Silence
I invite you
To bring me the truth

Silence
I adore you
For you are what you are

Silence
You help me
Find myself again

Silence
You are an anchor
In this present moment

Silence
You are here
And you always were

Silence
Sometimes
You are louder than words

Silence
In your lullaby
I want to fall asleep softly

Silence
In your presence
I am.

I release the tension in my lower body.
I accept all sensations the way they are.
I release the tension in my upper body.
I accept the sensations the way they are.
I release the tension in my eyes and I close them.

Snap back to reality,
Snapping out of it
Breath in
Breath out
You're not alone with it
Let's conquer
Let's wake up
Let's become
Present again,
I know we're capable,
I will support you till the very end.

I love you.

Something very deep inside
Something I have tried to hide
Somewhere farther than my mind

Something I don't understand
Something deep inside my head
Somewhere I can't really get

Something that I just have found
Something big something unproud
Somewhere no one ever got

Something huge
Something new
Something scary

Something I will work out soon
Somewhere only me and moon
Thinking deeply, using time
Feeling like myself and I

Shall the weirdness stop that day
It ain't meant to stay forever
I will deal with it, find the reason why
This new challenge shall begin!
And the light is there to guide
Through the darkness of my mind
Through confusion, through the night.

Could have been
But it wasn't, oh,
Could have seen
But I didn't care.

Didn't know about it
Haven't expected these outcomes

Didn't know about it
Haven't expected these outcomes

Didn't know about it
Haven't expected these outcomes...

I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest...

Feelings of loneliness coming to tears
I disappear, you disappear

Feelings of loneliness coming to tears
I disappear, you disappear

Feelings of loneliness coming to tears
I disappear, you disappear...

We are very quick and understanding
For each other's happy ending,

We are very quick and understanding
For each other's happy ending,

We are very quick and understanding
For each other's happy ending...

I am not this emotion
In the wide and deep ocean
I am not this emotion, at all

I am not this emotion
In the wide and deep ocean
I am not this emotion, at all

I am not this emotion
In the wide and deep ocean
I am not this emotion, at all, at all, at all...

I keep doing my thing
And my next tiny step,

I keep doing my thing
And my next tiny step,

I keep doing my thing
And my next tiny step...

It's alright, baby,
Just the way it is,
No need to change a thing.

It's alright, baby,
Just the way it is,
No need to fall apart.

Let's do this
Let's do this
Let's find our way all through this

Let's do this, let's do this, yeah yeah.

Let us infuse this day
With gratitude awareness, hey
Let us infuse this day
With gratitude awareness, hey...

I'm not worried about my life
I am worried about my image
I am trying to strive and strive
Performing on a stage
Called life of strife
This life of strife

Hör auf, listen to me
Du bist nicht so wichtig
As it seems to be.
What? You feel hurt again?
I don't know what to do
My friend.

I don't know what to do, my friend.

Maybe later it's going to get better
Maybe later it's going to be fi-ine

Maybe later it's going to get better
Maybe later it's going to be fine...

Nobody knows
Nobody understands
And that's alright
That's alright
That's alright
That's alright

Cause it's right where we are
Right where we stand
Right where we are
Until the end
Until the end
Until the end...

It seems like the hardest thing.
That's why I need to try it
It seems like the hardest thing ever done
That's why I need to try it

We rise and we fall
Together it's all
That matters to me
I want to be free

We rise and we fall
Together it's all
That matters to me
I want to be free

We rise and we fall
Together it's all
That matters to me
I want to be free...

I am here.
It's ok, breath.
I love you.
I know, it's difficult sometimes.
We fall into patterns of wanting to make everyone around us happy. But ourselves.
We sometimes need time to see and realize this.
To recognize what is happening.
We are learning.
It's good you show yourself as you are.
I have your back.
You don't need to control anything or anyone.
Just be and relax.
Just be yourself.
You are safe here.
I am always here for you.

Stale
I have gone stale
On the inside
Failed
To connect
In my mind
I reject
Disappointment
Lingering,
Drowning
In those halls of whispers,
Which I condemn,
Wanting to leave
Leave
Leave
Leave it all behind.
All at once.

You never know
So try
It can hurt
But you won't die
To try it
Is still amazing
Since you're trying
You're not lazy
Fighting for yourself
Giving it a chance
Overstep the boarder
To get a reward

Strange
Emotions
Call
Strange
Thoughts
And stay
Not knowing
Where to go
Or what the purpose is
They either question things
Or set up a confusion
And in the end
I realize that
All those thoughts
Were an illusion

this is my conclusion

What is true surrender?

How to stop fighting?
I only know the why.
My heart is aching
Because I try and try and try ...

Constantly starving myself
From love
Permanently thinking
That I am not enough

"Oh my poor self"
This is self-pity
"Why can't I be as
Beautiful or pretty?"

