my skin feels warm as i think of you
gripping my hand as you drive across town
holding me and rubbing my back and telling me
"you're okay. it's fine. you're fine"
even though i hadn't said that i was upset
i think of your fingers one by one
marking an abstract path across my arm
and the fact that, even when i push you away
you are not daunted
you always remain
you are never far away
and as i prepare to move into this new life i have somehow tricked my way into
i know you will always be at my side
i think of the weekends you'll spend there with me
and that we'll fall asleep in each other's arms
and the summer we are about to embark on
cannot be anything but together
your return to catholic school cannot take you from me
my falling south cannot keep me from you
the cord will always stretch
but it will never break

Hearts don't beat out of chaos
And no one's heart beats alone
You are not fighting on your own
I know there are often days
in which you struggle to evacuate the covers
and you may feel lost and abandoned
But I will still be there.
This isn't one of those "when it's convenient for me" promises
because it is always convenient for me.
I will always adore you
and support you and fight for you
I am not one of your imitation friends
that do a complete 180 the moment you pass through the door
I am not one of the girls that haunt your heart
that could not see the magnificence inside its darkened recesses.
I would never see you as a bad person
because you are the sunshine that fills the sky today
and you are the reason I continue to wake up to see it.
You destroy any evidence of unhappiness inside of me
and replace it with pure light.
You are the most beautiful of melodies.
I know for a fact that I cannot do this without you
and maybe I'll end up a boring old housewife with two kids and an SUV crossover and no bestselling books
but you and I both know that future is not set in stone.
That suburban nightmare may come to pass and even if it does
I will still love you.
I will still adore you when the clouds take over the sunshine I cling to
and I will still treasure you when I can no longer see the sky.
You are not inherently evil
You are not a bad person.
You are mine. That's all you are.
And whenever I think of you I think of happiness and sunshine and warmth
and without that
I would be broken
I need your happiness to survive
so keep that wonderful smile on your face.

i am not passive
i do not fear the volume of my voice
i do not shake when i state my opinion
and i do not whimper when someone disagrees
i was not raised as a lady
but as a dragon
forged in fire and taught that
genius is ingrained inside the marrow of my bones
and there isn't a human alive that could take that from me
i do not sit back
and allow another to take from me
what is rightfully mine
i will fight with every fiber of my insides to remain whole and unbroken
i will not succumb and i will not falter
i am small
but i can move mountains

My heart
Is stitched together with your beautiful name
And for that
I'm so sorry

we dine like kings
without eating a thing
when there are those little monsters
that lurk on the back of every package
in the back of my mind
every moment
of every meal
every day
numbers that most people don't concern themselves with
figures that terrify me if they're greater than 300

i am an eighteen year old girl
i might not be a child but i am **** well still growing
i am maturing and i am developing
my brain is not complete yet and i still at times act as i did three years ago
i know that i need a good night's rest
healthy exercise
and enough protein, enough calories,
just enough in general to maintain this gluttonous body's structural integrity

some days i glance into the glass
and see a girl that i wouldn't mind to be
see, i know i'm funny, kind (at least sometimes), knowledgeable, intellectual, cunning, brave, loving
and i know that there are a handful of sadomasochists who love me for that
but i can't help but notice
the imperfections of my skin
the way i wouldn't mind if that boy saw me naked again
if i didn't have so much for him to see
and how i know that i can make myself less
if i lessen my intake

written on my mirror in marker is "fall in love

with yourself"

and it is advice


i'm not sure i can take

i'm starting to think
that our hands
simply belong together