do you see
what i am projecting?

look at me!

closer

                        closer

            closer...still

who am i
              to you?

this silliness
i am trying to prove
has got to come to an end

what you see
is what you get
                                      literally

i won't falsify
i will not pretend
i will not provoke a porous
        habitable
      accommodating
                     agreeable
      acceptable

me

THIS is me
this is who i am

take it


or


leave it.

(i really don't give a ****).

can you listen
instead of speaking
your words
confuse me
blur my senses
the sugar coated
nonsense
that spits from your mouth
makes me cringe
listen
for a change
hear
what others say
ignore
all that you've been taught
          or not...
your'e a pattern
an assembly line
production
of monotony

different
seems funny
   to you
odd
seems an insult
weird
a joke

can i grab you?
squeeze you?
force common sense
to burst your seams?
and have the absurdity
that makes you

come apart
at the seams...

candied greetings
topped with syrupy
smiles

sugar coated hugs
coated with the sweetness
of memories long
forgotten

long lost aunts
tossed into the mix
of relatives
eagerly awaiting
acceptance

     the holidays...

a forceful insurgence
of family
that normally
would be
ignored

a man
a boy, really
has reached out to me
and i've accepted
the friendship
   the commraderie
      the companionship
i've been craving
for far too long

it unsettles me
this friendship

i feel an unnerving
uneasiness
a falseness

but i will accept him
welcome him
embrace him

with all i have

because i feel
the connection

is worth it.

here
today
now
looking
who is this i see
me
this image
it is'nt
what i am used to
seeing
it's me
yes
but a
distorted image
of who
i know i am
sloping
wrinkles
cavernous spaces
where i know
a smooth terrain
is supposed to be
the disappointment
i feel
is expected
but i am unprepared
for the inevitable
that has come.

you
come to me
with the confusing
solidity
of
confidence.

i cannot dream
when my thoughts
are stilted

my brain feels tilted
stemming rational thoughts
from flourishing

things around me
seemed blurred

my observances
are skewed

regular rights
are wronged

rational thoughts
confusing

i don't belong

and the comfort i feel
with that agreement
leaves me all the more

befuddled.