Her hands
I've clutched them before
Her hands
I've felt them before
But never so cold.
Her hair
I've traced them back before
Her hair
I've laced them on my fingers before
But never so rough.
Her *****
I've felt flesh beneath before
Her *****
Full of life
But never so out of breath.
I hold my face in her hands
I try to breathe my life into them
I spot her wrinkles
I spot the sagging skin
She's never felt so old to me
She's been this old
Moved on with time
Moved together with time
But never before.

You cannot break down.
When everyone else is expecting you.
You cannot break down,
When someone else is relying on you.
You cannot break down,
When there are those dependent on your
thoughts.
You cannot break down.
When you're a role model
to someone so young.
You cannot break down or you will break
his future.
No selfishness can explain what
atrocity it is.
But I cannot hold back any
more any
longer.
Time shall bleed me out I can tell
where I burn bridges
along
with all your pleas
demanding more.

Thud drip thud drip thud drip
The plaster chips bulges and rips
Tears chunks and moistened bits
From the edges to the other tips
Crumbling as if this is it
Those creaky bits no longer fit
Bent the metal frames till they are ****
Thud drip thud drip thud drip
I cannot sleep through
this
Even with a pillow crushing my ears
I can still hear what I fear
The house is coming apart
Just like me it will all disappear

Christmas just isn't going to be as Merry this year...

when the lighting shatters every last thing you ever thought you needed I'll be here, I'll still be here, my hands wide open like they're soaked in blood, I will pry every last tendon from my bone to prove to you I know what hurt looks like, this, no: this, is not what they call getting better. sometimes our hearts beat for no other reason than they don't know how to stop, sometimes people turn away and leave and never come back and we don't know why, mother, can you hear me? you said there'd be days like this but you never told me how to handle them when they turn into my every day. remember that one time in December? when you finally realized I might need some help or I'd die younger than our dog? I was upstairs contemplating killing myself and you were downstairs screaming about ***** dishes. this is not healing, I'm not going to pretend I know what that is, but I know something's changed, the stars aren't telling me to self-destruct anymore, and that's gotta count for something, right?

I would have been happy (perhaps, maybe)
If the entire, um, sympos-i-um
Had tasted her sweet and sour body
Screaming, loving, digging into flesh; yum,

So long as I was left far back in the dark,
In ignorance, in blissful illiteracy,
The stage of Mystery versus History

But now I know, and now I just have no choice, I have to say goodbye, I have to say adieu, I have to wave the white flag at the black ship leaving the harbor forever--"Evrémonde!", I cry out, but the ship just keeps sailing... Now the flag is in tatters and so is my mind, now the window is shut open and my heart is open shut. Why would you tell me, why would someone have the audacity of being so genuine and honest and truthful? Why wouldn't you show some humanity? This generation has no tact, we have too many good values and I'm losing faith in humankind as it becomes, sadly, far too human!

"you okay?"
"no, i'm close to tears,
i'm close to a breakdown,
an anxiety attack.
i'm exhausted.
i'm falling apart
so ******* quietly
that you can't hear.
I want to scream,
god, I just want you to know.
I just can't tell you."
"i'm kinda tired, that's all"

As I sit down in class with my stomach churning
My hands are shaking and my head is turning
To find something of comfort to distract me
From the eyes tracing my face catching acne
From the people wanting to give me hugs
When my back is drenched in sweat
From swaying back and forth and moving like a slug
Slow and clumsy, I wish my brain and feet had met.
I wish I could **** this anxiety
I wish this lock had a key.

Bullets of tears stream down my cheeks like bombs being dropped from planes above.
Eyes red as roses blooming in spring.
Falling apart I only want you.
Annoying as i am I try to stay away.
Knowing how ugly and vulnerable my tears make me.
He huffs and puffs his angry tone through the house.
My heart breaks with every slam and murmur he makes.
Nothing I do is right.
Nothing i say is okay.
Feeling alone in a world crumbling around me.
My only hope is to see a light shine upon me when my darkest hour is near.
I hope he sees me.
I hope he reaches for me.
As annoying as I may be.
I still love you.
I will always love you.