So if I meant something
Mean it
Mean what you say
And do it
Fire beneath your finger tips
I’ll be ash

Sometimes
Sometimes I miss you so much
That I think I’m not gonna make it
I don’t know how I’m gonna
Get through that day without talking to you
But then I do
And the sun rises
And the sun falls
Somehow I keep doing it all

Call me

I have no words
When you lie
Here I sit
Stupid
You hate me
I get it
I have no words
So I'll sit here while you scream and yell
Drop it, just forget it, it's not even a big deal
I have no more words
I give up on you
I give up on you

I hate to be home
And I hate to be tied down
Feet on pavement
But also wanted to bathe in gold
A tale of how
To ****
Your soul

It’s already been four almost five years
Isn’t that crazy
And through this ocean of change
I can still see your eyes in my mind
They make me feel free

Dripping blood
Hand, hand, hand
My hand?
“How could you do this, you are both so stupid, you will pay to fix this window”
“Get away from me”
Blood is dripping from my hand

Am I dying? Am I dying? Am I ******* dying?
Someone please tell me if I’m dying.
“This is your fault, I told you not to get mad, this is your fault”

My air will never fill enough space
To matter
I am the
Dew drops on leaves
No one will remember me
When I evaporate

I really really
Just want you to be happy
I want you to be happy
For the rest of your life
I hope I see you again
Before we die

I can feel you
Thinking about me
I assume
This is the only place
You still see
Maybe not
Maybe I’m crazy

And you’ll rot
In some
Dead end town
At some
Dead end job
With an okay house
Maybe you’ll have “things”

And I’ll forget you
I’ll forget everything about you
And your
Little life
with your
Little family
I’ll have my own
Big life
There won’t be space for
You.

Give me a sign
That you feel this way too
But deep down
Nothing need be said
I know the truth
About me and you
Love love love

And in the end
We will both do
What we need to
To keep our families together  
Never letting our lives
Intertwine again
But oh my soul,
Baby,
Never again will I
Feel so whole

Waiting for the day
I look back on my own words
With disdain
Instead of longing

Someone mentions the airport
I hate him
I quickly think of when he ****** me in the parking garage before he flew out for Vegas last year
This year he won’t even speak more than two phrases to me
After two years
I wonder if he will **** her the same way he ****** me
Or is it different because he probably loves her
I light up my cigarette
I try not to think about him
How much I am trying not to crumble
Not for him
Love is tricky like that
One word like airport
It can bring back so many things
Maybe pain is tricky like that

Think and think
Drink and drink
So you can’t anymore

I keep your shirt on the back of the couch
It smells like your house
You’d think I’d have kissed you before
I don’t even know what you taste like
But I wish I did

He made his bed
And he should lie in it
Without me

He can’t be in the middle
Me
Her
Me
Her

Why can I ever ******* be enough?

If he loves you he’d be here
If he loves you he’d of stayed
That is what they all say

I don’t want to be in anyone’s way
I don’t want to stay
Here
There
Anywhere

So I’ll crumple
And crawl underneath your feet
Step on me
Step on me

I could get to know a thousand more
Fascinating people
But they aren’t the flint
To the steel in my heart
Ready to start a fire
I ******* MISS you

If you have time later,
You should listen to
For the first time
By Mac Demarco
If you are reading these
And you have the time

A hopeless romantic thinks they will crumble when their soulmate builds a life with someone else
But a logical person knows we can survive this, if we push on
And that suffering can be so much worse
Do you think if you couldn’t see the sunrise anymore
You would still miss it
Or wouldn’t it just become your new normal

Sometimes
I think about the brief moment in time and space
where I experienced real love
With someone who loved me back
Someone who wanted to be with me
And sacrificed it all

I wonder if we can be together when we’re old

And then I move along with the regularly scheduled programming
Just another day
Another moment

And even when I did not want to be around anyone else in the world
I just wanted to be with you
Why do you not feel that way

Don’t you know
That I know it’s you everytime
Please talk to me

Hurt and hurt and hurt
Until you can’t breathe anymore
And then

One day
It dissipates

But sometimes
You never stop
Missing them

A thousand other universes
Where your finger tips
Brush my finger tips

I wish I was there staring up at your ceiling
Breathing your air

Buy me one more day
Cant be anywhere other than there

You'd never recognize me now

I wish so badly,
To not know small things about you,
Give me something that makes me dislike you

