it begins like this:

I didn't realize fall was ending
that global warming brings various change
so when it became cold
my bones reflected the weather reports
till they became disjointed//dismembered
with all the other broken
parts// tumbling along with it.

and now my injuries are representing all four seasons and everyone has got their way, got their reasons...
so I ask the universe this- if the earth will just have a little mercy on me...

please..

i will kiss each one
of your knuckles
just to remind you that
pain and love go hand
in hand

but
oh
how we punish ourselves
with both poisons

and i cannot tell if it's
you or i that brings us
back to this repetitive idea
that love will kiss our
scars and wipe at our
tears with hands equal
to that of
satin bows found
in sewing boxes

but **** did you love
how satin shimmered
-DDF

You were the boy always drinking and high on drugs
and I was the girl always falling for bullies and thugs;
in our toxic relationship you smashed me into pieces time and time again,
yet still I chose your "love" regardless of the torture, abuse and the pain.

where did we go wrong
I know I can't stay here
I hope you take care
wherever that is

sometimes you makes me feel like
such a *****
that I'm convinced I'm even more sick
you laugh at slit wrists
but you can bite the tongue you bit

don't to bite the hand that feeds you
I wish you fed yourself self respect
so I could swallow and digest it

here we go again
where did we go wrong
I know I can't stay here
I hope you take care
wherever that is

you might find me somewhere
my plans for the future
includes a steady vocation

consider this a vacation
as my poetry travels through the air
I'll be making rhymes and cop
some flows

just hope you're not another
obstacle because you are the fork
in the road
when i need to make a right I make a wrong
yet continue along

where did we go wrong
I know I can't stay here
I hope you take care
wherever that is

yesterday was like today
but today I trust even less of what
these people say
I live in shame and take all blame

it doesn't matter how you choose
to play the game
the game plays you so respect yourself
and don't forget
what you're about
or where you're from

where did we go wrong
I know I can't stay here
I hope you take care
wherever that is

snap goes the bones and the
self esteem watch it's disintegrating soul
the lies and truth it holds
and the physicality unfolds

snap

the bruises remain bold
whether you can see em or not
black and blue- the color purple
is my camouflage

snap

snap goes the crackle and pop
it's got the veins running on adrenaline
pretending it lacks what I can do is save other people in the struggle
or change the planet
but I can't even help myself god ******

snap

snap goes the heart
**** the insults
**** the compliments
i just want some common sense
I tried to stay strong but I wanted it all
I guess just watch these London bridges
f a l l

snap

snap goes your fingers to rhythm and flow
slap goes your palms to something other than countertops at bar spots
not so fast- it isn't the Beat Generation
I'm convinced you live in the past

snap

I'll be ****** if this is forever
because I have a head full of poetry
yeah. **** me. I can't stop these
similes and hyperboles
literary insomniac

snap

and I'm going to open a map to
snap back into reality
where fear and pain reside here
but one day they won't find my tracks
relax and forget
because Im never coming back

snap.

it tears me apart
knowing that you will
never be able to have me
as I was

the innocent child running
her hands along off-white
walls
seeking Something she had yet
to find

the me before that Something
had found

the me that wouldn’t flinch
when a hand reached to
caress my skin

the me who looked
Something in the face
before it had bruised
all of her

the whole me
the me as I was

not this broken me
-DDF

HE held a Belt around my life -
I could hear the buckle snap!
He held to my neck, a knife;
My own lifetime trap.
He is the Lord's Duke -
And I am his title-deed.
He is dedicated to fluke,
No matter how much I plead.

He rings his loving bell -
And I face the toils.
This Lightning fell,
Upon his coils.
To live in his Time,
Enticed by his Angels divine -
Whose invitation, know you not;
Of whom I must decline?

It was once said that we "accept the love we think we deserve",
and I think of you and all the ways you'd shatter my nerves;
when you'd raise your voice or even a hand
every time I did something wrong - a mark on my skin you'd brand.

I was your canvas and your punches were the paintbrushes colouring me in,
painting me in explosions of blue, purple, red; completely covering my skin.
I took the poison you leaked and absorbed it entirely,
calling it love and I thought of you very highly.

I'd just wipe away my tears and apologise for making you mad,
convincing myself that I was the one who was bad -
but really you were the gunman shooting me down,
and the one pushing my head under the water hoping I'd drown.

It was once said that we "accept the love we think we deserve"
and as I sit here reflecting our "love" with reserve,
I realise I thought I was worthy of nothing but your violence,
but now I know better and the compassion I truly deserve is priceless.