I catch myself
Going back in time
Let’s have that baby
Let’s go get married

His eyes are like honey
But he tells me I’m the only one
To ever say that

And he makes me feel like
I could lay down
And rest awhile
Lying down in the sun
Eyes closed
Heat radiating
Easy
Like a hot summer day

I continue talking about you in the past tense
Why do you keep talking about him like he’s dead
They ask me
Because to me he is
I reply
Everyone keeps moving about their tasks

It’s already been four almost five years
Isn’t that crazy
And through this ocean of change
I can still see your eyes in my mind
They make me feel free

Some things neednt be said
They stand the way ancient trees do
Just like the way
I love you

I wish I had
A little more
Time to choose

Forgive me, I forgot the meaning

Of the word

When every promise I received,

Even the ones wrapped in shiny paper,

Were empty.

Was I light reading for the morning
Was I even that anymore
Or did you just erase me
Get rid of me

I am under your finger tips
Trembling for you
Your name escapes my lips

Forgive me
If I repeat the little details
I’m trying to cram in as much as I can
While I still have the time
I try to say everything but
How much I’m in love with you
How much I wish I could drive to you right now
Share some time with you

I just wanted to know
Why

I cannot live another eight years
without burying my face in your chest again
I understand what it means
To burn for someone
I’ve thought about it so much
Over and over and over again
I hope I see you again

One day you wake up
And you just are
For a moment
Suspended in your dreams

Sometimes I think about how I have only been with people since you
To get over you, to move on with life
And yet
I wish in the small moments I had
I hadn’t been so caught up in everything else
To seize getting you back
Would you have seen me again? I never tried because I was thinking you’d say no.
I have not stopped loving you since I saw you again, not for one moment
Looking for you in everyone else, but it never comes close
I love you so much though I feel like I could be here forever and it’d be ok
I keep waiting and waiting for anything to fall back into place with you and I
It always comes back to you
You you you

I self destruct
5
4
3
2
1

I can feel you
Thinking about me
I assume
This is the only place
You still see
Maybe not
Maybe I’m crazy

He called my name with love
And he touched me with
Nice, soft hands
I crumpled like paper
His gentleness far too heavy for me
I only wanted people
Who would
Wear
Me
Down

And we will both
Wither and fade
Time eroding away
But I,
I will miss you forever
I will love you forever

Do you ever think about me?

I have so much love in me
It surges through my fingertips
I can’t stop thinking about you
You and me

And if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay with this, I’m okay with us
I’m okay with you taking my ******* breath away every time I look at you
I put it in a box in the corner
Somewhere with the rest of the ****
That hurts me

I just don’t understand
This cruel world
Where in any universe
We aren’t together, resting our heads on each other, tracing finger tips

And baby I can firmly say,
I’m wasting my ******* time with anyone else,
Because you are it, you are it,

And if the stars were right outside
I’d take you to Vegas and say I do
Because I love you

I just can’t say it
Because if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay
I’m okay with this

If you had told me
I’d lose my sanity in my 20s
Play
Mental
Slip
And
Slide


I would have asked you
To **** me right then
Do me a favor
Do everyone a favor

Here I say
And I hand you the loaded gun
You promise you’ll never pull the trigger
But as soon as you can blink
We are fighting
You don’t even think
Boom
The gun goes off

Have you ever been in love?
It eats you
It consumes your body
Toes to head
Wildfire takes over
And it burns you up
How did you exist without
That’s what you will ask yourself
Have you ever been in love?

I hope you think about me
Every
Single
Day

And
I know
If someone wants you
They will truly do
Anything
To make that happen

It happened for me once.

I love you baby
I love you
As long as the longest day
As big as space
Growing and changing
Expanding in new ways

I love you even when you are far away
I close my eyes
And I love you
I love you so much

I wish I could know you
Maybe some other time
Maybe some other life

I’ll daydream about you for now

I just want to know
Why I wait
Wait wait
In this life
Too

That’s it
Isn’t it
I’m here
You are there
And maybe in a few years I’ll see you again
But it’s unbearable to think of
It comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave
I could fall to my knees and
Beg god to hear your voice

I thought of you today
I thought of our moment in time
Our moment in space
I played our song
I think of records
Sunshine and coffee
The life we could have had
If they had let us

I will get married again.
I will have children again.
I will have a family.
I will grow old without you.
And you.
You will never know what you want.
You will become an old story I tell,
When my grandchildren ask me,
About life
And love.

I loved you.
I loved you.
And
I will never know, what would be.

I really really
Just want you to be happy
I want you to be happy
For the rest of your life
I hope I see you again
Before we die

Today I don't want to open my eyes
But I do
And the world still remains the same as if I never had

Small things only mattered now
We take pieces of ourselves for granted
I am telling you
When you lose chunks so big
A quiet night in
With small conversation
Is something special and dear to you
I wish I could give you my eyes
To see what I have seen

But then maybe
You'd just give them back to me
I think that's why most of the time
I would rather be asleep
Small things only mattered now.

I miss
Being
Home
With you

I miss putting
My hand
On your face

Everything
Feels so wrong

You there
Me here

I don’t want
To know
That you and her
Are there in that space

I wish
I wish
I wish
You wouldn’t stay

Depression peeking as the sun recedes more frequently; I am trying to stand on my own, trying to make my own home.

Buy me a ******* ticket, I want to leave.

But I want to take him with me.

But I love you.

Then I remember it's all not me; my whole life is a mirage with me in between in the desert.

I hate my brain, I hate my pain, I hate the way I want to stay ******* sane.

I miss you more
Than
The day before

I use to get so mad
When you’d wake me up
Midnight hours
Asking me questions about myself
Please
I’d say
Let me go back to sleep
Such an annoyed tone
Now it’s 12 am again
But it’s silent
I find myself saying things in my head
Like
Sorry I got so annoyed
And
I miss anyone
Anyone at all
Asking questions
About me
Genuinely

I definitely
Want
To
**** her

That’s what he said
We lie in bed together

And I pretend like it’s ok
Ok that you
Only
Want to
Be inside
Of her

I
Have
A hundred pictures of the sun
And the paint it spreads
Across the sky

And you
You don’t even look up
You don’t even notice

Another six months
Another year
I’m almost thirty
And then I’ll be practically forty
Please, I miss you

You are strong
And yes,
you feel weak right now

But, you are strong
Nothing will wear you down

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

I want to lay down in between blades of grass
I want to be as small
I dont want to see spend my life
Working
Working
Living in between

Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out
Day in
Day out

Living this life
Without you
Everyday wondering
How how how
Do I go on

I haven’t had a hug
In so long
I just want someone
Warm
To embrace me
Fill me up
I’m lonely

I got a tattoo
Of a honeysuckle today
To remind me of you
And that
Rainy
April Day

And in the end
We will both do
What we need to
To keep our families together  
Never letting our lives
Intertwine again
But oh my soul,
Baby,
Never again will I
Feel so whole

I’d like to say that your silence means you do not care
But the profoundness
Is what makes it a lie
I love you
Where ever you are right now
On gods green earth

I just came here to say
I love you

I’ll never know
The dance
We would have danced

The only man
Who never called me names
Just stayed by my side
And celebrated