darling,

i



finally feel comfortable with my naked body...








i truly would like you to see.

i’m doing good!
you know, maybe there’s more to this than sadness.
maybe i’ll get through this.

i’ll dig myself out of this grave with my bare, ****** hands.

i’ll grab fistfuls of dirt and shove my way to the top.

i’ll pull out the weeds and i’ll scream and scream,

and if no one hears me out, i’ll still find a way.


and once i get to the top,


there’ll be people up there



waiting for me.

It pushes everyone away.
It ruins all my relationships.

I died at the hands of my thoughts today.

He tells me that he loves me,
He tells me that it’s okay,
But they won’t let me believe it.

is love real?
is happiness real?
is anything real?
because at this rate, it might all just be fake.


in fact,

that’d be better, because then i wouldn’t have to feel this pain.

i hate
everything
i hate
social media
i hate
myself
i hate
my body
i hate
this world
i hate
this pain
it will not end
no matter how much i try
it always comes back
to make me cry.

chills.
shaking.
sweating.
insecure.
normal.
can’t stop thinking.
obsessive.
disorder.
compulsive.
no real problems.
doesn’t care
even though he says he does.
bite back tears.
smile but you can’t.
meaningless noise.
it’s all in your head.
want acceptance.
can’t get it.
all in your head.
can’t face monsters under your bed.
past wounds opening up.
bleed.
don’t like how they look at him.
don’t wanna sleep.
feel imperfect.
wish i was perfect.
small things get to me.
wish i had her body.
wonder if he’d like me more if—





what if—






what could—





why is—






how does—




they don’t—




does he—





i wonder—





not alone.
have someone.
not enough.
greedy *****.
hold internal grudges.
mind can’t get enough.
it feeds of corpses of past feelings.



swallows you up.
try not to cry.
smile and laugh.
talk and eat.





try to swallow it up,
but it eats you alive.
a parasite
destroying you from inside.
if you can acknowledge it’s root,
you will someday understand—



the key to happiness—



it’s right in your hand.







“but









why do i keep losing it, mother?”






“sometimes, you need to get the fog out of your mind.”




“how do i get the fog away?”





“face your problems,



even if it’s to your dismay.”





“but mother, i know this. it seems really easy. could you please stop with these riddles,
and help me find that key?”





“but honey all i’ve got to say is,






some kids have lost the key,




but try to find it on their own.





you are a weakling, as they say.




















stop crying about how hard it is
to live your easy day.”

why do you push everyone away?
why do you hurt everyone?
why do you hurt me?
why do you care so much about what they think?





why can’t i break free?

—————————————————
~an introduction for ignorant newborns~


we live in a society built on lies...
when the hell will we get up and open our eyes?

sitting in the back seat watching time go by...
powerless to the person at the wheel...

when we unplug our monitors,
we unplug our minds.


take your pills,
now go back to sleep...


put on your headphones,
mindless to this rotting world
that perpetually dies.

turn the volume up,
and every time the volume increases,
your ignorance follows suit.

blind yourself in the limelight of cameras,
oh, beloved celebrity.

cover your feelings with makeup, and cleanse yourself of anxiety with your...

medicine.


talk about how “OCD” you are,
as you drive past the mental ward.








—————————————————
~interlude~


mr. president stands before a thousand cameras—

lights flashing,
questions asking.

what will he say?
what will he decide?
or,
will he lie?

he turns his head to one camera.
he smiles and says it’ll be alright.

he turns his head to another.
he frowns and talks about how there should be no more ******.

he looks to a camera in front of him and says,
“we are a free people...”




and i wonder



which broadcast tells the truth?



—————————————————
~ode to the top 1%~

on the top floor,

watch through the eye of god,
as the filthy ants scramble below you.

look through your glass window,
as the man on the other side cleans it.

frown upon him as if he is an insect,
instead of a man.

shuffle your papers,
as you shuffle the choices of who lives and who dies.  

posh parties,
and lively celebrations—

as well as child deaths,
and gun violence.

the TV isn’t working—
maybe you can see the agony on their faces through the static.

scoff and walk away—


thirty more people died at the expense of the NRA today.


turn off the light


that those children never had.



—————————————————
~an untimely end to this never ending struggle (conclusion)~



how will it all end for humanity?


will it end by war
or by famine
or by mass-******?


or will it end depending on the mind?



tell yourself it’s fine
with ***** and alcohol.



or tell yourself it’s not because of lack thereof.



but those aren’t the only paths.






you decide your end.




will you get up and make a change before you die?




or will you sit down and close your eyes?



will you help the woman who’s fallen,



or will you act like it didn’t happen?




so many paths one can take.





let us all try our hand





at this sick,
sick


game.







—————————————————
a special thanks to:
hatred,
hope,
dread,
life,
death,
change,
good,
bad,



oh,



and society for being such a pain in the ***.