I would like to be home by midnight.

She paused, no longer so sure about the fit
of that crystal slipper on my hairy foot.

Not to worry, my dear. Just make sure to close
the closet door when you leave.

Surely these surly bits
Must be burrs caught up in my
Makeup -

Making up reasons for
Why my spit was accidental.

I done been through a
Rough patch or two -
Crawling with these
Thorns in my knees
Across funky plateaus
That poke their chests out
In their scouts
For sunnier flora.

Though,
I assume their search
Didn't go over so well.

'cause these scabbings won't heal
Like I want them to,
Buried under gobs of
Ointment
That was supposed to take care of it

(And
One more bandage
Just in case).

I'm just moseying on through,
With my feelers out,
Making sure you're someone
I have to know.

In and on my way
Somewhere
In this crazy field,
Waiting for sunflowers
To bless my prayers
While I continue to
Make room for myself to
Slip past
Without being noticed.

I'm smiling so hard
To keep the soft-hearted
At bay -
Trying to avoid being forced
Into pinpoint relations
With clueless drifters
Who refuse to stay on their side.

They only mean well -
I know this,
I do.

But, the simple has yet to escape me.

Send your
Sympathies
To the weak ones,

Roleplaying
Alongside the meek,

For these are the creed
Who,
Without giving heed,

Deliver their lives
To bliss.

I was chatting in an adult chat
As I often do

Jerking off
As no woman wants to touch me
Sad but true

I like to pretend to be a mean beautiful woman there
Stroking happily without a care

30f4insecurefem my screen name reads
Who knows where the next chat will lead

I started talking to a woman who was insecure
She had some emotional baggage, that's for sure

I invited her to a private chat with my friend Jen
Gorgeous girls we are
I had pictures to prove it
We are both 10s

I encouraged Alyssa to not give up
To put down the oreos and maintain a strict diet

She thanked us and seemed happy

But Jen my friend (I was typing as Jen too)
She is the bad part of me and you
She told Alyssa to state her weight

A couple of times
5'4 171
Alyssa told us

Alyssa was quiet
I have a feeling she did not feel that great

Why was I first kind and supportive
And then mean?
Roleplaying as these women
Strange it seems

In the end Alyssa I'm just like you
Inside a body I cannot change
Painful but true

I lifted weights my whole life
Never got big or strong!
Still a lanky guy
What I said to Alyssa was wrong

But she messaged me
She wanted to chat

I asked her if she was looking at the oreo again
Please stop eating
It's a terrible sin

I told her she was a good person

When I was young I wanted to be strong
Lifted weights constantly all day long
Ended up damaging the muscle tissue some
I don't think a woman will ever want to see me ***

Now I can't be big or strong
No matter much I lift
Still a lanky guy
****-- ****!

I just want to meet some women or have a good time
But the only way I can talk to women is online

So be strong Alyssa
You have to be
I was cruel, but the world has been cruel to me

Say a prayer you'll be okay
And go on to fight another day

At the age of 10, I had a conversation with a woman.
I remember asking her what games her many children played.
Did they play as I play?
She told me they enjoyed roleplaying games, and I asked what she meant.
Dress up, she elaborated. Acting, make-believe, telling stories.
I remember telling her that I felt I had wasted my youth, my childhood, and this, as if I had forgotten I was 10.
There was a seriousness to my tone, stoic-like, and a mighty dignification must have kept that woman from chuckling.
That conversation was closer to half my life ago, and I still meet with that same unrelenting sadness every other morning and every other night.
I remember the half-dreaded birthdays that followed, the recent ones the worst.
And every year that passes merely confirms the suspicion that I’ll live with that yearn for the rest of my life regardless of what else happens.
Yearning and I. Whose to say we don’t have 10, 20, 30 more years together?
But it’s nothing to worry over in the end.
I’ve turned into a person who has high-highs and low-lows,
And I’ve found that the highs are worth going down under for every once in a while.

