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This body depriving me within 
Tints of sorrows conjured up—
In stains of abstinence of pure hollow
I couldn't breathe last night
My blood clogged up by my sins
Impasse on notions of my denial 

These paths lead me to dusk
At dawn I break just to fall again
I tried my best only to be drowned-—
Repetitively in this weir of waste
These eyes have not seen the world
Only norms that understood my roots of pain

I hid in places that no one knew 
Its host brought me to this ecstasy of elation
Only to realized it’s a transient rapture 
Only to torment & torture my desires
I saw my reflection inside these glinting bubbles
Scars of contempt & disgust
Filled my heart with pure dejection

Is this what I’m left with?
Will tonight be my time?
Will I be free?
From myself
From the ache,
The mask,
The cruel beneath—
From the endless war inside of me.


Erennwrites
Are we all really free?
Choose before you lose,
Your mind.
I
    Keep
Clawing
       Away
   But
        You're
   Still
In
     My
  Head
and no matter how many pills I take, it stays the same way....
Making the journey
From thought to word -

Grasping at nervous jitters that
Shake my fingers like the rattle
Of an infant

And telling them as firm I can -
"STOP,"
"Don't,"
"this should be easy."

Is about as easy as mending a shattered glass whole


Speaking up.
No, no. No.
Speaking at all.
It is no less than a marathon.
And the marathon is done, eventually. I've spoken. It's fine.
(Managed a smile, too. The shaking's almost gone.)

Yet the race, it remains invisible. No trophies or medals
For this marathon.

I pray to gods I don't even know.
I wish the sweating gone
falling across my skin in waves and tumbles
It's far harder to hide when they come along

(The shaking is easily concealed.
Two smokes - nonexistent. ****.
Sorted. Done.)

But talking was never meant to be medicated

Bury this anxiety. Bury it dead and gone.

I'm finished with just getting by

The world is mine from dawn.
A big f*** you to the devil that is social anxiety
 Dec 2014 shawan sharma azad
Ady
In my mind, I break things.
I throw picture frames at walls
shatter the vase of wilting flowers
shove books out of their cases
rip apart their pages,
tear away their seams until they are back
to an incoherent soup of letters
and their well meaning themes and phrases
have become but what my life is,
poignant and pathetic.

There is nothing, no reaction.
I wreck havoc in my head
while I give a picture of composure
as you lecture me on how to live my life
when yours is nothing but in shambles.

In my mind,
I run away, take a train and live
to see brighter days.

It's one of those days,
where I remind myself not to let go yet.
But one of these days,
I'm walking out in to the sea and all you'll see
are the specks of gleaming water in the breeze.
One of those days.
One of these days.
 Dec 2014 shawan sharma azad
A
They take away the pain
And in turn my inspiration
blah
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