This pain
Needs room
To be.

Toxic thoughts tonight
Doesn't mean they stay forever
Warning, bugging, horrifying me daily.

Afraid?
Of what?
Of what's inside of me.

How evil
Dangerous
Destructive
Could it be?

I am my own careful detective
Investigating parts of me
That I myself have hid
For years quite stubbornly

Will I be able to rejoin
All parts of me together?
Will I be able to enjoy
The wholeness then forever?

It's not as easy to put into words
It feels as if I had maybe two hearts
There's one that tries to be so nice
But underneath it lies...
Another one, the dark and rough,
That one was made by times so tough
That really it just cannot smile
It has its own dark heavy style

I'm digging deep to see
My fear is growing though
That's how I managed to ignore
My darkness for so long

But finally, for feelings' sake,
I gotta stop before it's late
I need to see and to admit
Who am I underneath the dry smile
That I have been practicing for a long while


Scared of losing myself?
Maybe.
But I gotta risk it,
Don't I?

After all I just know
That my darkest side
Does deserve the attention
Of my soul and mind

It's a part of me
I'll express it in arts
Before my dry fake smile
Dries out both of my hearts.

How to undust
My real
Spontaneous self?

I'm so afraid to
Show myself

It seems impossible.
It's stuck in my throat.
My breathing gets shallow.
I smile fake smiles
I'm sad and still don't cry those tears.
My soul screams.

Unterwegs seh ich
bekümmerte Gesichter
Viele schon älter,
Gekleidet schlichter.

Wartend auf den nächsten Bus,
Augen verdrehen wegen Verdruss.
Graue Stadt, grau *******der Nebel
Alles umhüllt, vom Nieseln umspült.

Allein unter vielen, die Wärme vermisst,
In Kälte gehüllt.

Guarded by the beautiful trees
I sit
Dwelling in the sun
My chest being warmed
My eyes closed
"Trust me", sings the soft breeze
As I surrender to the being
To the moment
To birds' and nature's sounds around me
Peacefully
Healing...

I gotta do something against
The pressure I am putting on myself
I can't bear this weight on my chest
I need to break free and to rest.

Outside
Of all
Them
Senseless
EXPECTATIONS

Everyone's waiting
The waiting room
Some look sad
Some neutral or mad
Some play with their children
The sounds of joy
The child often drops
Its colorful toy

Some cough
Some sigh
Some seem tough
Some seem to hide

Everyone one is waiting

Some are patient
And some aren't
Everyone's a patient
Some old, some current

None of them knows really what to do.
Some of them are just like me and you.
Some believe in the now
Some are looking for how
To entertain themselves ...
There are some brochures
On the shelves ...

Some read, some are in deep thought
Some text their friends
Some are being called
Some just seem to pretend
Doing nothing at all
Just as I am sitting here
I am waiting without fear
And I'm typing this poem
On my phone, that's my gear
It is always better to create
A beautiful poem to hear
Even if a situational
Even if an inspirational one
It always makes sense
To write a poem when you're alone! :)

Wir schreiten vor
Der Winter steht bevor
Und keine Ahnung
Ob der Sommer
Und der Herbst
Das war, was es sich wünschte,
Unser Herz.

Zwischen dem Blick
Zurück und dem nach vorne,
Entreißen wir uns immer wieder
Dem Moment.
In all den Wünschen, Träumen, Illusionen,
uns zu verlieren ist unser Talent.

Vertrauen zu entschlüsseln,
Zu uns und zu den anderen,
Verliert sich in den Tausenden
Scherben des Misstrauens,
Zweifel und Unsicherheit,
Verfolgen uns wie ein Pfeil.
Und eh wir uns versehen,
Hat die Angst uns in den Krallen.

Wir dürfen bluten.
Oft ist's uns fast egal,
Wir wollen nicht vor Schmerzen schreien,
Hauptsache niemand weiß,
Wie's um uns steht.
Und niemand weiß,
Wie es uns wirklich geht.

Verhält ein Held sich so?
So Selbstvernichtungs-froh?
Wir opfern uns dem Überlebensmechanismus,
Denn lieber rennen wir das ganze Leben,
Als zu uns selbst zu stehen,
Uns selbst zu sehen,
Verdammt, wir sind nicht hier,
Nur um zu überleben!

Wearing songdance
Long time ago
Weaving a picture
Motion-slow

Grasping the nature
Of the unknown
Stumbling, falling
On the hard floor

Words, what are they?
Abstract objects in mind?
Fears? Seem so heavy,
But are rarely right.

Strange debates
One perceives
But it depends
On what one believes

Once projection
Takes over one's mind,
Chains reaction
Makes one real blind

And disconnected
In the abyss
May one still be able
To call life a bliss

Beauty may differ
In stranger's view
Mountains may move

If love is true.

Feeling
Like
I can't
Express
Enough
What
A
Blessing
You
Are,
How much
Wisdom you
Carry.
How I feel
Seen and loved,
And I want us
To marry...