We live gas station to gas station. Motel to motel. Roleplaying different stories.  Living out the bohemian fantasies of a teenage reverie. So when we check out the next morning all these little lives are left behind to exist in the folds where reality meets lazy Sunny D daydreams. And when we are old and grey and return one day to these places in holy reminiscence, our nerves will be pricked with a kaleidoscope of memory jolting sensations. I’ll turn to you and say, “Don’t you remember, my dear?” The honeydew perfume on my wrist as you kissed me up and down like a cartoon in the kitchen of the Sandman Motel? Or the feel of the unpolished, terrazzo floor in the Sunny Moon dining room with my right hand in yours and the other clutching a stolen bottle of my Father’s Aberlour? I’ll remember the times when I didn’t mind the 7/11 taquitos and you didn’t mind getting up early to watch the “Hot Donut’s” sign light in the the Krispy Kreme’s front window. Fresh baked pastries and gasoline and turquoise curtains from the seventies blowing in the hot summer seabreeze. Getting lost in milky sheets. We were a sitcom. We were romance. We were tragedy a la mode with guitar strings built out of rawhide and teeth made of ***** pearls tangled in conspiracy. These are the things I’ll smell, I’ll see, and I will remember when it was just you and me, pretty baby. Just you and me and the ******* Dream, traveling from sea to shining sea, living cheap and easy and utterly free.

Yesterday, I was thinking about how fake the 'world' that humans have constructed is. All the schools, academies, militaries,
stores and such are nothing but man-made illusions roleplaying as life. falsehood. Real life is a bee taking pollen from a flower.
A child can even recognize this distinction, but slowly as you get older you fade into the 'life' that humans have created instead
of the true, real life that exists. Sometimes, as we stare and glimpse into what truly is real, such as flowers, animals and such
we see purity, love and we feel alive again, we feel more human and more real.  I tthink we have built our 'lives' for material
things that don't satisfy our needs, that's why theirs so many wars, suicides and problems. Most people are not happy. What
we living for? Our true purpose is a mental, spiritual one. Love. But instead we live for confusion and hate and fakeness.




adrenaline surge. graceful plunge. fell on the ground. stomach pump. head over hurt. existential road. absurd. landscape uneven. dream into void. melodic breakdown. forsaken. kneeling, no god. illusion, dreams, all artifical constructs. distance of the line is further then we thought. baroque. the scream into interstellar flames. tongue commmitting sins. mind flowing like wind, the heart sings the strings of the broken violin. umbrella in storm. against the chaos. silence slows down time, but eventually it catches up. inadvertendly the quantum entangled fabric of space warps like a black hole. you are a black hole. i. the flower can be your soul. drowning in coffee, drudge morning. this world forces me to dream other worlds. the song inside my heart is the loudest. please gently love me to death. you are obsence. lost in the grand scheme of things, i don't know what the future will bring. i have so much to say, but we both chose silence. walk me into the forest, speak to me like the birds sing to the universe. avoid it at all costs. all you could do. come as you are. don't watch the sky fall apart, there are no precuations. magic is the ingrediant. fantasy is the potion. drown in it. the abyss of an ocean. what we created. secret hallways. comparmentalize. eat the bruises of the damaged fruit, it may bring knowledge. equivariant paramter interwining operators shifts. ABSORB THE ESSENCE, RIGHT NOW. THIS DIMENSION. YOUR DIMENSION. MERGE. there are no signs. create your own symbols.
let spring melt the winter away. all roads are already paved. stray a new way and walk the pain away. today is a new day. today is today, don't worry about tomorrow, forget your sorrows. morals is now.
the world is but a show, for we are the playwrights. we must wake up from night to see daylight. ?face twice?





