woken by sultry rain
droplets big fat splots
upon my window pane
feeds the need
to feel your skins warmth
next to me
in nights dark pitch
knowing
at my fingers reach
you are here
closer, so near
not kept from me
by swirling vast seas
It hurts
pulling your pillow
in close
wrapping my body around it
whispering your name
is not the same
as feeling your breath
upon my skin
your touch
that I need so much
the rain falls
on and on
pushes me
through this barren night
til dawns light
breaks me apart
with it tears at my heart.

© J.C.

Underwater bells
lingering
echoes
carried in the swells
sunken sirens
sweetly sing
tempting hirens
underwater
bells ring
candles fire
flickering
burning down
to waxy
embered nub
thunder rumbles
lightning flashes
striking through
my dreamscape
kick up against
the undertow
hoping to wake
cool hands
he grips
my ankles
tight
pulling hard
fight the rip
he tries
thinks he might
keep me
here with him
where deep
underwater
bells ring
where
deathly angels
with
silken sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.

mornings scribble while the rain drizzles...

vulnerability
fragility
gracility
being strong all the time
day to day
month to month
year to year
feeds the need
to sometimes be
less
less than strong
less in control
feeds the need
to release the lead
let the bruise
become the soothe
yield to the bleed
release feeding
into deep peace

© J.C.

wrap me
in the warmth
of your sleeping body
let your love
be my blanket
make me a pillow
of kisses & caresses
soothe me
run your deft fingers
through my fallen tresses
let your heart beats
rythym
in sleep
feed
my own breaths
metre to keep

*  *  *  *  

love in stasis
your heart beats
in sleep
an ocean sways
my heart beats
stranded
10699 km away
so
love becomes
pain
a gnawing ache
in the pit of my belly
until
your whispered
breath
grazes my skin
as you utter
my name
in love
again
and
again

  *  *  *  *

I feel your love
with me always

craving to
exalt our love
with my body
on your body
belly to belly
lip to lip
fingers interlaced
into ecstasy
we slip
nourish me
with the fire
in your *****
let your passion
take me higher
and higher
every particle
of life
is pure pain
until
we are
together again
forever joined.

© J.C.

It's that time again
in the endless night
when shadows unfurl
and time unbends

it's that time once more
deep in the inky black well
where the empty side of my bed
chasmic yawn slams loves door

It's that time in the night
when the monsters come out
dream creeping and steeping
no escape try as I might

It's that time the witching hour
where my past is now present
old ghosts come to torment
each breath taken tastes sour

It's that time hands stop dead
moments freeze like sloe ice
shadows moving in the dark
haunting thoughts in my head

It's that time in this night
only one thing can make it right
not out of mind yet out of sight
your loving arms holding me tight.

© J.C.

Night bleeds out
through to daybreak
counting seconds
scouring each
shadows shake
waiting to hide
in sunshine bright
counting scar lines
trying to keep it tight
a slaughterhouse
of me you'd make
Valentine's kisses
blown from fists
your promises
bleak
feigned cautioned
so no blame
could be apportioned
echoes in my ears
my heart still beats
my blood still flows
a small mercy
but
we both
know
know
know
that's not the way
it was meant to
go
go
go
heart beating
skin warm
blood flows
still
after it all
my hands refuse to
shake
shake
shake
but
we both know
the cost
it did
take
take
take

2  3  1  5

exit alive
the eye line
high above
the skyline
remains
contains
my vaulted
broken heart
devestation overload
you tore it all apart
bruised ego
refused to let me
go
go
go
and so
bloodstains
on the carpet
tearstains
on the sheets
celluloid keepsakes
my heart
breaks
breaks
breaks
over
and over
again and
again
did it do it
for you
make you
feel victorious
complete
roll the film
take a seat
watch
see
love
smothered by deceit

© J.C.

when I'm sick
with physical malaise
and pain gives way
to anxiety in waves
of rising panic
you soothe me
with tender care
ease me through
to peaceful calm
tending
so I come to no harm
with you
I feel safe
for you to see me
stripped and bared
of my outer armour
fragile weak scared
returned to
a child-like state
needing reassurance
kindness
and 'there-theres'
to know that
someone cares
I feel it all with you
I feel cared for
nurtured
I feel you
I feel loved
deep and true.