"This is so selfish
You're superficial"
This is the judging voice
Sounds like an official

"Making yourself dependent
On looks. On other's opinions,
On not your own truths"

"Of course, you know best"
-that's the submissive one.
Digging deeper a knife
Into one's own throat.

"Whatever it takes
I will express myself"
-this is the fighter,
Not giving up.

"We need to stop,
This is too much"
The fearful voice
Afraid of touch,

"Uh you're so pathetic"
That's the *******,
Self-hurt multiplies
When it arrives.

"Let's do this again!"
The optimistic tone,
And there's the naive one
"I'm in, yes, yes, yes!"

"You can't be serious"
The everlasting anger
Trying to diminish
Whatever one thinks

And disappointment
Arises and lingers
In the air,
One is thrown into mist.

"I am so lost. I cannot see"
That's overwhelm
Coming over me.

This is where all the voices at once
Scream at me, talk to me,
Not one by one.

And overbearing with the emotion
One starts to drown in the dark and deep ocean,
Foggy the vision, nasty the mind,
One deeply lost, blurry and blind.

"Now are we satisfied?"
That's the expectation,
To make something outstanding
Out of every creation.

"Nah, could be better"
The perfectionist,
Trying to please...
Forgetting ease.

"My chest is burning"
Hypochondria churning,
Maybe the pressure is
Simply too much.

"You're so incapable!"
The inner critic,
Makes one feel hateful
Towards oneself.

"Wow, that's a lot"
Finally self-compassion,
Emerging slowly,
Comes into action.

"Burning" - exhaustion,
The energy released
And the heat in the body-
Increased.

"Is this awareness? What's my next step?"
Carefully wondering,
Still full of regret,
This is distrust,
Losing patience fast...

Helplessness howls,
Fear kicks in deeper,
"I think I can't breath,"
Anxiety croaks.

"When will it end?"
I ask and reply:
"It will not end,
Until I die."

Tell me
Why
Tell me
Why
Tell me
How
I don't know
Tell me
When
Tell me
What
Tell me
Who's gonna show?

This pride
This time
That you
I found
However
That happened
It's marvellous
Thanks God
Thank you
I thank myself
This great achievement's
More than gorgeous
I know, I've known
Not always
How much
I appreciate
You and me
But the real
Feelings' touch
Shook me up
Irresistibly

The anchor of my heart
Please let me work

Stop holding me back
This struggle's a fact

Set me free instead
Let me focus on something but that

The anchor of my heart is too heavy
To move forward

I wanna cut it off
But I don't have the power

The anchor of my heart
Killed the message, the life
It is always there, this strife

And I can't move it
It's calm but heavy
It pulls my heart down
To the ground
Until the motion
Is frown
And there is no way back
I'd better understand
My emotions instead
The only way out
Is not to scratch on the surface
To ignore the internal maze
But to take a deep breath in
And to deal with the anchor within

I feel groggy
On my way
My mind is foggy
But bright my day

For if I am honest
I like to tell stories
The ones which end up
In a fairytale

I am the captain of my life
The decks are colorful
Avoiding any kind of strife
I use my special tool

I use the light
The happiness
I choose to fight
And not to rest

Albeit
I can't forget your face
Your smile's dynamics
Your magical eyes
The love you give
The warm, the bright


The decks are shaking
My mind is breaking
I'm losing control
Over my own soul
It's trembling, it fears
As if it was panicking
Fighting with tears
But those are the joyful
The beautiful ones
They are a part of
Something tremendous
Of something so real
That it hurts

The captain stands straight
He isn't afraid
His hope doesn't fade
He tries to adjust
The balance the faith
The love and the trust
To sort out the voices
The signals the settings
That are covered with dust

He feels quite dizzy
The heart is uneasy
Albeit his soul still
Desires to feel
The warmth on the inside
With hope as the starlight
Remembering moments
To help him get out

As he is addicted
To the powerful might
His eyes turn grey
His heart fills with fright
Still sticking to something
The adrenaline
His mind and his soul
And his heart
In between

I allow you to be
I know you're inside of me
Hell, you are a part of me
And with me you will stay forever.

Now I have given you so many names,
I still know though what I mean.
I mean this certain body place
And everything around it.

You are my energy,
My love and hate,
All the emotions,
You are my deep wound,
My black hole,
My darkest out of the most darkest places in the universe.

Myself. You are. Myself.
My hidden and forbidden parts.
My shame, but also help and health,
My flow, my movement, my relief,
My strength, my feelings, my belief,
My life, my truth, my happiness,
It's all in you, I knew, I knew.

I really want to allow you
To come and show yourself
You have been hidden there
For many years
You hid your fears and even tears,
You lied, you cried on the inside,
You couldn't step out and be free,
You didn't know that you were ME,
That access to the freedom I denied to thee,
And now I finally am trying to set you free.