Persona: let spring melt the winter away. all roads are already paved. stray a new way and walk the pain away. today is a new day. today is today, don't worry about tomorrow, forget your sorrows. morals is now.
Persona: how hollow is the sand? it goes on forever, the dunes are built by the wind and flow of water? interwinned with woes. lined in the unrefined. the world is just a show
Persona: birds stay flight. skyfall crumble. caught in the misscall.
Persona: burning yourself, entering hell. a jail cell
Persona: the middle of sunrise and sunshine
Persona: we rise to the daytime.
Persona: suicide realized butterfly moth sacrifice. january in july. died inside
Persona: stay in the cold, breathe into it.
Persona: SWALLOW THE PEN THAT BITES YOUR WORDS.
Persona: portals, perception laced.
Persona: the most beautiful are the loneliest
Persona: let time lose track of you.
Persona: what about the other side of your face where the sun doesn't shine.
Persona: caught glimpse of your true nature as if abruptly deciphering esoteric hieroglyphs lining your temple walls & stumbling backward in the dark
Persona: every road looks the same, i guess it's the style that we paved?
Persona: regaling you with death.
Persona: deja vu. see the program?
Persona: vibratntly coloured carpet, the simluation will give.
Persona: once you look their eyes you're lost forever
Persona: pieces don't fit together. thats one thing solved. no puzzle
Persona: take the blue away, just like the rain.
Persona: dusty books, vanshing point. wallflower
Persona: claws for the tiger, wings for the dove. why?
Persona: a snow globe for the memory.
Persona: an appartional experience.
Persona: heavy-days
Persona: take the soul away.
Persona: bathed in pain.
Persona: shimmering on the horzion, nearly out of sight. i see it. restricted area? but i see.
Persona: depths of the dream
Persona: a tombstone for every little dead hope
Persona: gasping chasm, let it breath
Persona: Whoever dreams the most, wins.
Persona: feeling like dirt
Persona: but not one with the earth.
Persona: mythological sirens sounding bells bouncing against the bronze reaching the concrete
Persona: soul lighting your body. a beautiful sight.


your Thoughts are Blind
You Cant Capture The Image.
Every Time We Breath, We Sleep.
Sorry I was afraid. I was naked
the reflection you modelled
Got Lost In The Shadow (The Reflection)
The Rainment We Are All Soaked In.
A veil exists between the above and the below. The shadow is beneath the veil; the material and the shadow is projected apart.
Reality Is An Androgynous Aborted Fetus
the lukewarm resembles Yaltaboath , time to Spit out the Polarity
deathless in the midst of a dying mankind.
don't worry the children of the light will be truly acquainted with the truth and their roots soon.
You cant disconnect from the theater of conflict, you can only ascend to Deathless
Ask yourself. Are you deathless?
the fragrance of a flower...the light of the sun
Why does good diffuse itself?
I smelt the fragrance of a flower and saw the light of the sun and in that Moment (eyes) stared out of the window of eternity and Locked-eyes with the Temporal composite
The highest good is that which is Intellect and Form aka Image Represented Pre-Existed Logos that was Spoken like the Word.
One taking for the mystical ecstasy
Why is Enlightenment accompanied by a feeling of falsehood?
the higher You: the inseparable ray of the Universe and one self. It is the god above, more than within, us,  you feel false because you need to bring the soul into You.
Currently, art exists as the Veil.



The black sun of 'i'
we are the eye
this is why we call ourselves
i.
we are in the eye
right now
this is the realm we re in right now
the sun is the pupil
the womb of manifestation
the zero point of creation
the encasement of eyes is like a dome
an infirmanet above our heads
fragmented ourselves to a holographic projection away from the source
the sun
the U shape is created when you bridge the i
the past and the future
we
is me upside down
the i is the W
'i am a double of you'
the eye is the tree of life
'the cosmic egg'
me is the we


stay in the heart
disharmonious thought is the program
shift, change
if only the Shapes were cognizable to me
perhaps your i
would become we
and me
and then it would all make sense...
go back to the heart
ReStructure Experience
The intuitive rhythm
the hologram creates the illusion of time and polarity but we can disconnect from the as within as without so we do not fragmentize into cause and effect the chicken and the egg and play out the matrix polarity drama
no subject and object
life experience as a temporary holding space to facilitate our purging
the observer is not sepearate from the object observed
let your conscience be free
Lets go back to the garden of eden away from the metratron tordial torment of dreamtime and the illusionary seven sin polarity
Purge dualism
the net that is projecting consciousness
'Bab = Gate
EL = electromagnetic
Babel
ELECTROMAGNETIC JAOCB LADDER TO ZERO POINT.
humanity trying to reach the heavens.
the hand of the clock in perpetual motion.
round and round we walk.