sitting still long enough to be,
                                                one      ­of the hardest things to do for me.
i am lost when i start life    with     all the shoulda woulda couldas of my
                                                life,      b­ecause it shrouds my openness to this very moment.
i'm embracing my heart to be         free of the demons of my own making.
                                                whole  ­for the first time, I can't help erupting  with laughter at
the joy and sadness of it all.

my thoughts run wild
as I sit in silence

I focus on my breath
and my thoughts go off
like pop-corn

I come to my breath and posture
I keep thinking about an itch
I can't reach

I keep coming back to my breath
and to this very moment

being back home
is a bit strange

I'm a grown *** man
with my own child
on the way
But my father has a way
of making me feel like a
little boy

grateful I can see love
in his questions and concern
when in the past I only saw control

grateful for my momma's cookin'
and how it keeps on comin'

i have been silent
words do not flow out of me
i am a steady stream of silence

              words spoken out of turn
              used to incite great reactive storms
              in the mind and body of my father
  
                             sometimes i am silent because of fear
                             but lately i am silent, because i speak
                             with my body and actions

                                         i no longer speak hollow words that **** life out
                                         words that lead to further disconnection
                                         today, when i speak  i choose words of connection

                                                                   little by little
                                                     peace
                                                                   grows in me

the surest thing
in the world is love
freely given and freely received
but it sure feels like hell
getting there

love like grace is a free gift
I don't have to
earn it or demand it
I just have to let it be

life is like jazz
                 sometimes all you can do
                                                          is improvise
                                      based on                            the template you know
                                                 doing the best                               you can
                                                 going with the                              flow                          of life.

musical notes                         blending
                                                                                                         into one,
                       sometimes      blaring into                                    cacophony               of sound.

I await the coming of spring
with patient longing

I yearn for my cold heart
to be warmed by the sun

in loving you
I realized spring has been
in my heart all along

a well of anger
              explodes inside of me. i no longer want to hold it in. i'm
full of      fear.  don't know how to express anger in healthy ways.

my outbursts last fraction of a second, but that's all you need to
put a fist through a wall.  

i've put on my nice polite mask for too long.
it feels like it's all for naught.  

am i my anger?  am i my fear?
all i can now is to embrace the parts
of me that i don't like and turn to
it to say, "thank you for coming.  
i love you."

my anger smiles back and
loves me back.  
my fear turns into hope.

my mask falls to the ground
to prepare the soil for new life
to grow.

i
                                  move                          ­       because i am bursting with joy and song.
               with
                                   my                                     breath leads me to the seat of my heart
              whole                                        ­    
                          
                          b
                          e
        ­                  i
                          n
                 ­         g        
                            
                                    f
                          ­          r
                                    e
               ­                     e
                                          ­  
                                               to
                                                        two-st­ep
                                                              ­            out of
                                          
                                          h
                                          e
                                          r
                                          e

my heart leaps as you sleep
the night's silence envelopes us
and we are left with the sound of
our hearts beating

you turn and move while you sleep
and I lie still on my back like a corpse
love fills both our hearts even in slumber
and all is right with the world in this single moment

I wish I could carry this love and warmth
out into the world of chaos and change
and maybe I can, because while my love sleeps
my heart awakens

no matter how fast i go,
i never seem to be able to outrun time
my actions catch up with me,
then i can either run or face the music

recently i have found a third way to live,
i can flow with the stream of life
and be guided by the natural rhythm and harmony
of a Loving Force Greater than me
I just have to "relax and take it easy."

.
                            ice
        
           melts                      slowly

making                        ­           patterns

       that                             secretly
             makes     ­         God
                           smile

a soft little voice
rises out of the dark oblivion

do I listen to this voice,
break open my shell?

words of a restless soul
flow from gift of desperation
reaching out to infinite God
separated by space and time
united by all embracing *love

.



silence

                                                   ­                                                                 ­                                                       so faraway
so near.

                                                          ­                            everything
                                                                ­                       in me
                                                                ­                       wants to
                                                                ­                       fill it up
                                                              ­                         with empty
                                                           ­                            noise.

but there are
brief glimpses
when i
can







                                                     ­                                   embrace
                                                                ­                        silence
                                                                ­                        and be
                                                              ­                          at peace.





                                        




.




­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                          .

I mourn the death of my heart
*broken and lost

your warmth
your breath
makes my heart
glow with love

unrelenting thoughts are vying
for valuable space in my head

broken bodies                              with open hearts
call forth                                       inner change
my mind                                       seeking for peace
releases into infinity                   in a simple touch.

sitting and waiting
a breeze visits
with a soft caress

at the edge of oblivion
not knowing if I should
surrender  or continue living
the way I have for a while
which is only half living

it's easier to keep doing what doesn't work
than ask for so I can change and try something new
but my own mind convinces me I got this
even though I am slowly falling apart physically
and dying on the inside

I am on the edge of oblivion
stranded with my worst enemy
me

I am desperate enough that for the first time
in my life I ask for help and actually take the help
without dictating what form that help takes

this all happened over 3 years a go
and today I have a life I never imagined
all it takes is for me to be willing to continue
to ask a power greater than me for help each day
and then be willing to take the help that comes my way
sometimes it means I have to put my willingness into action
or just simply sitting in silence and waiting

I am no longer suspended
but connected into the fabric of life

living without holding and craving
letting life flow in me

Loneliness falls on me quietly like the last leaves of winter.
          I know I love You Creator, and yet I sometimes get lost in my own mind.
                      I fall into a pit of my own making and nurse my sadness like a
                      wounded cat.

