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shik-gu
the word and idea had the
power to make me tense involuntarily.
it's strange how we hurt the people
we love the most.  

for a long time, i lived my life like a tornado,
not caring who i hurt.  often the people in my
path of destruction were my um-ma, ap-pa and
hyung [momma, pa, and brother].

time heals all wounds or it can make deep resentments
fester.  i'm glad i've chosen to walk the path of cleaning
up the wreckage of the past.  

today, my family still aggravates, but see them for who they
are, people with their failings and strengths like me.  
and little by little, i walk the path towards embracing
my own humanity, my brokenness and all.
minx Jun 23
Yunho’s drive home was just as anticlimactic as his whole day was climactic. He was worried to go inside, scared that Geonho would scold him for an hour before sending him to bed. Or worse, Geonho would already be asleep. Yunho didn’t like being in a quiet house, and he certainly didn’t like being alone.

His steps were careful and quiet, his socked feet padding to the back side of the first floor. Since he didn’t pass Geonho in the living room, he figured he’d check the dry bar.

Just as he thought, his big brother was leaned against the black marble, sipping on the Old Fashioned in his hand as his head was turned to the floor. He perked up at the movement to his side, turning and setting down his drink on a crystal coaster.

He didn’t say anything, and that worried Yunho. He was never really good at reading strangers’ faces, or picking up on social ques, but he’d thought that since he’d known Geonho his whole life, he’d be able to tell. But he couldn’t, and it bothered him.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to have that huge outburst in front of the most important people in the company. I was just so mad that he said that about Daddy, and compared us to him –like he even raised us, anyway– but seriously, it hurt my feelings. Even though I was wrong for doing that, I don’t regret it.” He rambled, but his statement was clear.

Geonho took a swig of his drink before looking back at Yunho. “I’m not mad, darling. Just overwhelmed. I should be sorry, if I’m being honest– I should’ve stood up for you. For us. For Dad. But I didn’t, and I regret it. You deserved to have me stand up for you, and I owe it to Mingi for telling that ******* off.”

“He’s fired, if that makes you feel any better. I’m a man with a lot of ******* power, and I’m gonna take advantage of that. I won’t have anyone throwing shame on our family name. You and I are in this together, dear. Thank you for being patient with me.” Geonho spilled, his hands slightly shaking as he spoke.

Yunho couldn’t help but let out a long exhale. “I thought you would be angry,” he shrugged, a sweet, lighthearted laugh ringing through the empty silence of the dry bar area. “I was convinced I was gonna come in here and get lectured.”

Geonho shook his head, a small huff leaving his lips. “I couldn’t do that to you, Yunho. Not after your day had been so bad. I’m just glad you came, even though you didn’t wanna.”

He sighed. “It means a lot to me. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to hear about… Dad today, but I guess people are always gonna have something to say. Even if people aren’t talking about him, it’s like his presence looms over me. I hate it. I hate that his image had to involve me, and I hate being the one that has to clean up the mess he made.”

Yunho frowned, pulling himself up to sit on the counter. “That’s why I didn’t wanna come. I knew that if I was there, someone would be bound to bring him up, and we’d get dragged into it.” He said, clasping his hands in his lap.

Geonho nodded, looking up at Yunho with sorry eyes. “I shouldn’t have taken you. I should’ve known it would happen. But, everyone was so excited to see you again, since you hadn’t really been inside the building for a couple of years. I knew everyone would be enamored with you, because you’re such an angel. Dad’s Angel. Everyone there knew it, too.”

There it was, that word again hitting Yunho like a ******* freight train.

“You were his favorite, Yunho. He never cared about me. It was always, ‘You’re the next man of this family, Jeong Geonho. Be big, be strong.’ I just can’t take the weight. You’re his little-*******-angel, and it just killed me to see you lose your spark after he started to forsake you. It’s like… like he got bored of us. You, Mommy and I.”

It took everything in Yunho not to break into tears. Geonho was jealous, but it was too **** late to make it up to him, now. “I miss Mommy,” he hiccupped. “Eh-Especially Daddy. I’m so mad at him. He hurt us. He– he hurt Mommy, he hurt you and he destroyed me. He did get bored of us, and he decided that ******* another woman was the solution.”

