Dear Daughter can you hear me?
Dear Daughter can you hear me ?
I just wanted to say i love you
Dear Daughter I miss you
Dear Daughter I'm proud of you
I was proud when you were born
I was proud when you took your fist steps
I was proud when you spoke your first word
I was proud when you took your first steps
I was proud when you finished school
I was proud when you made me a grandfather
I wish I could be there in person when you get married
Dear Daughter I wish I was there
I see you struggling
I hear  you crying
I see you crying
I see you smiling
Dear Daughter can you hear me?
Dear Daughter  can you see me
Dear Daughter I'm always with you
Dear Daddy yes I can

they say i have nothing to be sad for
but they don’t know everything
zero knowledge about my grief or,
the fact that my heart’s always breaking

they don’t see all the things i missed out on
the way i yearn for my father to have been alive
throughout every single moment that haunts,
every birthday after ten that i’ve had to survive

they don’t see the glistening in my eyes
when it says “Dad” on the phone call
and i watch from the sidelines
wondering what it feels like as my heart falls

& i don’t think i will ever heal
from that kind of aching
i will forever have to deal
with the way it will always be hurting.

It's HIS birthday today
THE MAN who ruiend me
he was meant to be my DADDY
Not my abuser
Why did GOD
Have to create him....

When I was five
I watched my father drink  
until his cheeks were rosy pink
but I didn’t think anything of  
it as he playfully chased me on my bike
on a warm August evening.  
The lower the sun sank into the earth,
the more Budweiser cans would open  
and my mother would turn a blind eye
so I couldn’t tell how tired and solemn she looked
until I was sixteen and I noticed they didn’t talk anymore.
My father couldn’t look at me when he asked how my day was,
pouring another can of beer into a glass
and the foam poured over the rim  
just like my anger and pure resentment
for the man who used to make me laugh until I cried
and now the tears soon flowed for different reasons. .  
My parent’s relationship crumbled as did my heart  
as I watched my father’s alcohol intake increase  
and the love I thought he had for me vanish.  


“Remember when you cried when I got my driver’s license?”
I was ignored as he swirled beer around in his glass.  
“Do you still care? Don’t blame this on me.”
A simple text he sent
to his own daughter  
“I never want to see you again.”
Deep in the core of my being resided a hatred  
for a sorry human being who dared to call himself a man
once his true feelings revealed themselves.  
Soon I was twenty five and I found myself still wondering
why I was blamed for his own disease  
and I realized I could be as boiling angry, hurt, and confused  
and clench my fists until they burned just hearing his name
it just wouldn’t change anything.  
He has become a floating memory creeping
deeper and deeper  
in the back of my mind  
drowning in liquor until he completely fades.

I started drinking on the weekends,
Like you always used to do,
I wonder if I'll drink in the morning,
On Tuesdays and Thursdays too,
I started lying to my partner,
When I go out late at night,
I never own up to my actions,
I'm not afraid to start a fight,
I started missing all your birthday's,
I didn't call you back the other day,
I wanted to tell you I love you,
But I would only be in the way,
Just like you always said to me,
"To be alone wouldn't be so bad"
I'll just keep letting you down,
And be exactly like you, Dad.

Today
I will pretend
it's any other day.
Today
I will try not
to cry out your name.
Today
I will try to not
to let it hurt so bad.
Today
was never meant
to be so sad.

Dad you taught me the biggest lesson of life

Never marry anyone like you ..

Last night you came to me
in a dream-
a teenager!
Oh, how elegantly
you had grown,
my beautiful baby girl.
The way you lit up that station,
the way I held you in my arms
once again,
it was the best dream
I ever had.

I watched my father die and i felt nothing.
Nor remorse or sadness.
I stood above his Deathbed and saw a stranger.

Do you miss me?

Do you wonder how well i did at school
How i handled heartbreak
Did i fill the void that you left

Do you miss us?

My sister has your people skills
I have your temper
Not sure it was a fair trade off

Do you miss me?

Moving away
Leaving
Not calling
Not visiting
Forgetting that you hold a key part in our lives

Do you miss us?

I haven’t found love
Because you made me terrified of it
We share blood and yet that still wasn’t enough to make you stay
What hope do i have with anyone else

Do you miss me?
Well you shouldn’t.