when i die
could you plant a willow in my eye?
and tell Ever, Kaleigh and Rye
that i'm sorry but they're far stronger than i

and when i go
could you bury me in the garden patch?
where i watched a baby spider hatch?
and where the raspberries don't grow

cause when i'm gone,
i'd like to be a weeping willow tree
would your grandkids come and visit me
and close their eyes and feel the breeze?
i don't want to be lonely

and when i'm down just three feet under
(since i was never really whole)
and you won't see me any longer
since i won't get a funeral
don't visit on my birthday and don't come cry at my grave
i don't want you stuck on guilt for somebody you couldn't save
just think fondly on the memories that we made

so, when i die
could you sprinkle dandelion seeds over my scars?
and take good care of my ****** car?
and don't let dust collect on my guitar

and when i go
just tell Nathan he was funny
and tell Wyatt that he's sweet
and Josiah that he's kinder than he seems
and to Audel, i hope your truck gets fixed
and thanks for everything you did
even on my worst days, you didn't leave
and you'll never know just how much that meant to me

and i don't know if i believe in God
but i'm looking for him everywhere
i just want something to trust in once i'm gone
i almost want someone to tell me to hold on, but for how long?
i think i'm tired of holding on
i think i'm done

when i leave
don't tell Lydia what i did
just say i went on a long trip
i don't want her to see the real world for many more years still
tell Theo that i'm proud of him
and tell Lori she's a *****
and Franny that I never blamed her for being the favorite

and when i die
i'm sorry if i make you cry
i'm sorry if you're angry or you're sad
just know i lived the life i had
and i hope i didn't do too bad
and i hope i left this world a little glad

so, when i'm dead
please plant a ring of rosethorns round my head
and make sure my cats are loved and fed
and don't water my grave with tears that you shed

because when i'm down just three feet under
since i was only half a soul
i don't want a shoddy gravestone that'll crumble when it's old
turn me into a willow, seriously
and let kids climb up into my leaves
and if you must sell the property
just tell them that beneath the roots is me
and i'd appreciate it if they let me keep standing

so. when i leave
and when i am just three feet deep
and when you cannot fall asleep
just come visit the willow tree
not for guilt and not for peace
just come visit the willow tree
and together we can be lonely
just come and visit me.

under the sea-****,
where there are factories,
the seas are covered in red,
Auntie said not to swim in it,

The ***** and the fish,
was told never to touch it,
it un-nerved a 6 year,
bodies were a fear,
I couldn't play with them.

Their eyes were un-blinking
and I suddenly felt death,
their gulls were not breathing
and I started hyperventilating.

My auntie said to communicate
through them as the sea-shells,
could hear them still breathing
but the Ocean wasn't lying
and so I asked my Uncle,
He said straightforward,
they are in one way dead,

I've had tracks running down tubes,
into the moisture of her mouth
just hours before I lost her,
and I wipe away the tears.

You have hospital spreads,
to keep her comfortable in,
she was frosting at her mouth,
"Nothing we can do for her"

Hold on, as this adrenaline,
running down this tic tac toe,
Has to be a different result,
a coffee since loss of energy

Perhaps she timed it,
when 36 hours had crept,
and I needed caffeine,
and left me not wishing
but long time asleep.
If anything your death,
kept me awake for 72 hours
I would have killed myself,
for 12 of hours adrift
swapped in so deep.

The words claw themselves
through miles of skin
and bone.
It is a path carved
of blood and tissue,
a journey made
in the silences
between sentences.

Gagging, coughing
up my thoughts
until I am a mess
of misspoken words
and unfiltered thoughts.
It is a sickness,
and the journey’s end
is a death sentence.

There once was a day when we both wore stripes
Distinct lines that undeniably connected us to each other.
Mine had already shifted to black.
Yours were still a light gray –
Soft and subtle.

Now I watch you stand on your own.
Head held high with understated confidence.
Be it sincere or feigned,
doesn't matter.
You're clad in plaid –
Infused with the stripes and lines embracing you all around as contributing designers silently admire in awe.

The black tee underneath —
the closest visible cloth to your heart —
pulls it all together.
You keep it concealed and dear,
Yet show enough to share.
Constant reminder.
We all know it's the reason we're here.

There will come a day
When your whole ensemble is painted
With every hue and shape imaginable.
The influences of past, present, and future
All melded into one stunning garment -
The monarch knows no such splendor.

Soon enough, the black tee will be cast to the side and long forgotten -
Inevitably replaced with an everlasting warm embrace.

Never again will I hear you say,
"I hate change."

it flows like sap down my left hand
slow at first, but steadily gathering speed
warm drops of life drip down my fingers
a beautiful dark crimson hue covers the floor
the contrast is quite astounding
the dark red against the white tile
the red is on a ravenous war path
dead set on conquering every bit of white
the white puts on a valiant fight
to hold back the conquering red
but it is futile, the battle is already lost…
as the red covers the last bit of white
I close my eyes