All things you have been hiding cause of shame,
Because of blame,
From people who meant much to thee.  

Oh trust me, please.
I mean, I understand,
How can I talk to you with ease,
After all these years ...
Just like that.

But I have only now for real discovered,
Who was hiding from whom all this time.
And the real me that I have buried and covered,
Now is afraid to trust the I.

I totally get that. I hurt myself.
By listening to everybody else.
But I was just a kid, you know, we were.
We totally just started to take baby steps...
When **** began to crush our brain,
It's almost a wonder, we found ourselves again.
So after all these years, forgive me, please?
I have never cared more about you, than today.

From all this pain
I learned, I needed you,
You are my core,
My light, my life, my love.
Never again will I ignore you,
And I know just this poem
Will not be enough.

I am fighting for you tough
From now on.
I have started a long time ago,
But only now I understand,
That to reunite with you, I need to stop to pretend.

I really meant every word I said.
I will always have you, by my side.
What a fool would I be
To just lie to me and thee
Again and again?

No. It stops. And I will be trying hard.
To listen to you, my one and only heart
My deepest honest part,
The one that counts the most,
You are my personal universe.

You are my inner child.
My energy and connection,
Don't worry, I will drop my strife for the perfection.
I only want to finally be free,
And take you back to be
Where you belong.

With me. My dearest self,
You do belong with me.
And I am trying to give you hope
And welcome you,
Where now we both will be
United.
Just how we were, when we were three years old.
Before the world divided us,
Before we lost each bit of trust.
Now finally connected
And I never want to let you go ever again.

Should I ever lose your voice again,
Promise me to make some noise, ok?
Now that I know how your voice would sound,
I will quickly look for you
Until you're found.

Ghosting
Ghosting
I am ghosting myself

Wasting
Wasting
I am wasting my life

Shadows
Shadows
Shadows all around me

Sadness
Sadness
Sadness is the last thing

That makes me happy y y

Once upon
A time
A King
Spoke in a
Rhyme:
"Tonight Folks,
You will not believe
I'll show you
Something very deep
Inside of me
The secret is
Too hard to keep...
Too long have
I waited to speak
It out loud."

everyone
in the crowd
listened excitedly
to the royalty
speaking in clarity:
"My dearest crowd"

everyone bowed
to the King's Sound

As he went on:
"What's meant to be
Is what is nature's will.
For what feels right
Is what is real"

the people stood still...
waiting for more
the King being nervous
they couldn't ignore...
While he took a deep breath in
and scratching his chin let them know:

"So friends, I'll tell you
What I mean...
From now on
I will be your Queen."

She's deeply disappointed and angry as it seems
She lives in a land of broken hearts and shattered dreams
Unfortunate for me to be her mirror
I wish it was something that helped her see clearer

How hurt and abandoned one person must feel
Nobody to love her and help her to heal
She doesn't see nor her sorrow nor grief
The manipulation is her only relief

I don't want to pity her but
Want to feel compassion
I must admit for me
It's challenging as well
I try to be as present as I can

I'm paying my respects to all these survivors
I have struggles explaining how draining it feels
I feel worry, sadness and anger for
This land of broken hearts and shattered dreams.

Done blaming myself
Want to give myself love
That I deserve

Been fake
And treating badly myself
For far too long

Done being harsh with myself
I wanna grow
Although accepting myself
For who I am

I see the light in my eyes
I just woke up
Now I again recognize
My love and soul

I wanna give me the strength
I'm gonna need
I will be there for myself
From now on
Again

I won't be afraid
Of losing myself
Because
I'm here

I stop crusading myself,
I am still here

I see the light
In my eyes
It makes believe
I see the sun
And the moon
And I can breath

<3

Whatever happens - I am ready
No fears, only excitement
Whatever happens, nothing bothers
Here I am, no suffering, no more

Embracing every obstacle
Like in a game
Even if I got too much out of the frame
Whatever happens, I am ready now
No questioning, no doubts
Playing around
So happy
Being me
That's what I like to be

You're a thief
You're stealing all my thoughts
You're a butcher
Tearing me apart
You're my muse
For you're my inspiration
You're my alarm
I wake up to your vibration
You're like space
So huge but not to see
You're the sun
You're blinding me
You're my favorite song
It's your voice I hear
This flowering fragrance
When you appear
You're the one for a dance
And to give a kiss
You're the one to love
You're the one to miss

You're my reason why
And I'd have to lie
If I said that it's over
For me

There is no such thing as bein' adult
It's just an expression of many
It's just an abstraction-puddle
In which humans are hiding forever.

