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I wondered the desert a lone luchador exiled from his home country .
I missed many things .

A warm bed to romance my many senioritas and a hot tub to enjoy underwater exploration .

The great dictator had banished ******* to wonder the dessert .
All because of the lack of a green card .

He was a evil man with orange hair and a small ***** but a man who understood sometimes you simply had to grab life by the ***** .

I admired that .
Although being a outcast in this desert made me wish I could challenge him to a no holds barred ******* match .

Wear I would wrestle him.into submission .

I thought to myself ******* how can you allow this old lesbian to defeat you?

I decided to turn back and march myself to Washington for i was a man amongst many oiled and **** .

I tweaked my ******* and called across the desert .
Well actually I just called a uber. 

I was off to challenge my opponent to a true battle of mono e mono .
A great debate on public access television .

For I ******* was going to run for president of the untied states .
I would change many things .

Making all drugs legal allowing free trade with Canada and finally allowing there people to cross freely into are country .

I would of course build the wall around New Jersey so no more terrible reality television shows could be produced .

I would issue all people knives and guns and make all vegans leave taking there ****** food with them.


I would also close all schools so as to prevent shootings and allow television to teach all the children what needed to know.

I would make ****** harassment punishable by spanking .

And I would make minimum wage a hundred pesos a hour .


I would rise to the level of other great presidents like Orson Wells and Elvis Presley. 

Ole Ole Ole .

A vote for ******* is a vote for ******* what else do you think it is sugar britches .
In my office me and Gonzo waited speaking on deep issues
with no true meaning as usual.
*******'s heart had been broken for Drew had   left him a beaten and
love bitten  luchador slash attorney.

Senior Gonzo speaking endlessly to the hat rack had reminded me why
I never  dropped acid anymore.
Poor gonzo had just been served with divorce papers  to which
his only response was ****** amigo  i never knew i was married.


As his attorney  i belived a trip to mexico was outta the question for i had just got back do to some well a misunderstanding  its legal
jargin you  couldnt possibly understand.

His deadline was near  and without my solid advise this man wouldnt be able to pull it off  so being we had been in the bar for more than
eight hours  we decided to make a exit through the  mens room window.


Front doors are over rated.
In my legal office slash camper  hey eveyone starts somewhere
okay.
  I was reminded of my  loved hellcat Drew
she had left many items here a satanic bible  her  boil cream.
how I did mis rubbing her webbed toes.

How was i to work Gonzo was a mess hidding under the table
so the ginger bread people couldnt find him
and return him to there  bitter talentless leader
Kate Perry  i swear if you stab me one more time senior  gonzo
with that fork in my maracas im going to get medevile on your ***

Oh how i missed my tag team partner drew.
i should never have introduced her el man donkey who
resist such a uhh personallity.

But now here I  sit with a madman under my table tripping his
***** off   insisting  I contact Simon Cowell  to inform him
man ******  are so yesterday.

If only I had gotten the Lindsy Lohan case  I would finally have gotten my brake or maybe just a std.
Oh well theres always hope Mel Gibson  will need me.
The road warrior was a true classico  and he seemed so well
balanced compared to my   reallity challenged  cilent.

Remember kids if ever  you have a chance to trip with senior Gonzo
its probaly best you hide all sharp objects.
adios  *******
el ******* is always availible for quick and honest legal advise
i except all major credit cards and  will take trade as well
******* loves you all  just like  sisters  even the men to
adios
Ola amigos  are you being harassed by a old woman
who ressembles a drag queen  or worn crack *****.
Then live in fear no longer.

Hello I am Mexican wrestling legend El *******.
I will put my years of profesional wrestling experience  to
great use taking this bully  putting them into a headlock and
wrestling them to the ground having my way with them.

No worries my online degree has taught me how to deal wit cyber bully's very well.
I will hunt them down and bring them to the court  of justice myself.

I represent many fine clients here please take my card.
turn it over im working on getting some.
Anyways you need help look no further than me.

Please come to me with any legal questions and join
the offices of El *******.
When you need help our  maybe just a cuddle
I am your one stop solution.