J.C.

I'm more than one that thing you see
the expectation anticipation of me
these layers peel to infinity
it's as of us all, a myriad of me

take my hand altho it's small
I can lead you down to my waterfall
a special place not shown to many
'tis only gifted to those most ready

we will swim there as children
under nights lovely stars
laugh frolic and play this night
all time at hand to make it ours.

if you are tired, and beaten down
let me soothe your brow,
release your frown
give over to this night, in moonlight
drown

it is just this, then something new
the wonder of me, the myriad of you
I see your face so lovely and wise
you see my grace and kiss my eyes

life's torrents roar racing our past
hang on to me, we'll make it last
swim upstream into my eddied pool
in swirling foam gift me your jewel

two souls freed in this universe
galaxies collide in glory starbursts
under my waterfall where all is still
let aqua deep your dream cup fill.

J.C."Littlebird"  04/04/2019.

rips pulling strong undertow
your saline buoyancy flow
lulls me floating
while carrying me westward
blissed out eyes closed 
I do not know
how far I have drifted in your arms
now way past the breakers
charms turn to harms
eyes open tolling alarms
strong arms set to crawling
across not against recalling
training given in harsh water
to a once young earth daughter
lessons learned
merits earned
guide me home safe
tired but wired
remembering
the power
the strength
of the mighty Tangaroa
mother sea
soothe me
or take me
free me
or devour me
respect.

J.C.

do you see it over there
crouching in the corner
horns prone, teeth bared
don't take a breath
don't make a sound
maybe he will leave
if I don't turn around
unpealed screams
hidden deep down
push it push it push it
back down underground.

J.C.

the pull to you
in slumbering peace
sets my nerves
on fire
to be held by you
in loving embrace
sparks flames to
deepest desire
to kiss your lovely face
withhin your dreamscapes
infects my heart
with joys bright fire.

© J.C. 24/09/2019.

you are true beauty
to me
tiny glints
of amber fire
in your forest floor eyes
your generous
full lipped mouth
customised
for all my kisses
perfectly made
to kiss all of me
your errant eyebrows
misbehaving daily
their cheeky allure
endears my lips
to lovingly
chastise them
mostly
though
it is how
beauty radiates
from the way
you communicate love
it floors me
renders me trembled
at the knee
breathless
and flush cheeked
you are to me
golden warm light
exuding joy
when you speak to me
whispering my name
uttering words of love
and devotion
softly growled
against my mouth
my entire being
harmonizes
as one
with the vibration
of you.

© J.C.

there are
a few small pieces
of me with
edges quite sharp
not necessarily broken
just jagged and scarred
from things best
left unspoken
lest whispered close
in the dark
it's a cost
of stolen childhood
sweet innocence lost
not always understood
but can set one apart
precious pieces taken
with no asking
now shoulders
are a shaking
need a skill of masking
this sorrow deep
tears fall for years
as I
weep
weep
weep
a grieving
for the child
who at 12
stopped believing
the world is made of light
replaced instead
by cold terrors
in the dead of
each sleepless night
monsters are real
not just shadows
under the bed
they creep and they steal
forever more in your head
that which was taken
can never be renewed
trust all forsaken
the monster excited
his sick prize
he gleefully pursued
at first all smiles
and
'hey let's be friends'
as he dosed her soda
a sadistic means
to his wicked ends

monsters are real
not just under the bed
sometimes I wonder
will I ever
get him
out
of
my
head.