There's no such thing as the adult world
Cause every person lives on Earth
And here at times everyone takes a sword
To conquer this castle or another

There's no such thing as an adult behavior
Cause every person feels giggly at times
In fact these times are the ones we remember
We don't need to label them "a child inside"

There is no such thing as an adult
But you can call everyone a child
Cause that's the first name we're all given
And we all are trying to hide

There is no such thing as an adult
The only thing there's is an actor
And acting forever, without a break
The need to hide, to lie, to fake
It's all but good for a human being
Who's trying to avoid the lifeless way of living

The sinner is you
I've fallen for you
And there's no reason
Not to be true
It is the wrong season
For me and you
Confess your sin
Or live within
The sinner is you
Since now I love you

The symphony of empty spaces
Is filled with heaviness
It's happening
That often my heart races
Isn't it obvious?

My shoulders are shrugged-frozen
I'm feeling vulnerably-naked
My body's saturated by
Insecurity, it's shaking
Constantly
Making me believe
I was not enough
To truly live and love

Yesterday rediscovered
Where these feelings come from
Their roots were uncovered
In my childhood home

In those early years
Reoccurring fears
To lose a loved one..

Now, what happened back then
Is obviously over,
But my body still plays pretend,
As if those times would never end...

It seems as though I was stuck in those feelings forever,
Trying to fit in the modern world feels like a futile marathon,
Never quite reaching any destination,
My path can only lead me to obliteration...

The only question left is - can I handle this?
If I do have enough determination..
Cause to escape the abyss,
I will have to learn to fly,
This question is not one of a lifetime,
The action happens in the present moment by decision...
I shall embrace every feelings-collision.

I just wish for all people to be spontaneous and to do sth they love. Find sth they enjoy and experience true joy doing that. Interacting with others, expressing themselves as they are.

Motivating myself
No matter what

We all have fears
These fears are sending thoughts to us.
These thoughts are nothing but bad mirages.
These thoughts feel real but look around
Is any of it here now? No.
Most of the times,
These have started out of one reason
THE ILLUSION OF FEAR.

Love transforms.

Love brings about change and transformation and flow.

Because by loving we allow the space for everything that exists. No judgement.

Love is the space all around and it is not wanting to change anything.

This way the one who loves is free and gives freedom.

I wanna be somebody with a heart
Who suffered enough
From self-commanding
Who now is simply happy
And who stopped pretending.

I wanna be self-understanding
I want to finally see
That it's the only way,
To let go of unhealthy ideas
That sit deep in my brain.

You're not enough, they say
But often they just laugh
And you feel shame
STOP that. It's over now.
You only will decide.
Can you embrace yourself?

Whatever others said to you,
They, too, follow a programm,
It's leading their brains
To put themselves and everybody else
In chains - of shame, hate and what not.

They judge and how about you?
Well you can decide if they're able to crush you.
If you're listening to the judgements of others
It means that a part of you believes in what they say.
This part is insecure, It's coming from tough times,
From sad times of disappointment and grief.

Take care of these vulnerable parts of yourself,
Just know - Nobody else can really understand -
What you have been through.

But here you stand and I see you.
It's never too late to turn to yourself,
And to apologize for not listening and not being there.

It's never too late to stop hating yourself and start to embrace your own life path.
Nobody else gets to experience the same! It's your and only way and you are still alive!!!

You still can question, see, take your own hand and breath, tell yourself that you understand your grief!

No matter how wounded others made you be, there also will be those who
will be worth - to trust and open up to.
You will see!

Only those who can accept themselves how they are, will also be able to accept, see and love you for who you are.

But your way to happiness always goes through your own heart and it's there and it is beating!
Even if you are wondering why still you are breathing.
Well it's cause you still have a chance to find yourself!
And to experience the beauty of life,
It means that you are able to cope with fears, with anger, with strife, with all the unspeakable pain, with every imaginable unfairness of this world!

The way to inner peace goes through your heart, where you will find, again and again that you are amazing just how you are.

Whilst I am looking at those beautiful
actresses,
time is flying by.
Whilst I am worrying about those
wrinkles,
time s flying by.
Whilst I am dreaming but am constantly afraid to try,
time... is... flying…. by.

Whilst I am sitting here, believing in tomorrow,
I close my eyes successfully to the internal sorrow,
I’m frozen and slowly it dawns on me
that time is flying by, it’s taking its toll on me.

My fingers are cold typing these words,
I’ve always wanted to learn some new chords,
And when will I join that sports club finally?
When will I see that
time will not fly by infinitely?

I can't calm myself
No can't
There is something in me
I don't understand
I just want to get home
To forget?
Too much
It blocks out everything
I am tired, worn out
Miss my health
Have to find a way out
Times and times again
Don't forget to smile
Don't worry and don't cry
Times and times again
You deserve to be happy my friend

T-rust lost.
I-ronically hopeful.
R-espectfully alone.
E-ndlessly worried.
D-irty promises.