
No one sees your endless night trying to organise your ideas into fantastic world and when they do they link it to something unrelated
No one sees how you slowly lose yourself to the unrhythmic assonance associated with the unrelated
No one sees just what you're trying to portray as they have to interpret their own meaning
No one hears the click-clack of the keyboard that slowly hypnotize you into oblivion
And if you finally finish you hate it

I can't look at the stars                                                            ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
and not think of you                                                              ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
   I wonder where you are                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
and if you lonely too                                                              ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I can't look at the sea                                                              ­                              
                                                                ­                                                        
or it's waves of blue                                                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                              
without remembering me                                                               ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
being there with you                                                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I can't gaze at the sun                                                              ­                                                      
                                                                ­                                              
when it's shining outside                                                          ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                              
only you light can me up inside                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                      
I hate being out at night                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­     
if the sky is too clear                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                
knowing the moonlight                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                                      
is reflecting off your hair                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­       
 If I were to go blind                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                   
and I couldn't ever see                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
I' d see you in my mind                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                  
you haunt my memories                                                         ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I can't live without you,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
how can you be without me?                                                              ­        
                                                                ­                                              
Don't you miss me
too?                                                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                              
Aren't you ever lonely?

The wind is humming

low in the deep cave, it sings --


itself less lonely.

dissolving;
the shadows of a faint memory
are left behind by palms of a stranger,
grasping ahold of the glassy walls of my heart;
but your eyes drift away as if to tell me
i never held a moment in your eyes,
as if i was just a muse,
the briefest study
in your work in artistry;
so please
meet me back in five
if i matter

to you

the loneliness glides over my skin
burrows deeps
and settles into my bones
no matter what I do
it never leaves
I could talk all day to everybody
I could have a million friends
but I would still feel the same
lonely
soul chilling loneliness
never ceasing