death whispers my name
and I whisper back
without fear

your tiny breaths
are like love songs
to my heart

In each small moment
we can choose
life or death

I step into the light
my eyes start seeing clearly

love lost
last breath
new life
given birth
hope sprouts

bird songs carry gently to my door
as I sit on my meditation cushion,
and for a brief moment silence explodes
into vivid life of connection

I hear the morning song of creation
bursting all around me and within me
the thumping of my heart beat is the drum
of the morning song that I can only feel and hear,
if I slow down and tune into my breadth

there is music everywhere, both out there and in me
a lovely symphony that I can perceive as a connective harmony,
when I quiet down and really listen with my whole being

As I listen my heart sings and my soul smiles
I am the morning song sung to the Creator
one of devotion, love and just being

always seeking
and moving

never still to really
just be

moments of joy
wander into my life
as I cry

a cold silence
seeping into broken dreams
redeemed by love

"I don't know" was the most
honest answer I ever gave,
when asked why I sought oblivion in a bottle.

Today I know why, I have a "God sized hole" in me,
which makes me thirsty to fill it with anything or anyone.
But that hole can only be filled by a loving Power,
a God of my own understanding.

I am not sure what God's will for me is sometimes,
but it sure isn't drinking myself to death in a basement.

I don't know if I really helped someone today,
but all I could do was share my experience
and i feel a little more free and connected.

This great unknowing is taking root
and making room for me to grow.

O Beloved,
may my soul
trust in you.

May I walk through fear
with knowing that
You love me

A yawn
long  stretch
before I
set out in motion

water falling from the sky
to wash away my shame

.                                          you                                     i
                                         smiled                            smiled



                            we                                                                my
                                 smiled                                           heart
                                           at life                         smiles      
                                                     with great joy

I want to break every bone in my body
and if the whole ocean was made of *****,
it wouldn't be enough to satisfy my thirst.

I'm tired walking on the spiritual path,
I want to just give up.
But still here,
still walking
even though I want to
crawl up and die.

the birds sing songs of praise rising to the heavens.

my life changed in a moment
I stopped trying to play God
I just didn't know it yet,
till I walked further along the way
and shared my experience with someone else

time  breaks
                                   down to a single moment
                         becomes                         infinite
                         free         of                     perception


                                                    ­             breathe   deep
                                                  
         ­                                                        breathe free of worries

                                                        ­                                                           in

                                                                ­                                                  and


                                                              ­                                                     out

                                                            ­                                                                
­                                            silence breaks into silence
                                            movement becomes stillness
                                                silence­ and stillness
                                                       ­     merge
                                                      ­        into
  
                                                                ­o
                                                               ­ n
                                                              ­  e

I was afraid of silence
The type of      silence  that felt heavy and oppressive.

The                  silence            before my father's fists would land on flesh.
      

But there's another type of  silence,                  one that is freeing.
The silence before laughter,                                silence that connects.
The silence that feels like the Great Void,        infinite and whole.
                                               silence that bridges all the
                                             fragments of pain and longing.
                                                        ­ silence before
                                                          ­  flowering
                                                     ­             of
                                                 ­              LOVE

Life is a chance.
Love is infinity.
Grace is reality.

May I be happy.

The world becomes a more hospitable place,
when my heart opens up.
I am happier, when my definition of happiness expands.
I hope someday my expands to infinity.

May I feel safe.

The living center caresses me,
and nurtures me like a nursing mother.
A loving God embraces the core of who I am,
and whispers "I love you."

May my heart open and be free.