© J.C.

your wondrous love
flows over me
like warm honey
and molten lava
sweet & tender
with
loving devotion
hot & fired
with
burning urgent need
to feel both
so deeply loved
and
so fiercely desired
the marriage
of
tender true love
and  how
you burn like the sun
for my body
on your body
your body
in my body
saturates
every cell of my being
with love for you
fierce & unstoppable
as a raging storm
gentle & yielding
as a summer breeze
deep & overwhelming
as the Mariana trench
I am consumed
by the wild forest fires
of your love
willingly lost
in your forest floor eyes
every moment of my day
not with you
is spent aching
for your touch
to feel
your breath on my skin
your embrace
pulling me in close
no air between our skin
your kisses
raining on me
everywhere
my pulse thumps
and my heart
beats out your name
your love has
forever changed me
never again the same

© J.C.

Weird not wired
I drew so did you
Not dire how we do
All the weird
that weirdos do

one weird day an'
words I? (per) se
how we found
our weird way
weirdness abound

if you weird on me
I'd love to too
weird all over you
we did weird see
weird on weird lovely

wordie ******
swim don't sink
I think in pink
weirdos in sync
I could would do
****** love you!

J.C. honey-assassin 22/04/2019.

there is real beauty
in prismatic light
refracted
dew drops
touched by sunlight
On a perfect days dawn
there is real beauty
in ***** rain puddles
pooled
in city sidewalk gutters
an oily rainbow
streaks of colour
running the spectrum
causing a catch of breath
in my throat
caught and fraught
there is real beauty
in the fruit bats
immortalised and suspended
fried on the wire
of Sydney's city power lines
their final graceful swoop
caught and fraught
beautiful
he told me once
I'd never been
more beautiful
to him
salty cheeked
tear stains married with
a fine misted sweat
swollen eyed
flushed still
from our climactic
holy moments
the guttural heart pain
mixed with pure joy
caught and fraught
that last time
before
I had to cut you out of me
like a cancer
tearing me apart
with my own fingers
you killed me
on a daily basis
just to rip me back into life
every sunset and moonrise
resurrecting our love
pinning me to the board
while my wings
still fluttered madly
caught and fraught
smiling you watched on
feeding
the stumbling bumble bee
drops of your bourbon
as you drowned in it
as you drowned out of it
caught and fraught
there is real beauty
in the burning fuse
heartbeats racing
anticipating
the moment it all blows apart
I gather all the tiny pieces
of my poems you tore apart
angry
at the time
the time that they stole
from being with you
obsessed
possessed
black magic
flipping the switch
caught and fraught
I'm making a glue
from my tears
and my blood
you spilled
so I can rebuild myself
a papier mâché life...

but that's another poem
for another day

©J.C.

If love bids you to could you love me
If joy bates you would you en-joy me too
If hope ignite you will you share the spark
If calm greets you can you soothe me too

When light brights you can you see me lit
When song fills you plead gift a little bit
When happy your day send some my way
When kisses dust thee I plead kiss me play

Now you're seen I bid you gaze upon me
Now your heart soars lift me up to thee
Now sun graces you come warm up me
Now moondust shines do glisten over me

After you catch me bid you still chase me
After sleep befalls you please lullaby me
After lust ignites you I beg set me alight
After sated supine let me love you right

J.C. honey-tiger 06/05/2019.

Heidelberg
Heidelberg
Sing to me
Beautiful
Noisy
Rhythm
I hear
4 true colours
Sweet smell
Of
Ink.
Of
Oil.
Heidelberg
Heidelberg
I'm in love
With
You
Your pistons
Your wheels
Your
Smooth repetition
Sweetly
Engineered
Appeal abounds
I could
Happily be
Stuck
In a room
With just you
For days.

05/08/1995 J.C.

