We took the photos down from the wall
we couldn't bear to look at them all.
But thoughts of you crept in my mind
they never were far behind.
I tore through the pages of the photo albums
trying to remember
but my mind was so clouded.
A younger you and a younger me
my heartbeat raced
it was trying to break free.
It broke everyone when you left
1 - 2- 3 we were missing a guest
the missing seat
the missing card
my mind tormented, my mind scarred.
Still -
unable to utter to the others
the pain swirling inside still undiscovered
still unwilling to escape
surely your exit was a mistake.
The emotions of loss come in the unlikeliest of waves
and I thought of us then, in the sea
memories that I cannot suppress.
Walking past the living room,
where I expect to see you smile
but no one is there and they haven't been for a while
All our lives, they flow like waves
I will think of you
the rest of my days.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know if you were really here
I'm not sure how but all the memories have disappeared
whether they were suppressed
it was probably for the best
and everyone is trying to suggest -
to me
that I talk to someone outside of the family
and try to gain some stability.
But all I can really think about is the journey you went through.
In the end
words can never mend the loss of one of your first friends,
one of the first people that held your heart.
My dad, the one who was there from the very start.

December what a cruel month you can be
and so deceiving.
Tears remain hidden behind presents and bows
advent calendars are opened -
and disguise the woes.

The lonely barren trees
will cast the most magnificent of shadows
despite yearning for the warmer fruitful months
to be upon them.

His cri de coeur was not as clandestine
as he thought
and his solitude was louder than the barren trees
screaming and wailing it called to me.
There I stood
on the coldest day
and with no uncertainty of what he needed to see -
I told him:
Nor I, nor you, can be defeated by the winter months
for the most magic moments are often defined in the cold
and now we were old -
infinitely enamoured by what we had discovered.

The promise of the burning sun -
you never stop to shine,
even in
December.
Your rays are sublime
how
blinding this light,
this light of mine.
It is within me
and all of us
combined.

The art of acting like we are superior
in fact, so many are internally inferior.
They try to impress
and falsify their truth
they will not help their brothers
they will not help you.

Cogitation can lead to an astonishing moment
one otherwise not realised
and I am such a proponent -
for becoming synergised with it all
how paramount for me to negate any fall
and I grabbed the golden gates
with all of my might
I tore them open
illuminating the dark night.

All the way through this enlightening journey
was the message that I was yearning -
for you to see
the compassion innate within me -
to you
my brother I am always here for you.

When I climbed to the top
I lent you my hand
there was no way I could leave you
I will always have a spare hand.

For the foreboding fear of kindness dissolving
all over the world,
a lesson is bursting
at the seams to be heard.

The seas are tired
the forests are crying
our robust world's weeping is symptomatic
of the times.

If only all could lift
it would be a marvellous thing
for we are all connected
in this funny life -
it's such a funny thing.

When it rains, it pours
and I don't know what to do.
When it rains, it pours
and I shouldn't be missing you
and I shouldn't be missing you.

What could have been
was what we lost,
our mistakes
at a cost.
At first glance, such a beguiling love so
how
could it diminish to such a prosaic space?
I guess we were in such a
race
to feel it all
and it was the most tumultuous, clamorous fall.
The puerile arguments of when I came home late -
how facile you acted when I tried to really piece together the broken pieces of us,
you told me not to make such a fuss
and your facetious nature of it all
left me with a foreboding sense of our downfall.
You became braggadocious
and I just couldn't stand it so maybe
we reached our apex
and this is for the best.
Irregardless of it all,
I think of that epoch from time to time
the special love when you were mine
the sublime notion of finding you
someone I would have searched universes to find
if only
if only
we could rewind.

The cold wind
it called me in
and wrapped around me
like the bow of sin.
We walked for miles and shed our mistakes
it's funny how much can happen
in one heartbreak.
We met the wise man that told us what we already knew
the secrets of this world
were not secret to me and you.
Dropped to the ground and kissed his feet
I begged for him to save me from this defeat
and he said he would
he only knew how
a lesson can be learnt in the here and now.
The cold wind
it let me go
it unwrapped quickly and dropped off like a bow.