People die
Stories end
Fears vanish in the thin air
Minds shut down
Bodies fall
Chapters close
What lives on?

What would death feel like?
Strong and mighty...
Like a fight?
Neutral ignorant
Maybe
Or just fearful
Not to be

Would it maybe
Rather be
Happy and relaxed
Or isn't it for us
To see how long it lasts?

Is there something like pre-death
Just to put us to the test
To see the reaction beneath
To examine if we are ready

It is possible
That death is a new start
Some do believe in it
It's not too hard
But tough
Is to assume
That nothing will follow
Nor time nor space no room
All in one swallowed

And I think to myself
If that's what death is like
Do we even have to worry
To die in a certain glory
Or too young or too soon
Because if nothing follows
Then the you disappears
In a moment with all fears
And if you don't feel
You are not alive
So death might be less crucial
Than we're used to assume
Our attitudes, opinions will be gone
Our feelings all disappear on their own
And with them our very own soul
Which might continue its adventure
In a different creature.

Uncovering
Undercover
Ideas

I recover
From long madness
Called N-U-M-B-N-E-S-S

Held me in
For too long
Behind bars
Made of steel
Of fears

F-E-A-R-S

Instead of
TEARS

I wished many times
I could feel SADNESS
But all I felt was
NOTHINGNESS
And nothing else

Then I looked precisely
At the NOTHINGNESS
And found everything
Hidden in there.

Not only SADNESS
and NEGATIVITIES
But even HAPPINESS
and POSITIVITIES

I found new POSSIBILITIES
And the NOTHINGNESS
Became EVERYTHINGNESS

just like the colour WHITE
consists of all the other colours
Combined.

Ich lief dynamischen Spaziergangs
An einem Rosenbusch vorbei,
Dann für ein paar schöne Sekunden,
In denen ich mich überwunden,
Kam ich in Rosenduftgenuss,
Es war so lieblich wie ein Kuss.

This wisdom should be on the streets
My wisdom should be on the streets
My wisdom should be on the walls
These words deserve to be seen
This knowledge should not be ignored.
These skies aren't just falling
They're spreading wide apart
To let us all inside
Into the universe's heart
The ocean is the place
To be and sea is paradise
Whenever hearts are aching
The water calms the mind

Where the sun sets brighten the landscape
New ideas take a different shape
And as the moon smiles down on us
We're simply here on our soul vacation
The wind is howling-helping us
To sail across the ocean-atmosphere
Where far is close
And the horizon's near
We eat and drink
We dream, we film
We sing in silence to ourselves
We're one with beautiful sun rays

As I am letting go,
Floating, finding words,
Coming from the heart
Of this country's evening ride
We're simply carrying on
In waves of love
It has so many faces
As well as phases
Always enough
For all of us
If we look closer
And we trust.

Without your arms
Sometimes I'm lonely ,
Without your lips
My lips get dry,
Without your eyes
I'm feeling cold.

Without your sighs,
Without your voice,
I just hear silent noise..

My thoughts are rebels
Without you,
My words feel meaningless
Because just yesterday
You have slept in my room
And now all that I see is
Emptiness and lack of you.

Sometimes wondering
where I’m going
Missing people
who believed in me

Feeling empty, guilty, angry
Loneliness and more within me

Losing sight of hope
But a spark stays here.

Even if it won't help anybody but me
It has to be worth it anyway.
Writing down how I feel within me,
How my mind is leading me astray.

I once thought that I found the way
That I knew where I'm going and why.
I thought, I understand and can say
What is wrong and what is right.

Turns out I again was wrong
Things are different, more complex.
After all I feel broken, alone,
And it has become hard to relax.

I am wondering when it is time
For myself to just fall and let go,
To be able to let my thoughts be
And to breath, deeply breath, on my own.

Instead I am feeling estranged
From this world and my thoughts
Alienated.
I am trying to grasp what it means
And I don't understand,
Feeling frustrated.

This is where this poem leads us
Needless to say into the unknown
And repeatedly one may have asked,
Is there really nowhere she can go?

Yes, you do
You can make a difference
You really matter
You are an individual
You deserve a Life in
Peace Love Harmony

You either struggle or you don't
This is your own decision
The way you look at things along
You build up your own vision

Please tell yourself that nothing ever
Should make you worry in this way
No one should ever get the power
To make you sad and not okay

It's hard sometimes cause we believe
This one is the one out of many
But do we want this person still
To make us feel really unhappy?

I want you to know
That everything's possible.
Don't ever be afraid
Cause' fear isn't that great.

I want you to know
That your time is now.
Stop thinking about
Nonexistent dimensions.

Your mind will not frown
In this moment of yours.
Let everything go
It's the best, I don't doubt.

Be sure that you know
You can change the world
Make use of your power
Since this is your sword.

The power of presence.
The power of now.
You're the warrior of truth.
And today is your crown!

Let your powerful sword
Guide you every night
Cut the evil inside
With that powerful light.

And forget the importance
The importance of mind.
But express everything
Through the clearance of light.