3am silence
sings to me
like a siren
on the stormy sea
it calls your name
carved out of
nights velvety ink
I reach for you
feeling my heart sink
as the night air
swallows my touch
without response
as silence screams
this pit deep want
interrupts my dreams
dry runs loves font
without you here
laying warm
against me dear
all is empty & cold
no joy of love
to thaw my heart
pain defined
is being apart.

© J.C.

my diurnal rhythms
the push
and the pull
of my tides
now ruled
by
the magnetic force
that is you
your love
felt deep
in the rising swell
of my desire for you
I am powerless
against
this gravitational pull
of wanting
of aching
of breathing
only for your touch
for your kiss
I can feel you
in every beat
of my heart
taste you
as the whet
on my tongue
feel
the vibration
that is you
as both sound and sensation
like a stretched string
quavering in perfect pitch
feel
my pounding heart
the buzz
running through my core
like a hummingbirds wings
in oscillatory motion
feel
every fibre of my being
awakened
every atom
in an excited state
your love both
the catalyst
that causes star bursts
behind my eyes
in a myriad
of beautiful hues
and
the soothe
the restorative
that lends a deep peace
to my soul
your kiss
your loving caress
the balm
that heals my heart.

© J.C.

From ******* sweet tips
and curve of hip
milky thighs and sighs
of feminine mystique

Its the inner sighs, smiles
and why's,
the mothers touch
that heals so much
the loving reach,
across the breech,
soothes woes of man
she is Woman.

© J.C.

even though
it is bitingly cold
outside
it is the heat
in my *****
that wakes me
the longing for you
outweighs any frost
the thrum of my pulse
drowns out the heavy rain
I crave to feel your warmth
close to me
burn for the touch
of your arms around me
reaching out for me
in slumber
as always
this ache
settles deep in the pit
of my belly
magnet pulling
to wherever
you are.

It's 3am again.

J.C.

you sweep in on scented night breeze
with utterings that bring you to my knees
intentions set here clear to please
her nature relents freely to your tease

this heady scent intoxicates thee
your affections now aggrandize me
her penners pen does panegyrize you
appetencies to lo sweet blown through

this dance transcends base hypnotic
sifts the filaments within unto ******
her delta grande radiating blue glow
your beacon signal guides to my flow


as our desire rises to bliss yet unknown
tides overwhelm us then drive us home
the breakers wild crash all around us
within calm eye our peace is found just.

J.C. 14/03/2019.

drunk again
the Bourbon sliding
down your throat
like a lovers kiss
out comes
the witty charm
banter up the *****
that's you
when drinking
not over thinking
or feeling like
you're sinking
but when you
get home
crawl into bed
and into my arms
knowing you're
safe from harms
the shell cracks
your softer side
showing
child like
knowing
I see you
yes I truly do
just me and you
the fear shows
as trust grows
it's how it goes
my s.q.p
lay with me
lost boy
of the morning
with rising sun
so your thirst
is dawning
the light
catches
you in fright
reflected
in the mirror
not a palatable
sight
so dawns
the time to drown
be again a cad
out about town
charmer
smooth as honey
dripping away
all our money
buying rounds
burning our love
to the ground
still
you keep
coming around
seeking
that familiar peace
reeking
of ketones
on your knees
begging my love
please baby please
to give you
the soothe & ease
you crave & need
but sugar
your absence
planted a seed
now I'm craving
to be freed
that sweet love
we did share
turned to chains
ownership
no care
I need so much more
than to be
your priestess
and your *****
a place to confess
while you
take off my dress
chain me to your hips
lies dripping
off your lovely lips
it's stripping
me bare
skin to the bone
I'm more
than something you own
so as love
turns to vapours
draw up
the divorce papers
you get
down & *****
now
its about
how to hurt me
your pains message
plain to see
is so I don't forget
you keep the key
never going to let
me
truly
be
free
Well
see....
me fly away
my lost boy of the morning
my s.q.p
see me
sad it's true
no longer
can i
give my love to you...
s.q.p.
you & me
sugar,
we're through...


