I think of all the nights I thought I was happy
I am always alone
I can't make a happy memory alone
I can't make myself happy
I don't know how to be happy

It gets worse every year right?
You lose a lot,
People
Money
Life
Your worth
Yourself.

You will still have your worst days,
even if you have the best things in life.

We have holes in our hearts
That are either
Scars from the past
Or empty compartments
To be filled in the future

You pointed out my flaws
As if I'm not aware of them
Laugh at me when I'm down
Pinning me hard to this muddy ground

My whole life
I wanted you to be happy
I don't know about you
Maybe this makes you happy

I'm crawling, in this muddy ground
Crying, hurting, waiting
For a sound, a hand, a smile
From you
But you didn't come

I've fallen and stood up
For quite a hundred times
Yet you only show up
When I have the spotlight

This isn't a stage drama
You don't have to show off your tears
When people are watching you
And applauding you

There aren't behind the scenes
Because if there were
You could've been part of it
You can't

After some time
I learned one thing
I've been holding on to people
Who have already let me go

I'm trying to stop writing sad poems
Especially if it's because of you
But you always make me want to
Because this is my only way

I see you everyday
Waving like a homecoming queen
At people you probably think
Are on your side

I can't make a statement about you
Not even the bad ones
I don't wanna use my mouth
To say your name
Because my heart's too broken
To even think of you

But here I am
Writing this
Not for you
But about you