My mind's voice becomes quiet and serene,
as it aligns itself  to the gentle rhythm of my heart.
My center is firm and whole,
and embraces infinity.

you cannot leave                          
the boundaries
of your cloister.

and yet, you have
crossed them a
thousand times.

writer. trappist.
human being.
adventurer.  seeker.
lover.

may you be free,
may your restless heart
be still.

may the Divine Lover
hold you in
ecstasy.

my heart melts into the infinite ocean.

i have been yearning and searching
to fill this God sized hole
in my heart.

my heart melts into the infinite ocean.

a vast emptiness i cannot fill
with my own power.
no external fix has ever been able
to fill this immense Nothing that
grows inside
of me.

my heart melts into the infinite ocean.

i stumble in the dark as
i am drawn to the rhythm of life.
the waves of the great ocean gently
call me to wholeness.

my body enfolds into oneness,
and my heart melts into the infinite ocean.

w                                                                ­                                       page
     o                                                                ­                  g           the
          r                                                  ­                     n             off
             d                                                    p          
                 s                                            a             i
                                                         e
                      bounce                  l
                                    aro­und

I awake to life
with each breath.

Breath in, I commit to life.
Breathe out, I trust in life.

I awake to my breath,
I become aware how
grateful for this often unconscious act
of saying
yes to
life.

the more my ego dies
each moment becomes
more beautiful

sipping my morning coffee
as you gently slumber in our bed
with life growing inside of you

we have a home with one another,
which is something I never dreamed of.

this sense of peace started with me asking help out of great silence, so I could awaken to your love

I used to afraid of everything and everyone.                                                     Fear immobilized me.
Frozen into a paralysis of emotions and resentments.                                      I stopped growing.
I slowly started dying on the inside one day at a time.                                    I wanted to fade away.

Today, I am still afraid, but not frozen in fear.                                                   I walk towards them.
I am not alone today, and my heart fills up with hope.                                   Love guides me through,
Slowly my heart and soul is awakening on the other side.                             to a life open to the present.

i fell in love with the Tao,
                        when i wandered the mountains of Korea
                                                                ­                                               as a child.

i cannot name the Tao,
                        or hold it conceptually like religious deities
                                                         ­                                                     unspoken.

i­ love the Tao,
                   when my heart is aflame in the great reality of
                                                              ­                                              now.

            
                                          i am fully alive,
                                                         when i flow with the great
                                                           ­                                                 Tao.

breath caught in throat
heart leaping out
this is love

new breath
awakening from death

new life
embracing the now

sorrow washes over me
as I mourn the loss of childhood,
but then sadness turns into a smile
as I remember that I get to let my kid be a kid

willingness to
be honest and vulnerable
cracks open the door of my heart
to allow love to flood in,
so I can then share what I have

fear holds me captive and
keeps the door of my heart closed.
I cannot give away what I don't have.

love frees me to open up to life,
and trust in connecting with another, which always feels like a leap.

I wait for you
always and forever,
patiently exploding inside.

are you a harbinger of death or life?
sometimes it feels so right to shoot the messenger.
you brought the message that my heart could not bare;
I feel as if I am dying from the inside.

how could it be that three simple words could
cut me to the bone,
"I hate you."

followed by the devastating blow of
"I never loved you."

the music faded long
before hearts were broken

it would be a very sad song indeed
if life was an unrequited love song

lucky for me that my last song
is an instrumental jazz number
with an upbeat tempo

.                                                 is                         life                                                        ­    VOID
                                 God                breathing                                     ­ into the                    
                                 O
                                 D                                                      g
        ­                 God is love                                     n
                                                               ­            i
        God             is                   space       d  
           i                                                 o    
           s           breath                   l
                                              p
    laughter   ­                 x
                                e

what we had is lost and gone,
I choose gratitude instead of bitterness.

the love we had could quickly turn into
resentment, fear and anger.

for our daughter's sake and for my own serenity,
I choose to practice love and tolerance.

I am choosing to be grateful for what we shared,
and present to the life created out of that love.

just for today, I embrace it all. the pain, joy, tears and laughter.

I mourn the loss of our marriage,
but love remains.

.                                             love is
                                              o
                                              v
                            love is love
                            o        
                            v
                      love     love
                      o          o
                   love is love
                      e           e

some days I wish I could fade into nothing
but then your love reminds me to stay
I plant roots and let love grow in me