i will never be remembered
no one thinks to include me
no one recalls that i exist
at least, in some form
maybe not in a place where they can see me
even the one person i trust fully
seems to forget that i am still here
and that talking to him is what keeps me grounded
but he is too far from me to see this
and i cannot blame him for that
everyone keeps begging me to stay alive
to keep fighting and to continue like i have so much potential
i have this incredible future in front of me and i'm here working towards it
yet no one thinks to remind me what that potential is
maybe my destiny is finding a way
to die without a big show
because, let's face the facts
no one would come to see it anyway

So many people around me
I'm all alone in this crowded space
The tables and chairs even shy away from me as if I were plagued
But I know the truth and I know that I'm not diseased
I am brilliant, a fire that cannot be stopped
When I notice another person alone and think
"Wow I am not the only one"
The person they are waiting for makes an appearance and the lonely face breaks into a smile
The person I'm waiting for lives in a small house on his family's new land an hour and a half north of me
So I think it might be awhile
Before he comes to dinner

when i look into this girl's eyes
i see a reflection of myself
she just wants to be happy
but some days she would rather not wake up
she thinks she causes the problems
that rip her family apart
and she just wants to be strong like her mother
the woman that is the rock she wishes she could be
she lets the words of others resonate in her head
and haunt her dreams
she thinks she's a *****
because she was 16 and let herself be intimidated into loving a cruel boy
and everyone told her she was wrong
i want to teach her that there is nothing wrong with sadness
but there is everything right about happiness
i want to teach her that she can find it all inside her very soul
and that she can always find a helping hand
because someone loves her
and someone will find her in the darkness
and help her to realize that the ability to go on
is embedded inside her chest
i want to show her that death is not fantastic and elaborate
but that life can be exactly as beautiful as we want it to be
if we can just light the spark

I miss holding your hand as you drive us across town
And rubbing your shoulders when you're stressed
And cuddling against your chest no matter what time of day it was
And basically everything about us
And I haven't even left yet

i'm too young
to know
to understand
a ******* thing
i'm just wandering blind
as if i might just run into a solution
i'm 19 years old, for ***** sake!
shouldn't i be to the point where i can reach a revelation about who i am?
should i not be past the point in which i spend countless nights crying
wishing that i could possibly slip out of this life unnoticed?
no,
here i am again
writing ****** poetry that i wish i could let someone read with my true name attached
no,
i'm stuck in a rut
stuck in a place where i will never change, never become more
although the entirety of my existence is wishing for that
every single cell inside this body is convulsing with the need to be something
more
than just me.

I think it's weird
Because I was going to marry him
And now I see him sitting in the backseat of my best friend's car
And he's smiling and he's happy
Which is all I ever wanted for him
I'm not sad or anything
I'm not even regretful
He and I could have never made it out alive
It's not that we're different
We're both too headstrong, too angry
Too much for one another
When he pushed me
I always pushed back with more force
No, I don't wish for a different outcome
Because I quite like my place as of now
And I think of all the things you and I have done together
And I don't miss him at all
But as I see his face in the backseat of the car pulling away from my house
I suppose I just wonder
What the future truly holds

Once upon a time
A boy said hello
And although I was stubborn
And would not have believed it then
It remains to this day
To be the best thing
That has ever happened to me