im having a crisis,
and you're probably just fine.

And I hope I am right.

I FELT LIKE I DIDNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO WANT TO PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU AND TELL YOU YOURE HOME AND I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I CANT SAY IT OUT LOUD AND I NEED TO GET OVER MYSELF AND MOVE ON

I TRY TO COVER UP THE SADNESS WITH CONCERTS AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I RUN OUT OF CONCERTS TO GO TO?

I'm tired,
and she's beautiful.

I've found a home
in a new pair of
eyes.

i got caught
trying to rid
the thought of
you.

i did it once

so why not again

No matter how hard I try;
how hard I ******* try.

My father will never leave my life.

my skin stained
every memory of you
the pain of the moment
will last a life time
and remind me of a love
i can never forget

Your smell stained my pillow again.
Your snores rang in my ears.
My head was buried in your chest.

And I've never felt so at peace in my life.

youre everywhere
your smell is clouding my room
stained into my pillows
youre in my favorite song
and our song especially
my skin burns where you touched me
i can still feel your arms around me
i can taste you in my mouth
i can feel your stare melting into my flesh
and your moans ringing in my ears

am i everywhere
what do you think
are you ok
how did you feel about it
did it feel good
would you do it again
were u trembling
was your heart beating faster than the speed of light
will you leave me
did i **** up
was it my fault
how bad did you want it
do you feel bad
were you using me
was it actual feelings
will it happen again
would you let it happen again

when did this happen

It's a blur.
All a blur.
You.
Me.
Us.
What happened?
I'm so messed up.
I can't breathe.
Why would you?
How could you?
Do I mean nothing?
Have I always meant nothing?
Why now?

I can't go back.

He left his heart in my chest,
and that is the only thing I have left.

You've finally showed me
what love is.

Handcuffed and I thought of you
I made love and I thought of you
My Daddy died, I just thought of you
My Sister cried and my Mama too
I got a place and I thought of you
I tried to decorate and I thought of you
I'm seeing red but I'm singing blue
I never knew what black and white would bring you too

and when i saw him
he didnt know
of the burn
in my flesh.

I hope to god
when you look at the red bruise
on your arm
you think of me.

It's amazing how
not leaving your bed
for 2 days can take a
toll on you.

I've cried more
times than I can
count.

I've imagined
killing myself.

I've remembered
memories.
Ones that I never
want to forget.
And those that I
torcher myself over.

I've made myself
physically sick,
and I haven't eaten.

I blame you.
I blame us.
I blame you for
what I've become.

I wouldn't have been
caught that night if it weren't for
you.

I was with a boy that
distraced myself from
you.

A boy that I dreamed of
hanging out with.

You.
You ruined it.
You ruined me.
You used me.
You took advantage of me.

You said that I shouldn't
distance myself because
it scares you that I might not
come back.

Be ******* afraid.
I'm not attached at your
hip anymore.
I'm free from your grip.

You gave my friend
a death glare because you
hate him.
You hate him because I'm
friends with him,
and I refuse to talk to you.

You're mad because I
smoked my lungs
out with Dylan.
You didn't even ask if
I was okay after I had
been caught.

Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou.

I hope you torcher yourself
to the very core
that you lost me.
I hope that it haunts you
that I might not come
back.
I hope that you're
terrified of me hurting
myself.

You live your life,
and I'll live mine.

No words were said,
but I knew.

I knew when you held my hand
as we walked through the crowd of people.

I knew when you layed your head
on my shoulder and swayed to the music.

I knew when I almost fell,
you sat me down and cooled me off.

I knew when she couldn't move,
you calmed me down.

If that's not love,
I don't know what is.

It was NOT necessary for those ignorant ******* to protest today.
There was NO need for those graphic signs and mean words.
There were ******* CHILDREN seeing those signs.

People need to get their heads out of their ******* ***** and realize what women do does NOT ******* effect them.
They "****" a ******* FETUS.
A fetus who CAN'T feel anything
because their nerves haven't developed yet.
A fetus is just a bunch of CELLS.

I hate the ignorant part of the human race who think they have ******* control over others.
Get your head out of your ******* *** and realize you are a piece of trash.

I should be rotting 6 feet under the ground.
I should be growing into flowers.
I should be dead rather than waiting to die.

I've never shaken with fury before.

SHE'S IN MY ******* BLOOD.

I can now see
that you've forgotten about me.

I've dreamed of you every night
since then.

Two years later, and I'm back where I started.

You're gone,
and I'm not sure how to cope.

I can't cut,
nor can I drink the pain away.

I just sit here trying to erase what is left of you.

We're all ****** on life,
getting high as the day goes by.

He's on the ground bleeding to death.
She's leaning over the toilet, making herself sick.
That ten year old is crying themselves to sleep.
The "gay" boy just shot himself in the head.
The teens are taking shots, killing the pain with a drag of a joint.

