Today we are going to do something different
Today you will leave your rooms
Today you will go on a journey to healing

Is that purple?
Yes actually, it represents the mind charkha
A journey inside yourself,
Your third eye

This is a meditation exercise
The room on low light,
Music drifting in the background,
Flowers in water,
Sparkle on the ground,
Covering a purple labyrinth

This is where healing truling takes place
Not locked up,
Being yelled at

Sure I was put with the girls,
This is nothing new to me,
The price of safety,
But this place was different,
Different from the last,
They cared,
Not just about making sure I was still alive, but also that I was /alive/

On this purple floor,
Today,
Sparkles on my hands from where I was on the ground
A grand release into a new place
Gleaming
Thinking
Releasing
Healing

I
Whispering winds whip the lake's eastern shore.
The towers above stand still,
gazing upon the infinite individuals below,
within the concrete maze; this city speaks to me.
It utters thousand of voices simultaneously.
Some unfamiliar to me,
all keep the labyrinth in mind.
Each voice different,
each voice similar in its journey
to conquer the labyrinth.
I too share the same goal,
but in the labyrinth, most don't know what I know.

II
The river twines around towers
creating the famous "loop."
The river's end irradiated for man,
until we flipped the flow in
labyrinth's past to avert windy shores.
The once river's end, now a beginning.

The labyrinth's bourgeois lie due north,
It's extravagance exemplified by magnificent miles
where whimsy wanderers flaunt status
and to the west and south,
an eternal siren's call resonates for all voices to listen;
urban decay haunts the once prosperous.

III
For only collectively can the labrinth be tamed
and imminent ends for those unworthy.
The lake, the river, its towers and people
shall never be neglected.
For only collectively can the labyrinth be tamed
and this labyrinth is all that I know;
this labyrinth is Chicago.

How do we get out of this labyrinth of suffering
We walk back and forth
From one destination to the next
Not ever knowing where we're going

How do we get out of this labyrinth of suffering
Do we stop where we are
Never to continue our journey
Or do we keep walking this long labyrinth of suffering

The easiest way in some eyes is to just stop traveling
And set up camp where we are
But what if where we are isn't good enough
What if we truly believe there is something outside of this labyrinth of suffering

Someone once said which is he trying to escape-
The world or the end of it?
Living or dying?
In my eyes, there is no way out
The labyrinth is both living and dying
The world and the end of it
There's no escaping this labyrinth of suffering

See how she had changed
See how she had grown
Nothing stayed the same
All were due for change

She cried to the world
But it never understood her tears
She gave out a brittle laugh instead
For the whole world would always seem not to care

She'd been always compromising for everyone else
Yet she ended up getting nothing in return
She was trapped in the confusion of her mind
She was lost with no way out

She was in the labyrinth
So labyrinth she became
Who was she?
*She was someone she never wanted to be

the words of a stranger
a hundred realisations
a mixture of salt and water
enough to fill a bowl and a half
the words of another stranger
a cosmic shift
and an inscrutable force of will
is all it took
and some more
for her to pick herself back up
and ride on
and out of the labyrinth.

It is said that those
who have emotionally touched you
leave an everlasting imprint
on your beating heart
and shining soul
An impression of sorts
like one of a fingerprint,
the swirling patterns of their delicate fingertips
pressed against our skin
leaving a permanent mark
for everyone to see
a tattoo of beauty
or sometimes,
a scar of spiteful hatred
and sham
The imprints left on our skin
eventually travel to our hearts
recreating our character
and traveling to our souls,
shaping us anew
taking and reshaping our very beings
to become a kind angel
or a vengeful demon
refining our once innocent minds
to become something else
Fingerprints pressed to our eyes,
lips,
hands
and feet
either leaving us with good impressions
or wicked intentions
It is not for us to decide
whether those who touch us
leave fingerprints of swirling beauties
or a labyrinth of anguish
but we can decide
what we do with these unique tattoos
and what we create using
their magnificent power.

“How do I get out of this Labyrinth of suffering?”
“Straight and fast.”
“Forgive”

There’s never really an answer.

I met you.
Friends, yeah. That’s how it started out.

But friends… almost never stay “just friends” forever.

Think about it.

Kindergarten. You thought they would be there by your side forever.

Junior High. A giant wake up call. Those people you thought you knew? They aren’t the same.

High School. New people. A new chapter. Okay, great. Make friends. Make promises you can’t keep.

Now.


Things complicated themselves in a way I would have never imagined.

I looked at you the same way I always did.

You were my best friend. You told me things that made me realize that life… it’s not so beautiful. I stayed awake every night. Wondering if you were going to live to see the next day, to see me. Wondering if I would be the last person you told:

“I love you, past Pluto”
“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”
“I promise.”
Or
“I never meant to hurt you.”

Well you did. It was never the kind of physical hurt that left you in agony for only a few hours. No, this was an emotional hurt. The kind that left you scared, worried, anxious. The kind that knew it was all your fault. That knew you were the reason they hated themselves, the reason they wanted to die.

Yeah, that kind of hurt runs deeper.

So I sat there everyday. Not able to focus, not able to think about anyone but you.

And then…


Bam.

You hit me with news that I didn’t know what to do with. So I told. I told her everything. It’s not like I could keep it piled up. I would have drowned. Both mentally, and physically. Yeah, you didn’t realize it. But it was that bad.

Well, it’s not like I told her everything. She figured out most of it.

And after, I felt awful. Like I broke a promise. I’m pretty sure I did, but at least I told someone whom I knew you trusted also. It was a heck of a lot better to have someone to talk to about everything. Someone else that I knew would try her hardest to understand.

See my problem? Of course not. I haven’t told you everything.

The news. Right. How could I forget?

You told me you loved me. Not the “you’re-my-best-friend” type of way, but the “I-want-to-date-you” type of way.

So here’s a question. What do you do when your best friend:

1) Self harms (sometimes because of you)
2) Loves you. Like, really loves you.

My answer: I don’t know.

You think I have all the answers. But I don’t.

I don’t know why you self harm.
I don’t know why you love me.
I don’t know how to make things better.
I don’t know why you’re so upset.
I don’t know what to do.

I love you. I’ve told you that before. But not the way you love me.

“It’s not the same.” You say.

I know it’s not. And I feel worse and worse every day because it’s not the same. I know it hurts you.

I don’t want to hurt you.

There’s my problem.

Back to the labyrinth.

Straight and fast: There’s no way that’s happening. I’d **** both of us in the process. You, because you would never know how much you mean to me. How responsible I feel for you. How much I love you. You would never know.
Me, because I’d **** you. And because of that, I’d have to go.

Forgive: That’s not the answer, in my case. Who do I forgive here? I can’t forgive myself. Because I’m the reason you hate living. I can’t forgive you. You’ve done nothing wrong.

So when asked the question:

“How do I get out of this labyrinth of suffering?”

My answer is simple.

“There is no way out.”