J.C.

in the promise
of your kiss
mouths barely
touching
the lightest brush
of your generous lip
against mine
the warm dusting
of your breath
against my skin
tasting you
in my mouth
before you have
even touched me
I'm fully lit for you
thrills running
through
my wanting body
pulse thrumming
in my veins
my skin
on fire
craving
your touch
in those stolen moments
of almost touching
almost kissing
I feel your love
completely
it washes over me
pulls me
like the 7th wave
of an outgoing tide
at full moon
heavy undertow
dragging all logic
out with it
tossing me
tumbling me
caught
in the current
of my desire for you
I could be
shipwrecked
blissfully content
to be lost forever
your body
my deserted island
sometimes
all this love
all this passion
all this tenderness
all this heat
I have for you
overwhelms me
I lose time
just feeling
the intensity
of it all
find myself
breathless flushed
from
the mere thought of you
always
there is the pull
felt deep
in the pit of my belly
magnetised
and drawing my compass
to wherever you are.

© J.C.

when the light
is becoming obscured
by the black dots of panic
closing in
increasing
in number and volume
buzzing and fusing together
you pull me in
draw me back
peacefully
your voice, your love
guides the stillness in
the warm blanket
of your loving care
calmly
gifts me the pause needed
to find my centre again
to not feel alone
or isolated
it is a new thing for me
not dealing alone
feeling your love
and how you give it
the power it has
to soothe my fractured soul
turn the black dots of panic
into shimmering glints of light
golden and dusted opalescent
how is it
you can both thrill me
and instil such deep peace
at the same time?

J.C.

I was looking forward to our
rocking chair days
Suns rising and setting
On our front porch
It brought calm to my storming seas
Ironically, with you who tore
My soul apart
I felt the safest
I've ever known.
Til night you set my mind
to overdrive unable to
Override the real of it all
blood spilled from ****
on hotel sheets, fist mark's
under skin on thighs
belly
Bitten breast, perfect mold of teeth
left behind left breast
I wondered why
of all my wounds and tears
the teeth mark left did anger you most
as I lay in your arms, comfort seek
unaware then, twas at your command
my soul shattered & scattered upon
the wind
wondered too, why you wouldn't f*ck me well
heal me again
damaged goods I thought ok
I got it, understood
if only I'd known that you knew
exactly what occurred in suite 2315
had watched it even play by ill replay
maybe even slow mo, who can say
not I not me, my soul fragments fly around
my feet never again touching ground
no more Terra Firma for me
now I'm lost lost lost,
that peaceful calm you always
looked to me to bring
broken, tossed into the mire
along with two golden rings.

just like that
I felt it
the snap
the fall in my chest
dissolving inside again
the spell broken
as pain
floods back in
irrevocably scarred
by the monsters
cruel intentions
he follows me
still
lurking in the shadows
hiding in wait
inhabiting
deep dusty corners
of my mind

a self promise made

to
      never
                   ever
                               forget

the wolf
wears sheep's clothing
comes a hunting
with gleaming smile
sharpens his teeth
on the soft bones
of fair children
fills his belly
with a ragout
of broken dreams
and lost childhood
innocence


the hunters knife
sliced away
all my goodness
left fear
left mistrust
left pain
left emptiness
in goodness's place

could I be too broken
to ever be good again
when simple words
misspoken
sets parralel tracks
a moving together
in beautiful sync
on a collision course
becoming a train wreck
the track snaps
love at its neck

the spell is broken

and

I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember
why I have remained

                      
                           alone.


to love
to open up
to be vulnerable
to trust
to allow myself
to be loved
is it
too late?

my shattered pieces
have very sharp edges
such a good man
such a good heart
too good
to lacerate
vicariously injure
to hurt by proxy
too good

for me.

© J.C.