I am loved by You, but sometimes it feels like its not enough.  I know this fact
in my head, but I don't always feel it with my being.
There are days where my foot steps feel heavy, and all I can do to do the next
right thing is not exploding at innocent stranger.

                       I feel numb.  I feel loved.  I feel found.  I feel lost.
                                       All of the above and more.
                      I am sailing in unknown waters, and I ask for Your guidance.

Walk with me Oh God, who loves the smallest of creatures.  Be in my steps.
                       Be with me in my loneliness.
                       Be with me as I wail against You, Be with me as I run towards You.
                       Be with me in my sadness and joy.  Amen.

grasping at straws
lost and alone

in desperation
I pray

eyes so tired
sinking into oblivion
searching to find
*love

when life seems to
          knock
                    me

                               d
                                    o
                         ­               w
                                              n
­                                                                 ­         
                                                       ­        You       me.
                                                                ­     carry

doubt creeps into me
it's been months since
one of my poems have trended

why is my writing no longer resonating with people?
does hello poetry hate me?
should I just stop writing on this site?
irrational questions flurry trough my mind.

i take a deep breath and listen to my heart.
I write because it's what I do,
and I share my writing so that I may be helpful to someone else
which includes me helpful to me.

I write because my heart to ease my doubt
I write to connect with the Creator
I write, so I do not drown in my words

I breathe more deeply and let go of comapiring  myself to others
I do not need outside validation to experience that
I am a child of the Beloved
so I "let go and let God"

I'll keep coming back to Hello Poetry
and keep writing to be true to my own heart
thanks for letting me share

in the stillness
my restless mind
is cradled by
*Silence

my heart aches. 

first day waking up without you and our daughter.

the journey home is difficult ,
but worth every moment of struggle
to be at my father's celebration of my return.

I called you home for 3 years,
now return to your urban streets
to say goodbye.  

Thank you, love you.

Breathe in.            
                        The cold air burns as it travels
                                               down my lungs.

Breathe out.
                        The hot air warms the little spot
                                             where my nose and mouth meets.

The sharp crisp cold air
embraces me like a long lost
friend desperate to reconnect.

My warm heart greets the morning
with love, and joy I get to
breathe in and breathe out
one more day.

words ramble out
like notes through Mile's horn
or smooth strokes on the keys by Bill

poetry and jazz collide as a rhythm of sound and beats
echo through my heart and soul

love of music and words fuses inside of me
and comes out as cacophonous mix of sound

all around
singing of birds, laughter of children
right now

my heart sings Your glory.
I am grateful I can be grateful,
when there was a time I used to
hate You because I thought You
were making life happen to me.

Thanks for not answering my daily prayer
of killing me in my sleep or checking out some other way.

Today, I am grateful for my breath and that I
can be unstuck from self-pity and despair.

Thanks for helping me be useful to You and Your other kids.

summer's gone away
the leaves are falling
and the night is pitch black

I miss the long days,
and the green leaves on trees
Oh why I gotta rake those leaves

the cold is a comin'
and the pretty colors
ain't do no good when I'm cold

but my heart starts to warm
when I remember that
my baby is by my side

[This poem is meant to be sung with a Southern twang.]

I've been missin' you,
thought I knew  how to  let you go.

I've been so blue,
and that winter wind cuts deep within.

I never really thought we'd be through.
Not really sure how to live my life
without you.

I've been so lost,
think I'll drink my life away.

Maybe all I need is a song.
A new song to set my heart free.

I  stay up all night, and I greet the morning sun.
I'm happy to face a new day.
A day where I don't have to drink my blues away.

Girl, I still love you.
But I'm letting you go, so I can be free.

in dark periods of my life
my thoughts lead me to
seeing my life as hopeless and pointless
I tried to hurry the end multiple times

today, my thoughts wander around my head
leading me to wonder about how
I am still alive
answer: grace

I hope I do not squander this
great gift I've been freely given
and remain grateful
by passing it on

dear little one
today me and your momma
heard your heart beats for the first time
164 beats per minute pulsating to pump
life into you.

I have yet to see your face, but I want you to know
I love you.  My heart beats to the rhythm of life like yours.
Thank you for coming into my life.

l     a  
o    b
v    i
e    d
      e
      s

death whispers my name
and I whisper back
without fear