Side to side
His eyes were wandering.
"Are you fine?"
Came in my worried voice.
With piercing eyes,
Eyes I didn't understand
Of either hatred or wondering love
With eyes that pricked me, scotched me
Eyes that set my heart on the burning fire without smoke
With eyes that sent the burning heat in my tummy
He looked at me
Little did I know....

Diannie, look at me
At last he said.
It is over now.
With anger  I blushed my eyes
To the other side.
Diannie! Look at me.
"Ooh! What a hell is this?"
Something ran into my mind.
I can't imagine losing him
Tears watered down my cheeks
At a speed more than
The running waters of river Nile

Take it leave it, look at him
What if you miss on it
Something elaborated in my heart
Gaining my skeletal courage,
And grabbing tears off my cheeks
I turned
Only to see... Hmmm?
Little did I know... .

Diannie, my love
Shall you marry me?

Numbness swept me off the earth.
I can't believe it though I couldn't wait it anymore
My heart exploded with love,
Joy, happiness and excitement

Do you really mean it?
I asked just because
Little did I know  
That the communication in his eyes
Was not of sad news,breakup, desperation,disappointment, dismay
But rather...

Little did I know
That the eyes were communicating great news of
Joy, happiness, love and trust

Knowing that delay means denial
And denial might mean a breakup
My heart couldn't wait any longer
It applauded
In a shy soft and tender voice
"Yes my darling
Yes with all my everything
I trust in you."

Little did I know....
That bitterness can turn into sweetness
Little did I know
That such a bitter quarrel
Between us
Last evening
Would turn into
A sweet marriage proposal,
And now
Our hearts sing rhymes and rhythms of joy and happiness
Than never before.

You were the first man to ever break my heart.
I think I was five.
I always looked at you like you had stars in your eyes.
You looked so tough, you acted so cool.
When I grew up I wanted to be just like you.
Then I got older and the stars in your eyes were dull.
You always smelled like cigarettes and your pupils were always huge.
I didn't know what that meant but I still wanted to be just like you.
I wanted to smell like cigarettes,
and I wanted a skull tattoo,
and when I got older, I wanted to be in a rock star.
Anything to impress you.
You were always gone.
I always wondered why you never wanted to stay with me.
As I got older, I slowly understood.
You had another love, and boy, did she treat you good.
I spent so many nights crying.
Wishing that you would stay.
Asking myself what did I do to make you go away.
So, I looked for you in other men,
and I promised myself that I wouldn't let those men break my heart,
and it didn't really matter what they did to me because I was too high on drugs to care;
and I thought that that was love.
Only because you were never there.
Where were you when my cuts kept getting deeper?
Where were you when I was face to face with the grim reaper?
Why do you only come around when you want to give me another empty promise?
I would respect you more if you were just honest.
Thanks for the talk.
Can't wait to hear from you in another year.
Don't waste your breath.
I wont be here.

I woke today with a hole in my heart wishing you were still here.
Time was supposed to make things easier but it gets harder for me each and every year.
Today we should be celebrating you birthday but instead I woke from my dream and had to face fact.
The fact that your not here with me, and knowing you're never coming back.
Not a day since you left to join the Angels in the sky,
That I haven't needed you or sat alone to cry.
I know I'll see you someday soon
You're not here to celebrate your birthday daddy so I'm sending you up one balloon.
When it goes through all the clouds and straight to heaven for you.
You will find your birthday card attached that reminds you every day how much your loved and how I've missed you too.
Happy Birthday up in heaven Daddy, love you baby girl
©KimE2018

In the skeletal remains of the night
an echoing whimper of a frightening cry

"Daddy, there's monsters where there's no light."

I join under the covers and hum a soft lullaby

Daddy is here to protect
of all that haunts in the night
no cranny left unchecked
no monster left to fright

Sobbing, you moved your tiny body closer
threw your little arm around
laid your head on my shoulder
"Thank you daddy"
was your final sound

Eyes finally closed
breathing finally slowed
embraced and composed
your dream I borrowed.

chokes me. strangled me.
it was dark in my room.
very dark.
someone had closed the curtain.
i was small. maybe nine.
mommy wasn’t home.
but daddy was.
he lurched through my door.
that scared me. but why?
he’d never hurt me before.
only touched me lovingly.
like any daddy.
so why did i tremble?
why did i catch my breath,
hold it, as if
i might never breathe again?
why did my heart feel
like a race-car engine?
daddy must have heard it.
                                  Don’t be afraid, little flower.
                                  It’s only me.
and almost instantly, daddy
made everything seem just fine.
even when it wasn’t.

daddy fractured our world,
titled it off it’s axis, sent it
careening out of control.
that was before the day
his own impairment
made him overcorrect,
****
the mercedes onto unpaved
shoulder, then back
across two lanes of traffic,
and over the double yellow
lines, head-on into traffic.
that was before the one-ton
truck sliced the passenger
side wide open. that was
before premature death, battered
bodies, and scars no plastic
surgeon could ever repair.
yes, that was before