The only man
Who never called me names
Just stayed by my side
And celebrated

I loved you
It took the air out of my lungs
When she looked at you
Looked at you
Like sweet ripe fruit
Juicy for the taking
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you
But it didn’t ******* matter
“I hope it works out, I’m glad you had a good time”
Can I tell you
Lies eat me open
From the inside out

Oh to be waiting around
On another boy
Another boy
Who didn’t see me right there

I wish you’d call
A thousand times I wish you’d call
But instead I’m up at midnight
Making eggs in a basket
Thinking of you
How much I love you

He called my name with love
And he touched me with
Nice, soft hands
I crumpled like paper
His gentleness far too heavy for me
I only wanted people
Who would
Wear
Me
Down

Things would never be the same as they had been
Not yesterday
Not today
Never again

But I think, I would love you forever
And when the wind blows past
I will remember the way you wrapped your arms around me

If you take the time
To read this
If you ever
Check this again


I want you to know
I hate you
For all the pain you have caused me
No explanation
No goodbye
I will always remember this
I am worth so much more
I was a fool for trusting you
It’s even worse that you were glad I did
I want you to know
Everything you said
Every word
Every drop
I believe it was a lie now
You are the worst kind of person
I’m glad I dodged the bullet
How could you hurt me
How could you do this to me 3 times
How could I let you
I want you to know
I dont want to see you
Or anything about your life
Please
I love you so much
And now I need need to hate you
I want you to know
This wasn’t easier

What’s it like
To be
Serene

There is a certain level of respect
You must carry for the person you built a life with
Experienced things with
But they will never be the one who pops into your head
When you read poetry about love
Or songs about things you can’t put into words
I’d move mountains
And split the sky
Just to be next to you

-please talk to me-

Press on

Even when you are walking through

A field of razor blades barefoot

You just

Press on, baby

Press the **** on

You are the love of my life
The most intelligent
Amazing
Funny
Human being I’ve ever met
And nothing comes close to
What we had
Not even a whisper
You are my soul
I was sitting at this red light
Thinking about all the moments with you
And how good they were
I can’t stop missing you

I thought of you today
I thought of our moment in time
Our moment in space
I played our song
I think of records
Sunshine and coffee
The life we could have had
If they had let us

My skin burns for you
Even if you don’t think of me
Your gaze turns me to

Speak to me again
Speak to me one more time

Pathetically I scramble and scrape
Any reason to have you look in my direction

I am on the edge burning for you
Your lips like fire
Dripping with flames

Think of me again
Think of me one more time

Can I make your heart race
Like you make mine?

It doesn’t matter if I can’t see you
hear you,
or even speak to you sometimes
It could be 8 years
Or 1 year
And I always feel the same
You bring me to my knees

Hey dear
I just came here to say
I still love you
And I don’t know if it’s ever gonna get better
But I’m so glad
You are happy without me

I never realized how much you look for me
In everyone

I miss you
I love you
I wish I could see you
All the usual things

It wasnt enough that I had enough,

I wanted more,

I wanted it all,

I've got this insatiable hunger,

Pulling me under,

What more did you want,

Then the blessings you are trying to destroy?

She is the moon, the stars, and the sky
She stops time
And my eyes shine

She is quiet
She tries to disappear
But I see her

I see her
And I want to kiss her
be near her
For even one second

One day
I’ll be everything to someone

Disappointment
And a shame
I thought that was you

I have enough people
Who want pieces of me

I will get married again.
I will have children again.
I will have a family.
I will grow old without you.
And you.
You will never know what you want.
You will become an old story I tell,
When my grandchildren ask me,
About life
And love.

I loved you.
I loved you.
And
I will never know, what would be.

How are you there
And I’m here
And why
Why do you want it this way

I waited a whole year
Thinking maybe we would be together again
Maybe it was close to our time
Maybe you were just going through something
I kept looking for you everywhere
To tell you about Valentines
And then I told myself
Maybe you really did forget me
Maybe I was the only one here
I’m not sure of what I’m sure of anymore
But I do know how much I love you

Hey
What are you having for dinner today
How have your days been
How have your weeks been
The months?
I just called to talk to your voicemail
I miss you