would you be surprised to know i still dream
of *** treasure troves and storms at sea?
when it's black out and the earth is humid,
waves rush in and strike me down like cupid.
i remember jupiter and selling stars on the boulevard.
whoever you are; my lover, my ****,
call me your good girl and kiss my tears away.

pegasus dancin' as savages ravage my rose garden
and tell me i got everything i wanted.
raspberries litter the ground of my home;
asphyxiating on the smog of a roach.
tell me you love me 'fore my heart can roam;
tail-lights like rubies dash past my eyes.
the sun dies in neon, but what about me?

so bathe me in red, white, and blue.
why can't i forget to dream of you?
killing me softly with your bare hands;
never felt as loved by any other man.
you're so much larger than life,
murderous rage disguised as love while i smiled wide.
i laugh while i cry so i don't feel so low,
but tiger stripe bruises will never fade.

well, everyone loved me until i went rogue.
now they're spray-painting outside my home.
blood drips down slow, molasses and sweet;
the village i roamed now cowers under my feet.
please, mr. rager, won't you spin me a story;
tell me again about your days of glory.
sing me something pretty as i drink 'til i ache.

oh my darling angel you are the reason i’m still a person with skin
you are the reason i wake up in the morning and smile sometimes
with teeth sometimes without but smile nonetheless//you are the reason i eat
with such gusto because i know you would laugh at the way i wolf down pasta//you are
the reason for the hole in my chest in your absence i collapse like a dying star//you are the reason
i’m trying so hard to be better and//you are the reason i called my therapist’s office and said hi
yes could i please have a listening ear//you are the reason all my cuticles are picked ragged like
so many spiky sea animals warning you not to touch//you are the reason for my writing
the note you left me to write calling me “stinky” still sits on my shelf untouched//you are the reason i’m
insecure about my taste in alcohol//you are the reason i’m not insecure about my laugh anymore//you are the reason that my hair is soft and//you are the reason
i’m shaving my legs again//you are the reason i care about *** at all and//you are the reason it
scares me so ******* much
you are the reason for much of my life as it stands now proud and tall and shaking
like a fawn still wet from her mother’s womb

There are eight hundred different ways to describe
the way that I feel when I look into your eyes:
is it anger? Regret? Sadness? Fear?
Did you know I haven't forgotten you all of these years?

Yes, you did hurt me and for that, I cried for
almost three months you can't be surprised-
because what you took from me? Something so pure,
and turned me into something else, that wasn't there before.

It's been a while-; I'm glad of that.
I see you've changed and I'm proud of that.
I hope your new girl won't get hurt like me-
please don't leave her in tears and ruined sexually.

heaven is a lonely place to die
even if it's called a paradise.
there must be a reason why
the ticket comes
with a warning in small font.
don't forget to say goodbye,
there will be no coming back
from this joyride.
take a step towards your dream.
is it just as sweet as you thought?
was it really worth your life?
i hope so.
heaven is a lonely place to die
even if it's called a paradise.
now that you're already here,
welcome home.

Its only distant chatter
The pieces are all scattered
If you told me last year
we would all be here

The mountains have lost me again, its true. Washed upon the river, its edge held me close.
Thinking of the ones who
I miss most

Why did it have to be like this.
I was always meant for more.
No, I know I did.
I deserved better.

But it will never be over.
I know that now.
That what's happened has happened
And that there is more to come.

How the lines are laid out.
All set to stone, my fate in the hands
Of some omnipotent fool.
There's not a ******* thing I can do.

Maybe things will be better
That's what I always hope at least
Maybe this time, it never hurts to try doesn't it?
But honestly, who am I kidding?

There really isn't a single thing
I can do to change what's inevitably going to come
All I can do is do
What I've always done.

Drown in my self -pity like the coward that I am.

-Kore

angels fall like fireworks
sizzling
crackling-divinity
sparking on skin-burning
brightly
as i held him tightly
as i held him as if i’d die if he would let go

he let go

and i fell, falling like a shooting star
silently screaming as my splayed heart strangely kept beating
“i love you, aziraphale and all that you are” and my love looked down
and i saw him weep
(for me
for me!
Because of me)
i saw the tears from all his eyes run down his face into the sky
as he told me “you and i, all that we are, i will find you again no matter how far
away you land
a thud on the sand
a splash in the sea
i’ll find you again
please!
wait for me”

i fell and angels all around me screamed out their dying cries
i fell and thought the fire all around me was surely nothing but lies
i fell and saw all around me it was better to be ignorant than wise
i fell and the stars all around me fell too, falling through the skies

i fell but i could not stop watching his eyes
those endlessly seeing
Throughout all my being
brilliantly ****** eyes

and i thought to myself
what else
could i possibly want to see
then his eyes crying for me
why would i want to see my life without him
a life with no hand in mine
a life spent twisting my spine
a life with wings bound in twine
a life with no sign of the Divine

oh MOTHER
why would you do this
why must you cast me away
i’d beg and i’d barter
(don’t make me a martyr!)
anything for a chance to stay

oh mother doesn’t listen
oh mother doesn’t care
oh mother i cry out; my tears glisten
oh mother are you there?

no one is there and i’m all alone and sometimes i wish i was made of stone
or better yet,
a galaxy
-brilliant and bold-
no pain to be had, no story to be told
just light all round me
light from the burning, turning sun

the sun, the sun it glows so bright
it feels warm, like a hug from him (so tight!)
so golden, so glittering
so molten, so obliterating
so like his countless tears

what is there for me to look for?
what is there for me to find?
the battle is over; they won the war
and i'm lost to him for all of time

oh sun please don’t listen
oh sun please don’t care
i cry out as my tears glisten
oh sun please just be there

burn my eyes black and haunted
burn them like these wings, undaunted
by the tar upon them

destroy my eyes so completely
so the only thing that can run so fleetly
through my mind is his eyes weeping so sweetly
as She casts me out and the kingdom is restored so neatly

burn them black, i tell you
burn them like i fell, oh hell, you!
burn them crisp, oh i smell you!
oh sun, you lovely ball of fire
grant me this, my one desire
make me blind so all i see
is him
weeping for me

…

it did not work
sun, you failed me

they are not black and haunted
they are not blind and bleeding
they are sickly, ickly yellow
and somehow always needing
to see him again

I fell for the elegant lull of your heartbeat,
it thumps within you
but why can I feel it beating in me?
deep in my bones and etched onto my lungs?
Your love suffocates me,
its sinister grip unforgiving as it chokes me.
—oh, is it blissful.
**** me, love,
throttle my bleak soul
who never knew of a love so exquisite;
then see me reborn,
with each touch you grace my body with;
with each syrupy lie which spills past your mellow lips.

Needed what I never got --

got what no one should have --

now I yearn for what no one should,

and it hurts like
a dog tethered in the yard
barking its fool head off

and no one is coming home