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 Jul 2016 Stacy Mills
jinx
sorry.
 Jul 2016 Stacy Mills
jinx
I'm sorry.

For what?

Everything.

I don't understand.

I know.

Will you explain?

No.

Why not?

I can't.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I apologize too much,
I'm sorry I can't explain why,
I'm sorry I never have the right words to say,
and I'm sorry I'm always late to reply.
If its getting in the way
Why not throw it away
If it has your thoughts blocked
Close the lid, turn the key, keep it locked

The burden of your baggage, heavy as you walk
You can hear its weight in the way you talk
Leave it where you cannot find, just let it go
The thoughts , the feelings, let them free flow

In time that has passed it should be laid to rest,  lost
The experience that came with such a heavy cost
No good comes to relive each day on repeat
You'll find you'll fall as they turn to return, your fumbling feet

You will find it hard
To defend and discard
So forge a relationship, a close association
It will become your greatest Allie disassociation

Moving forward, you naturally leave behind
All those things that made you blind
And as you smile into the next mile , the next stage
Let the inspired tone of a new experience replace the sound of your deafening rage
 Jul 2016 Stacy Mills
Imotional
I miss the discoloured white walls
And the smell of cigarette smoke
And that wooden, black door
That can't be answered no more
Blurry colours, blurry lights entangled in a wacky dance
Stumbling across faces of the past, faces haunting the place
It doesn’t hurt until the glass cuts your skin
Cushioned by a farewell lullaby, the words seem to escape
Caught in a breath, why can I not tell them
„This is probably the last time we see each other” -
The emptiness a millionfold in their eyes
My reflection imprinted on the vision of eternity
Wondering whether the seeds of memory blossom one day
And I wave goodbye to the  sweet flashes of youth
Goodbye, my friends.
The morning brings renewal
And the stream of sunlight
Washes away
The tears of yesternight
hypocrite
play
noun hyp·o·crite \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
Popularity: Top 1% of lookups
Simple Definition of hypocrite
• : a person who claims or pretends to have certain beliefs about what is right but who behaves in a way that disagrees with those beliefs
<http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocrite>
Full Definition of hypocrite
1. 1 :  a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2. 2 :  a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
hypocrite adjective

H2611
חָנֵף
chânêph
khaw-nafe'
From H2610; soiled (that is, with sin), impious: - hypocrite (-ical).

H120
אָדָם
'âdâm
aw-dawm'
From H119; ruddy, that is, a human being (an individual or the species, mankind, etc.): - X another, + hypocrite, + common sort, X low, man (mean, of low degree), person.

G5273
ὑποκριτής
hupokritēs
hoop-ok-ree-tace'
From G5271; an actor under an assumed character (stage player), that is, (figuratively) a dissembler (“hypocrite”): - hypocrite.

Full Definition of mortal
1. 1 :  causing or having caused death :  fatal <a mortal injury>
2. 2 a :  subject to death <mortal man> b :  possible, conceivable <have done every mortal thing> c :  deadly 3 <waited three mortal hours>
3. 3 :  marked by unrelenting hostility <a mortal enemy>
4. 4 :  marked by great intensity or severity <mortal fear>
5. 5 :  human <mortal limits>
6. 6 :  of, relating to, or connected with death <mortal agony>
natural
play
adjective nat·u·ral \ˈna-chə-rəl, ˈnach-rəl\
Popularity: Top 20% of words
Simple Definition of natural
• : existing in nature and not made or caused by people : coming from nature
• : not having any extra substances or chemicals added : not containing anything artificial
• : usual or expected
Full Definition of natural
1. 1 :  based on an inherent sense of right and wrong <natural justice>
2. 2 a :  being in accordance with or determined by nature b :  having or constituting a classification based on features existing in nature
3. 3 a (1) :  begotten as distinguished from adopted; also :  legitimate (2) :  being a relation by actual consanguinity as distinguished from adoption <natural parents> b :  illegitimate <a natural child>
4. 4 :  having an essential relation with someone or something :  following from the nature of the one in question <his guilt is a natural deduction from the evidence>
5. 5 :  implanted or being as if implanted by nature :  seemingly inborn <a natural talent for art>
6. 7 :  having a specified character by nature <a natural athlete>
7. 8 a :  occurring in conformity with the ordinary course of nature :  not marvelous or supernatural <natural causes> b :  formulated by human reason alone rather than revelation <natural religion> <natural rights> c :  having a normal or usual character <events followed their natural course>
8. 9 :  possessing or exhibiting the higher qualities (as kindliness and affection) of human nature <a noble … brother … ever most kind and natural — Shakespeare>
9. 11 a :  being in a state of nature without spiritual enlightenment :  unregenerate <natural man> b :  living in or as if in a state of nature untouched by the influences of civilization and society
10. 12 a :  having a physical or real existence as contrasted with one that is spiritual, intellectual, or fictitious <a corporation is a legal but not a natural person> b :  of, relating to, or operating in the physical as opposed to the spiritual world <natural laws describe phenomena of the physical universe>
11. 13 a :  closely resembling an original :  true to nature b :  marked by easy simplicity and freedom from artificiality, affectation, or constraint c :  having a form or appearance found in nature







