Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place

"I love you so much"
is scrawled in the dust of my TV.
Every time I roll over and see the
motivation, my lip curves-
I feel you in what was a tent, now a house,
constructed in me.

A full house to clean,
I can't even keep the dust off my TV.
Your lips press onto me
and I swear I can feel every
glass window shatter in rooms of my knees.

I'd pick up the glass with my bare hands
just so you
could see the daylight through the pieces
in the morning.

Sometimes I let the storms tear down my walls,
allow visitors to leave the stove on a little too long-
and I push myself to the weeping willow to vanish.
You notice the lights are off and I am thrown in the wagon,
pulled back home to safety.
I don't mean to be so selfish,
thinking that I matter out there when graced
under the vines of Mother nature.

You are my comfort zone,
my bed on a sick day,
and I love you more than any of these words.

I’ll endeavour to look brightly now.
Knees bouncing and brittle,
No ginger treading in the endless streets.
These footsteps clink like charms
Through all of the peaceful, curtained slumbers.

And I sing, you see,
To myself, and only me.
I sing my sorrow like an exorcism
And it leaves.
I am free, I am here now.

My shadow is so joyfully invisible,
But I am here.
Aren’t I?
I promise I am here.

I exist as a mirror
Wild lights have glazed over your skin
My whispers are tarnished
Our bodies a shield
Against the coming chills of a brittle wind

I linger with a breeze-like touch,
It comes out hoarse and swollen.
Thoughts  uttered with a breath of regret
Or a sigh of relief.

Your face turns foreign, a mesh of dark warmth
A light without the sun.
We’re all a wounded red
on the inside.

Sorry I'm such a burden.
But my depression can show up so sudden.
It comes an goes,
Sometimes when I fake that smile to the world,
I can fake out myself.
I think I'm happy sometimes.
But I never am.

A poets heart
Is that of torn and tattered pages
Filled with words that beg to be expressed
That most will deny, and keep repressed
So filled with vengeful hate,
Twisted love,
Sweat-breaking fear,
Painful anger,
Created not by the friends they keep close
But the demons they host
My heart is that of a poet
Cold, but true
And if you understand what the demons mean,
Well then
You might be one too.

The scariest thing
is not being able to trust your own mind.
It is my woeful enemy
shooting me from behind.
Filled with nerves and harsh thoughts
i battle salty streaks and stomach knots.
I have no appetite and get no sleep
maybe its why i seem and feel so weak.
And while i try to understand this corruption
the anxiety and depression continue their introductions.
So theres a reason my mind and heart weep
over my broken thoughts that run so deep.
My doctor tells me this is "common"
that "others have it and are doing awesome".
But even though i know the stats
it doesn't make me feel any less like shattered glass.
And at the end this monster will take over
its slowly growing and getting closer and closer.
So dear friend, watch out for your mind
or you'll end up with a monster who is incredibly unkind.