And then,
He was gone

I had him
There
And then,

I watched him
Leave, leave, leave
Right out
That door
There

But oh,
O,
How I ******* missed him
Waiting
And wanting

Have
You
Ever
Craved
Someone?

Please
He said
Stop calling me

I am this close
To paying the 36 dollars
To change my number

His words played
Over and over and over

I just missed you
I missed you
So much I can’t breathe

Who are we
But
Grains of eroded rock
Sand
On an even larger rock

No buildings
Out of bone
Though

You can take her
Take her to see all the things
We would have seen
The Grand Canyon
Hawaii
Paris
But emptiness will follow you
Everywhere
Because
You know
It should have been
Me

In this life I was destined,
To never know you,
Or spend moments with you but,
God,
That didnt stop me
From wanting
To.

Find me in every life,
And lay your sweet lips upon mine,
Steal my breath,
Touch my cheek,
Whisper those words I crave to hear
Dripping
Off your tongue

And be thankful you are alive
Because
Without you
They would have never met at all
If it hadn’t been for you
He’d still be getting married
And they would just be coworkers

And in either scenario
You realize
With or without you
He’d have gone on
Life would have gone on

I’d be lying if I said I was doing anything
Other than
Trying to forget you

I hope you think about me
Every
Single
Day

Cascade down me,

The way clouds caress,

A mountains rough edges

I just wanted to know
Why

I couldn’t find meaning in
Mirror
So I looked for it
In his eyes
A stranger
Doomed when I was
Let down
Because I didn’t find
My worth inside of there

My hopeless shot in the dark
A cry for help
So hard to love
Because I couldn’t love myself

Life was so much more than black and white

It was red yellow grey turquoise manilla

He could love you

And he could *******

But he could still love someone else

Goodmorning
I hope you thought of me
When your eyes opened

Goodnight
I hope I was the last thing
You thought of
Before you closed your eyes
Next to her

“You’ve been done
So *****
So many times”

You did me the filthiest
Didn’t you
You absolutely *******
Wrecked me

You’re unhappy without me
I can feel it
So
Why don’t you just
Come home

Don’t you miss me
Isn’t it unbearable
How are you happy
Can I be happy too
Please
Can I be happy too

I hope everytime you give her a little piece of what you never gave me
You question yourself
You think of me
You think of my pain
I hope you try to justify it but it constantly falls through
How do you sleep at night replacing what we had

I wish I just existed in beauty
The way the mountains just
Held themselves up
And the way the sun
Just painted the sky
As it went to sleep for the night

I hope when you wash your hair
Fleeting moments radiate through the air
Your hand up my thigh
A passionate kiss
I hope they never leave your head
I hope you wish and wish
That she were me
And you realize
You let me be

Today
I miss you
I open my eyes
And
I
Miss
You

*******.

His eyes are like honey
But he tells me I’m the only one
To ever say that

And he makes me feel like
I could lay down
And rest awhile
Lying down in the sun
Eyes closed
Heat radiating
Easy
Like a hot summer day

I think it bothers me
That
She ever use to hold you
And brush the hair away from your face

I want to be the only one
Who made you fall in love

I’ll never know
The dance
We would have danced

I get solace in knowing,
even if you keep pretending my blood
isnt yours,
I am
I am.

We are just sitting around day dreaming
Missing each other
Aren’t we
I miss you
Can’t explain how I can feel you
Thinking about me

If I take it day by day
And no one mentions the word longing
I don’t ache for you
Anymore

Oh
You
Hate me

Last night I dreamt
We shared a meal
And you were smiling
I was smiling too

Are you a good person who does bad things?
Or are you a bad person who does good things?

You cant tiptoe the line.
You either are or are not.
But in the same aspect,
You cant always be one thing.

**** humanity.

I can safely say
If you picked up the phone
And you called me
Today
Tomorrow
Whenever
I would be so ******* weak

Im so clueless
I went back and read our messages in ‘23
I think I was oblivious
So oblivious
To you trying to hang out with me

16, 23, 30
I love you in them all
We don’t have to wait
Until the next life to be together now
Call me, call me, call me
Let me just talk to you

It has to mean something
That we think of each other
At the same time of day

Silly when I think
Or feel
Like this isn’t
The inevitable end
But I know in my heart
I’ll never hear you again
“Hey dood”
Waiting for you to call
Checking the mail to see if you wrote
Checking here for messages
Why can’t I give you up

I got a tattoo
Of a honeysuckle today
To remind me of you
And that
Rainy
April Day

Before I slip away
Again
Underneath my own skin
Tell me
You love me
You love me

Before I push you away
Again
In front of this monster
Hold me
Hold me

I’m okay
I’m okay
Until I’m not

So you say you don’t care
You don’t care
But it’s hard to picture you
With someone else
I can feel my ribs breaking
Under this pressure
Against myself

Feel guilty for living
Feel guilty for not living enough
Wake up
Be whoever the ******* want

Here I am
Missing you hard enough
I wonder if I keep missing you hard enough
you might
Materialize right here
If I close my eyes
I could solidify you
Make you real
In my head you are driving to me
Or maybe someone drives you to me
But it’s not really
And tomorrow comes

I dont text you at 3am
I text you at 7am
I want you to know you are
The first thing I still think about
When I wake up in the morning
I want you to know that I miss you so much
It hits me when I open my eyes
Not in the lonely hours
Because every hour without you
Has been so ******* lonely

It’s 9 pm
The tide rolls in
The thoughts of you
You and me
Between these sheets
Hands against my hands

I miss the way you smell
I think of the last time
I buried my face in your chest
That’s when you left

I miss the way you taste
I think of the last time
My lips met your lips

Suddenly time seems like a
Long long hallway
Only extending more and more
The more I walk it

I ******* miss you
And I didn’t want to wait
I didn’t want to wait
To see you
To feel you
To taste you

I want to beg you
On my hands
And my knees
Please
Please

I use to get so mad
When you’d wake me up
Midnight hours
Asking me questions about myself
Please
I’d say
Let me go back to sleep
Such an annoyed tone
Now it’s 12 am again
But it’s silent
I find myself saying things in my head
Like
Sorry I got so annoyed
And
I miss anyone
Anyone at all
Asking questions
About me
Genuinely

“I love her more than ever now”
“When you call it goes through silently”
I keep reading them
Over
And
Over
And
Over

I’m glad I could help you
Find yourself

I
*******
Miss you

And
I just want to feel
Your fingers against mine

Please

How do you not feel this way
Anymore
How did you just close the
Door?

I have so much love in me
It surges through my fingertips
I can’t stop thinking about you
You and me

And if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay with this, I’m okay with us
I’m okay with you taking my ******* breath away every time I look at you
I put it in a box in the corner
Somewhere with the rest of the ****
That hurts me

I just don’t understand
This cruel world
Where in any universe
We aren’t together, resting our heads on each other, tracing finger tips

And baby I can firmly say,
I’m wasting my ******* time with anyone else,
Because you are it, you are it,

And if the stars were right outside
I’d take you to Vegas and say I do
Because I love you

I just can’t say it
Because if I don’t think too hard
I’m okay
I’m okay with this

Maybe she didn’t get her marriage
Maybe I ruined that
She successfully solidified her place in your life
She poured the cement around her feet next to you
She was able to put herself in all the places I wanted to be
And I guess I was okay with that
I had to be
But I missed you
And I missed you
And I missed you
And I will miss you for the rest of our lives
How can I feel that you aren’t happy?

Living this life
Without you
Everyday wondering
How how how
Do I go on

You could have said
You don’t want me
And don’t flatter yourself
I didn’t do what I did
Because of you