Thank you my friends.
Please I need the clients   I will fight for you till the  end
please hire me today
The scene was chaos almost like black friday at El Wallmarto.
people being pushed around by ******'s who didnt
even own a pair of spandex tights.

Or even know the glory of winning a no holds barred naked lumberjack
with a ***** splintter match.
The people needed a hero.
they screamed for the legends return please poppi
save us from the ordinary.

My amigo's were persecuted  and i sat helpless traped across the boader do to a bogus  lack of green card.
I must have left it in my other tights.

but once again like a old man on crystal **** and ****** the champion has returned to claim his crown.

And to shake his groove thing all over Hello  once again.
With the strength of a small well shaved bear.
And the eye's of a low flying seagull I shall drop some splatters
of wisdom apon my fellow amigos.

Chips and salsa for everyone .
no longer heartbroken from my hellcat seniorita Drew
yes her bite marks i wear proudly  in places I need to tan.

Let the little gringos sing like pretty little birdies
and senoiritas run through the fields like in thoose not
so fresh comercials.

Go tell amigos everywhere pour the cervesa
For El ******* Rides again.
This message brought to you by the campain for El ******* who's plans to lower the drinking age to 5  well finally get thoose little buggers to to bed.

And by the fine folks at sticky pages magazine.
Yes when you want high quality ****.
look no further than sticky pages.

Fin
El Bastardo Mar 2013
Long after my injust exhile from  this  site I began a time of deep thinking.
And after many cervasas and long nights with ***** women I thought.
Where is my life going besides to the free clinic every other day to cure
the ******* of fire.

It was then I remembred a wise amigo a man amoungst many men
not because he was strange they just happend to all gather togather in that spot.
Unlike a bathhouse once I only went to a few times to have some male bonding
time and to enjoy a nice backrub.

But enough with my college years.
My once mighty amigo told me.
******* dont ever let them hold you back for the evil forces are many
yet you cant **** crazy  well maybe with a gun but that would take many bullets amigo.

It was then i knew I must return to the land of Hello.
To bring joy to many and annoy young teenage  writers who think vampires can walk around in daylight and werewolves run in large packs with other amigos in Alaska.
How I wish i lived there as well.

It had been far to long since this gravyard of like button zombies  had taken off
there pants turned off the lights  and  had a hot oil ****.
At least I hope that was oil.

It had been  a cold summer south of the boarder but that doesnt mean there wasnt fire down below.
Much like with older women.

So I packed the pinto and like a really fast minded person moving at a well
much slower gear I was off.
For where there is a need there is well a place people
probaly want something to suit that need.

So spank my spandex wearing *** and call me MR Pickles.
Cause The ******* has returned amigos.

Ole!!!
En la grana de un prado sanguíneo
o en un bosque de cabezas cercenadas,
la viuda reclama la carne
de un párvulo *******.

Allí donde entonan sus voces
un coro de lamentos disonantes.
Reniega de su apetito
la matriarca del barrio francés

Pues los gritos de Joliet
no inquietan su consciencia,
cosechan en cambio,
un jardín de culposos deleites

Placeres como solo admite,
la maquiavelia de una gioconda
que envuelta en lujosos atavíos
extiende sus garras al inocente
.
Ni hablar del perjurio voraz,
que oculta a la fantasía
la marea virgen del infortunio
y el propio siniestro.

La desesperación de una madre
que devora a sus hijos con el don de Saturno.

Para la que no hay erotismo
sino aquel que evoca
el rigor cadavérico.

Vapores que ascienden
desde el lecho en descomposición,
y alimentan su magia.

Celebran el cruento dolor del infante,
con la mirada de espanto
apenas visible en el carmesí
de sus finas pestañas

Porque es claro como la luna
y tan cierto como la muerte
que en la viuda no hay gozo,
sin el grito que desgarra la noche.

Sin la brea que desciende
sobre el horizonte,
y la angustia que acompaña
la pasión de la masacre.
... o mejor dicho, la viuda de Jacques Paris, Marie Laveau, la maga del Misisipi y su muñeca  Joliet, a quienes olvidara la historia por imitar a los titanes y consumir a sus hijos con el vigor de las masas famélicas

— The End —