my inability to feel
plagues me
defective

the endless lies i live
the conversations in my head
they encircle me

please don't take it personally
i grow colder with each passing day

as quickly as love turns to hate
as quickly as hunter turns to prey

meaningless, empty words
meaningless, empty eyes
crying void
trying to expel

someone else to give me meaning?
no, i'd rather not
i'd rather die inside a hollow life

He ran from my demons
so I wouldn't have to.

                                      He yearned for more time
                                                     like I should have.
He lived as me.

He broke as me.
                                                          He spoke in me
                                     so I wouldn't have to.

           I didn't tell him he was human.

She’s a dark enigma
But only to herself 
She shines such a bright light 
So kind, forgiving, beautiful
Little does a soul know 
She hides so well 
An evercarbon fir
She bares nothing 
Skin, bone, teeth 
So human but so alien 
Disassociating 
The abyss calls her 
Asphyxiates her slowly 
Wraps around her mind 
Taking her away 
She follows the rabbit 
Everything is forgotten 
A lucid life dream 
Everything so tangible 
But left behind 
Infiltration of the mind 
An inward corpse
Walk all over her 
Take advantage

I still love you
In all of my indifference
And the time that I have spent floating
When you don't so much
As cross my mind
You're still alive
Living in my lungs
Stealing all my
Oxygen

guard the grave
trough the dark days the light nights
in my hand: a shovel, ready
for memories digging their way up through
the veils of pretending
think they still have a heartbeat

while down in the soil
I sleep better I now get to in my own bed
do you remember, the dreamer whispers
how you used to gaze the
glow-in-dark stars
not afraid of the dark but looking for a wish

tonight the sky above frames of dirt
laughs with the distant suns
behind my back

I lie with myself
in the cold lap of earth
I lie with myself
up there ready with: the shovel, the guilt

and the glow-in-dark stars warned me, I think
of how our lips turned blue years ago
that it's me I'm burying over and over again
it's me who is dead
but I'm warm, I'm good
I lie with myself

I'm aware.
Just sitting here.
Aware of the sounds of the sweet music, like a nectar in my ear, awakening every cell in my brain.
I'm aware of the soft blanket touching my bed.

Oh how long have I been asleep for, before awakening into this life.
For I have been lost for so long.
It's been a dream state. I've been a dream state for so long. But I don't want to anymore.

I want to awaken and smell the flowers. To feel the gentle touch of this life. Of the reality that I am born into to understand the depth of the life I have been so gracefully granted. To hear the children laugh and to see the kittens play.

For I have been in such a long slumber,  the time before I did not understand, I did not see, just floating in a dreamworld so preoccupied and unaware.

But now... Now I am aware, Now I am alive more so than I was before. I live and breathe with ever ounce of my being. No more doubt no more resistance or hesitance, no, now I breathe. I breathe the air that I have been given. I breathe.