We never stop to see each other's pain and agony.
We never stop to see the anguish everyone's in.

While people have scars and cuts along their body,
tears down their face,
they haven't eaten in three days,
they're taking pills,
the assumption is we're all happy.

Think again.

I always choke on my words before I spit them out,
dragging out my sentences,
trying to make sense of what I have to say.

Maybe they don't even give a **** anyway.

At this point,
I have no idea what I'm saying.
My fingers are typing things that I never have time to think about.

Maybe it's not me who's crazy,
I can't be,
can I?

No,
I don't think I'm crazy.

But when I write,
something takes over me.
I suddenly have time to think.

Surely this doesn't just happen to me.
Others must feel the same.
Right?

Why,
I'm supposed to be happy.

I am though,
aren't I?

Is it just the pills?
Who the **** knows,
or really cares anyway.

My fingers are taking place of my head,
I honestly don't know what I'm rambling about.
But in reality,
who the **** cares?

touching you today was the hardest thing ive had to do in years,
just because i know im not yours to ever touch.

Do you remember that night?
Not that night,
but the night where everything was
simple,
peaceful.

We layed on the trampoline,
it was around 30 degrees outside.

I was cuddled into your side,
your body is always warm.

We stared at the stars.
I can't tell you for how long,
but it felt infinate,
neverending.

Jupiter peaked through an abundance of trees,
you pointed and asked
what planet that was.

I told you of my favorite constellation
and showed you.

Do you remember my favorite
constellation?

More importantly,
do you even remember that night?

I didn't know when she would come back,
but she's at the door.

My ears can't handle anymore yelling,
my eyes can't take anymore blood,
and my mind can't take anymore failure.

I'm moving on.
It's over.
We're done.

I'm giving you up.

I could
seriously love you.

the rush came back.
it was the best ive felt in 3 years.
better than anything you could give me.

a promise was broken.
many promises were broken.
im broken.

but the rush was better than what i felt
the night we hooked up.
so much better.

youre scared.
you know what im capable of.
and that scares you.

you dont understand the rush.
the feeling of being human
after youve felt nothing for so long.

im sure the shadows watched.
they always do.

you wont find out.
im not going to tell you.
and things have changed, so you
wont see.
it all worked out in my best interest.

i will talk to you tomorrow
like nothing happened last night.
and you will be oblivious.
im **** good at wearing a mask,
and you just found that out.

you wont be able to tell what im
hiding behind that mask.
you havent encountered it enough.

youre more scared of losing me
than im scared of losing myself.

Do you remember when you liked me?"
Ha, yeah..
I still can't believe you did.
Yeah..it happens often.

that's a lie
i loved you
i loved you more than anything in this ****** world
it pains me, still, after 5 months
its gotten a whole lot easier being around you
but theres always this feeling, heavily holding my heart down
a feeling you will never find out

You okay? You haven't said anything in a few minutes.
*Yeah, I'm fine. Just got lost in thought.

all i could hear was my heart
it pounded harder than it ever has
he could probably hear
i was shaking

he wanted it
i wanted it

it was so much different
than the first time

we were sober

what is he thinking

The moon in the dusk looked at me and whispered everything will be okay.
She told me that time goes on and she will always come back up to comfort me during night.
She looks over me and makes sure I'm well.
She gives me light in my dark mind,
and brightens the dark sky.
"When you're feeling down, come and find me," she said with a grin.
And I replied, "I'll be back again."

i know why no one will ever love me or want me.
It's not hard to decipher.
i'm easy to leave and forget,
and you're the reason i know that now.

im a galaxy
and youre
a million
miles
away

She threw me away like
the day old tea bag that sat on her counter.

Did I ever mean anything to her?

She got rid of me so easily,
so quick.
      --was it easy for her to block me?

I'm sure it was.
She acted like I never meant anything,
that I was't an impact on her.

But just like that,
she blocked me out of her life.

Just.
Like.
*That.

Will he be distant?
Is it going to be different?
How different will it be?
Will he not cuddle into my side?
Is he going to put his head on the opposite side of the bed?
Will he not let me hold him just like all the other days before?
Will I not feel his breath down my neck as he sleeps so soundly?
Will I not see his tired eyes as he wakes?
Will he no touch me as he use to?
Will I ever hear his heart beat again?

Is this the end?

"I wanna smash the faces,
of those beautiful boys,
those christian boys."

My thoughts took me down the stairs,
it was fuzzy as can be.
Everything was blurry,
I could not see.
Found my way into the kitchen,
took a pill.
I thought maybe I could take several more,
hoping during the night they would ****.

The fuzziness subsided,
and I lay in my bed.
I did not go downstairs,
and I sure wasn't dead.

It was all just a daydream,
a dream never to come true.
A dream different than any others,
and it sure won't shoo.
They are scary as hell,
not that I mind.
It's weird,
I like them I find.

Should've killed myself when I had the chance.