Years ago "I'm sorry"
was heartfelt remorse...
    empathy  
       sympathy...
All honest and true.
But with the years
came more than
     weight
        wrinkles
             lost vanity...
Life also dealt
      heartbreak
          loss of loved ones
Pain that at times
    that was unbearable.
I carry the emotional scars
the pain of
parent
     mother
        wife
              failed lover...
Scars great and small,
     healed or
          bleeding
              gaping wounds...
So when I apologize
       it is more than mere words.
It is the soul of a kindred spirit.
       desperately hoping my words
will ease some of your pain
      because now
              I know....

When my child is in pain
I see more than the young man
       desperately trying to find his footing
               as an adult.
I see the baby
   that stayed in the hospital
      while I went home
         until he was better....
I see the little boy
    crying in my car after school
        thanks to the school yard bully...
            I feel the defeat of every game lost....
I see one of only a handful
    I would sacrifice my life for
        without hesitation...
I carry all of their pain
     lost in my reality
        I can't take it away....
I wish they all remained
    3 years old
      when a hug and a kiss
        remedied all their ails...
This pain I know is mine
    I carry it to the grave...
with nothing but faith
     in the fact that
My sons are strong
       and they will
          find their own way.

Which is worse?
The devastating anguish that accompanies-
    your child's first
          heartbreak
              major disappointment....
Or the reality that with each subsequent success
you shift from
      major player
         to footnote
in the book of your child's life?
*(long deep sigh)

It began as
    a low sob
       growing from a whisper
Fueled with
    anger
        anguish
Momentum gained as it added
   the voices of
      heartbreak
        desperation
               fear.
Painful to hear
    the depth of
       an inconsolable hurt.
Can anyone ease
    her screams into the dark?
Hold her?
     Tell her it will be OK?
I wish I could
   I try....
Then comes the stark realization
     The screamer
         is me........

Warm smiles,
        melt into cold stares.
Knowing touches,
      grow into cold shoulders.
Love doesn't disintegrate into hatred...
     when left
           unattended
                  neglected
                        ig­nored
It mutates grotesquely
       into indifference.
The language of love
     is reduced to
           a language of silence....

Dying love in a gilded cage,
Imprisoned by my pent up rage.
You never loved me, but neither did I,
The last gift you gave was the gift of goodbye.