so let it rip let it roar let it out hear my soar
My sigh of uncontent, in comes unrelenting
Always seeking more, more, more of me , more push me down,
More why didn’t you, more why haven't you, more why couldn’t you,
I a hypocrite, I know, I know it,
I am the addict who fights, to make it through the night.
I say just one more drink, until the bottles gone.
I say just one more hit, until, we crumple an empty bag.
I say just one more high, as I stick it in my foot, so that no one will see.
I say just one more donut, as we eat the very last one.
I say just one more 5, until, I now I lost my home.
I am a hypocrite, I am also human.
I am a hypocrite, I mess up, makes mistakes I forget.
I am a hypocrite, I only drink on weekends, but you should not smoke ****.
I judge you for sinning different, know why?
I am a hypocrite, I am also human.

I am the single mom, who said I'll never do that,
But when you see your baby cry, it should be why didn’t I.
We don’t know where we will go, we don’t know what lies ahead,
We don’t know what trials await, or what s around the bend.
We don’t know what our futures holds, who will end up holding us,
We don’t love, really, we are human, we know a bit.

We say don’t ****, but an unborn child is just, tissue,
We say don’t do drugs, but please do take this pill.
We say don’t steal, until we are the one who is hungry,
We say don’t ******, until, your family is threatened.
We say don’t covet, this or that, until its you, who has no shoe.
We say don’t lie, until, its you who child's life is in the balance,
We say don’t commit adultery, until, its your, husband you found cheating,
We say don't put anything before our GOD, until, its time to go fishing, (or watch the game.)
We say don’t give in, until, it s your pain, that’s killing you.
We say don’t give up, but please don’t ask me.
We say don’t go hungry, unless you smell too bad,

We say don’t let them , in until, that just so happens,
We say don't take it anymore, it doesn't help.
We say don’t think that way, unless that’s all you have ever heard,
We say don’t let your children, play that game, until that one day.
We say don’t feed your kids junk, but that’s all we can afford,
We say don’t work too hard, life will go by to quickly.
We say, I am not sick, as you sneeze and cough,
We say, I didn’t mean, to as we do it again,
We say, I didn’t mean it that way, but inside we really did,
We say, my undying love, as we give it to someone else,
We say, I'll never hurt you.
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

We say, I'll always be there for you, yet never answer the phone.
We say I'll always love my child no matter what, until, they say I'm gay,
We say I'll always be truthful, until, the truth just hurts to think,
We say I'll always be listen, when all we did was tell it to others,
We say, I'll help you with anything, and then you ask.
We say, I'll always listen, until we go to talk,
We say I'll help you anytime, except, Tuesday, at 2 o'clock.
We say, I didn’t mean to hurt, you, but we did it anyway,
We say, I'll never leave you, as we walk away,
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

We say I never drink, except, on weekends, occasionally on Wednesday, but you should not smoke ****.
Why I wonder is **** so terrible, in the minds of those who don’t smoke, but can drink on a regular basis.
Is alcohol better for you than ****. Just putting out an amazing truthful statement.
Alcohol is man made ..and who made ****?

We say I'll never let my kids get involved in drugs, except, the school says I have too because he has too much energy.
We say I'll never make my kid, angry, but as A PARENT, we should that is our job.
We say I'll never be that mom, who lets their kids, smoke, cigarettes, as we puff away.
We say I'll never judge them, unless of course they did ____.
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