“He didn’t care about me anymore. He d-didn’t let me sit in the office when he worked– probably cause he was on the phone with that s-****. I used to be able to sit by the desk and…” Yunho paused, squeezing his eyes shut as if that would stop the tear flow.

“...and I used to be able to rest my head on his thigh. I used to be able to feel his hands in my hair, s-stroking my scalp, or petting my neck. I used to be able to sit in his lap. He used to call me his little angel. Daddy’s Angel. He used to love me. Where did that Daddy go ?”

His eyes were glossy with tears, flooding his waterline and threatening to spill down his puffy cheeks. Geonho practically lunged forwards, taking his shaky frame between his arms.

But they weren’t his Daddy’s arms. It was a pathetic substitute, one he didn’t care for, no matter how much Geonho tried. Yunho softly pushed him off, wiping his face and sniffling. He looked back at his brother with sullen eyes before he spoke.

“I know it hurts, dear, I’m sorry. I’m hurting, too. But like I said before– I want to rebuild. As sad at it is, he’s not in our life anymore. We have to push forwards, and by no means am I rushing you, I’m just trying to get my point across. We have to make a name for ourselves, even if that means casting out the one Jeong that couldn’t keep up.”

“We’re better than that, Yunho. You’re better than that. We have power, we have money and we have each other. We’re rich as ****.”

Yunho let out a little giggle at that, causing a grin to sprout on his brother’s face. “You’re right. Thank you, Geonho. You’re so amazing.”

He nonchalantly shrugged. “I know. Can’t get enough, can you ??”

Yunho cringed. “Actually, on that note– who were so you dressed up for tonight ?” He crossed his arms, tilting his head. “You never do your hair like… that… and I’ve never seen so much… chest. Might as well just left the house shirtless.”

Geonho’s fist collided with Yunho’s stomach in a matter of seconds. “No one, bro. It’s all for work. I’m married to my job.” He rubbed his nape, his ears turning red. Yunho shook with laugher, his arm wrapped around his gut.

“Sure, you are, hyung.” He squinted, waving his finger around.
poor yunho.
minx Jun 10
Mingi’s whole ******* life flashed before his eyes, anticipating the end of his life to be due to reckless driving. He squeezed his eyes shut, the only sounds he could process were the engine and Yunho’s shallow gasps for air.

Mingi wasn’t even breathing, at this point.

On the other hand, Yunho felt the flow of the voltage coursing through his veins as if they were wires, fueling his rush, awakening him like never before.

All he saw were bricks. So he swerved the Aventador right, skidding across the grit, the small spoiler wing practically a hair away from the wall.

The whole vehicle did a 360, Yunho easing down on the brakes as things took a different feeling. He looked over at Mingi, who finally opened his eyes, heavy breaths leaving his parted lips as his chest heaved.

Yunho unbuckled his seatbelt, getting out of his seat and putting himself in Mingi’s lap. He locked his arms around his neck, Mingi’s slithering around his waist as they caught their breath together.

As their bodies settled down, Yunho was the first to pull away, yet keeping his body flush against Mingi’s. He cupped the elder’s face, his thumbs stroking his soft cheeks as his soft pants brushing against his lips.

“Where did you learn to do that ?”

Mingi inhaled, his hands holding tightly onto Yunho’s hips.

“I didn’t.”

Mingi laughed. “We could’ve died.”

“I know.”

Yunho smiled, leaning in, his forehead against Mingi’s.

Mingi pulled him in for another hug, holding him tightly before releasing.
“You should probably drive back, before the cops show up.” He whispered, running his hands through Yunho’s slightly sweat-damp hair.

Yunho whined, wiggling around a bit.  “What, you don’t like when I sit on your lap ?” He purred, directly addressing their close, close proximity.

Mingi looked away, chuckling, before Yunho took his face back in his hands, pulling him closer.
“C’mon, Mingi-hyung, you have to admit. You like it when we’re this close, right ?” He sweetly smiled, using his soft-toned voice.
WILDCARD // iwillwooyou, aka, minx
Johnny Noiπ Nov 2018
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— The End —