If only life
would afford a do over...
I would cut down on
the hours I've worked...
Take more time to appreciate
my sons and
     the stick figures holding hands
           with heart shaped puffs of smoke
               bellowing from the chimney
                    in the picture of our home
                          they drew.
I would learn how to share the pain
      my friends may endure
         keeping in touch
            not letting months go by
               buried in work
                  instead of sharing a glass of wine.
I would know my worth
   not waste precious moments of life
      on worthless relationships....
Go fishing with my father
      Hug him - just because
          Take every opportunity just to say
              I love and appreciate you....
Not waste so much time
          trying to please a mother
              who never wanted me.
I would learn to love me - first.
And when I met you
     all you would see
         is me getting smaller
                as I walked away.....

I marvel at those
able to maintain faith.
A belief that
    everything happens for a reason
         a greater good.
The hope there are answers
of why...
     a 3 month old baby is ***** and killed,
           a ******* can hide behind a collar.
Why a few grow fat with privilege-
      while children scrounge trash cans for food.
Why so many good people
      contemplate death as an alternative to loneliness....
Is it faith?
    A belief in a higher power?
To we who live the nightmare
      suffering -
         day in -
             day out....
Your faith
      Your belief
           Your meaningless words of comfort
is nothing more than
    magical
        thinking.

Whispers in the dark,
     memories of passion lost.
Regrets born of the
    would of
        could of
           should of...
Best friend lost
     Unrequited conversations
          a phone - silent and still.
The bond
    a connection
          kismet....
Nothing more than ruin.
A realization
     The whispers in the dark
          are the screamings of my *heart

He seemed like a nice guy
misunderstood,
sad story.
Six figure career
He just wants someone to love...
Ex-wife's a *****-
at least that what he says
    and you want to believe him...
What he won't tell you is
that ex made it possible
for his advanced degrees.
How she put her goals aside
to further his...
How he befriended her sons
now denying his responsibility...
Nor the time he smashed
her glasses into her face
while she was comforting their
two month old son...
The years he inflicted abuse,
verbal - because she swore
the next time he raised his fist,
would be his last....
       and he believed her.
Moving her away from her family
chasing away her friends
He blames her for the alienation of their son-
Yet he won't tell you why, at 18 that son still
wants nothing to do with him....
He's such a nice guy
misunderstood
You're sure
he will treat
you better...
beware!