I say I'll never trust again, as we pick a stranger up.
I say I'll never love again, like that, until we go all in, yet again.
I say I'll never forget, and what was it that happened again?
I say I'll never be mad about this, until, they spill it one more time.
I say I'll never hit again, but they made me so so so mad.
I say that I am a Christian, but can hurt my children behind closed doors.
I say that I am a Christian, but I will, cut down every other religion.
I say that I am a Christian, yet I swear like a sailor, or worse.
I say that I am a Christian, as I come to church hungover.
(side note, guess what JESUS LOVES, even after we mess up…..continually)
I say that I am a Christian, as I look down my nose, at those with tattoos.
I say that I am a Christian, but I won't look my neighbor in the eye.
I say that I am a Christian, but please don’t ask me, for help.
I say that I am a Christian, as I lock, my door, to hide, from others.
I say that I am a Christian, as in my mind, I am not really caring about what you are going through.
I say that I am a Christian, as I forget to read my BIBLE everyday.
I say that I am a Christian, as I forget to pray, for anyone.
I say that I am a Christian, although I never go to church.
I say that I am a Christian, but I can never spare a dollar, for the offering.
I say that I am a Christian, I judge every new person who comes to my church.
I say that I am a Christian, as I play with the devils toys.
I say that I am a Christian, as I pretend to be what others see.
I say that I am a Christian, as I talk ***** to a friend.
I say that I am a Christian, as I sell pills, when no one sees.
I say that I am a Christian, as I light up my pipe.
I say that I am a Christian, as I tell my kids to go away.
I say that I am a Christian, as I tell you, I love you, to your face.
I say that I am a Christian, as I gossip about what I know you did.
I say that I am a Christian, as I show up to church as late as I want.
I say that I am a Christian, as I never will, associate with those people.
I say I am a hypocrite. I know that I am human. I know a loving GOD.
I SAY I am a hypocrite. I know that I make mistakes. I know a forgiving GOD.
I say I am a hypocrite. I know I did it again. I know a merciful GOD.
I SAY I am a hypocrite. I know I lied to them. I know a faithful GOD.

I say I am a hypocrite. How can I be? How can I be, ? How can I be?
How can I be anything but human?
I know I try. I know I've tried. I know this, I know you've cried.
How can I not be a hypocrite. I quit again. It was so hard.

We say I'll never let my kids do that, except we do.
We say I'll never do that, then we did,
We say I'll never say that to my child, until, one day we did,
We say I'll never hit a woman, until, that day, she said something, I didn’t like so I did.
We say I'll never go all night without. And yet we did.
We say I'll never have a man who loves me, and then we find one, and we don’t know how.
We say I'll never be mean or hurtful, and yet that’s all we do,
We say I'll never tell, and yet from your mouth it comes,
We say I'll never become an addict, until I first shot up,
We say I'll never smoke cigarettes, until that first hit,
We say I'll never drink, my mom, did , no way, until your at college far away.
We say I'll never take from another person, until, its their husband you take from them,
We say I'll never use, until that one, at that one party, just that one time,

We say we need to slow down, as we rush on by,
We say we need to take our time, as we look for the short cut,
We say we need to look closer, until, that’s all we see is screen,
We say we need to dig deeper, yet there's nothing left to dig with,
We say we need a helper, until, its someone who helps us, we turn away,
We say we need a lover, until, the loving becomes too much,
We say we need more time with our family, and it’s the thing we most avoid.
We say we need more family's , but there's no time, we work too hard, have nothing left to dig with, we are busy with . Working to pay the bills to support our families (at minimum wage) when the price on everything has GONE UP. Who? What? When ? How? Will we ever, if we never.
Anyone know the answer…. I didn’t think so , but I know the One who does.
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.
2-29-16
With zoey on my mind
Dedicated to Zoey Maryann Lynn Sowers

She has his cheeks, his nose, his chin
Her hair and ears, she gets from him
We didn’t get to see your first lost tooth
We haven't got to see you shoot hoops
We weren't there for your first scraped knee
We didn’t see your first heartbreak
I know they are there, always by your side
Just wanted you to know, how much we love you
And no matter what our love for you can never die
My niece you are, my niece you''ll be,
From here until eternity. Perhaps that’s when
We will get to see all the beauty, love, and fun
Inside of you, believe, we did try, to be a part
When we stopped getting to see you it tore us all apart
Our hearts, yearn to see your beautiful smile
Our hearts, hurt to hear of you thinking you have a defeat
When I see your face, I glow inside, with pride
Knowing that you are my niece, and what a beautiful person you are
With time, and hope, and prayer perhaps, we will see you soon, in a little while
Wish we coulda see you all dressed up for soccer, with your cleats
Some day we hope we will be able to attend,
To see your face, one day as someone's lucky bride,
We hope that you will always know, somewhere in the deep
You are and always will my first beautiful niece, I will keep
The memories I had, the pictures to show, the bits
We got to witness, and be in your life.
I hear its by your choice, to not speak,
Or look at me. It hurts I wont lie
I'm your Aunt Hope, I always will be
I hope that I  am someone you will come to see
as your start the larger part of your journey
This crazy world we live in no doubt, it will be rough
I know though, what you have in you, you are tough
I guess I have to accept that I will just be the one who sits,
Who waits to see if you will ever acknowledge me.
I want you to know that through all this strife.
I am your Aunt, and will be praying.
For you to come through the other side,
Much stronger, even greater, and be able to have pride
In who you are, in what you can be,
in all this world we live in, know in your mind,
Perhaps just in mine, you will always have me,
If you need a shoulder, if you need a friend.
I would forever be there, my love for you is not pretend
My niece, you are, my niece you will be.
And I will wait patiently, and if only , to be
Just a friend, that is fine by me.
For an afterthought, my dear. You are my first niece ZOEY!
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