Memory's bell chimes
its knell pealing
back time
the tempo
of backward clocks
ticks following tocks
undoing
dusty mind locks
a voice long past
leaps the void vast
unbidden creeps
along my dreamscape
lingers haunts steeps
reminds me
there will be no escape
searching
for lights trapdoor
unfound
fetid breath my captor
persists
anchors me down bound
taste leaves moss
dirt fed fear in ground
breaking with silent loss
that which can never
be found.

© J.C.

Underwater bells ring
candles fire flickering
burning down
to waxen embered nub
thunder rumbles
as lightning strikes
flashes through
my dreamscape
kicking up through
the undertow
hoping to wake
his cool hands
pull on my ankles
trying to keep me
down with him
where deep underwater
bells ring
where deathly angels
with sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.

Once a lovers heart has
taken a few knocks
endured those
deep cardiac shocks
demurred
at chance advances
all in the wake of
the greatest heartbreak

it becomes and unbecomes
it depends on the unbend
the waver set in place
and we lose more
precious drops of time
rather than lose face
with it our grace
it's how goes I know

after your greatest love
is gone leaving all fallow
the idea or very thought
of love burning to nought
too much to bear once more
so we shut tight the door
consequence ourself
into situation is this...

now possibly on the shelf
for the long haul
expiry date unknown
seeking but not keeping
looking but not leaping
forsaking for fear of breaking
apart again that pain of all pain
deeply gnawed in our soul
took too much of a toll
to entertain in your heart again.

I get it I get it... But...
how then to reset it?
I want to feel brand new
un-know what I did do
un-feel the pain of you
believe in not one but two
I get it... I get it...
but cannot just forget

the devastation my heart met
when true love slipped the net
turned this heart to dust
eroded trust to rust
so now I know I must I must
be sure before I entrust
and go soft go gentle steady
only once this heart is ready.



J.C. 29/03/2019

Our last thread
is dead
closed for business
you too are gone
sending me back
to the time
midnight
beat back the clock
like grains of sloe ice
melting on hot skin
in cold air
where you ever there?
it's that time again
bleeding
and on the run
hard to lose
soft to bruise
when a sick belly
feeling for the *****
tied her desires to you
in truckloads
"the monster and me
are real good friends"
once again
all sunshine
ice cream,
big eyed dreams
not o'er here dear
more akin to
black knights,
hemlock &
screams
freshly pealed
for your sonic pleasure
take me home
to my father
let the river
wash me clean
so I may
emerge as a dove
this sentient wanderer
is in dire need
of some paternal love.

© J.C.

One loving fingertip
after one loving fingertip
softly and firmly
through touch
on my skin
you rip
through horrors
lived nightly
relived visions
unsightly
feeding back the light
with loving spoonfuls
of you
softened voice in my ear
tearing through
the fear
words dripped
off your tongue
pull me back
from when I was young
when the dark road tripped
peace rendered
unclipped
now tenderly tendered
fingers and lips
undoes the backward
slips
revealed a piece
of myself
until then hidden
on a deep dusted shelf
at the back of my mind
I thought no one would
find
historically
would cause me to run, flee
this exposure
of privately held me
ironically
with you
it's the opposite
I want to do
magnet pulls
inevitable
to you.

J.C. honey-owl 30/07/2019.

So Close, just There...

So close, just there
Nights inky blackness,
enfolds us in warm embrace..
sultry jasmine
drifts through windows
opened to the velvet summer sky
your body heat
my homing beacon
in the dead of night,
in our too big bed

Just there, I feel it, so close,
draws me into your stratosphere .. intoxicates my senses,
carrying me to you
locked into your orbit
The nape of your neck,
(I'm already done for)
my trigger.
Your essence
so close just there.
I feel my pulse,
thrum, thrum, thrumming
blood courses through my body
as I breathe you in
I am
            lost,
                         lost,
                                        lost.

Inevitably drawn
to your musky haven,
surrendering
We were I'm sure,
formed this way,
before we were born,
you the key to me the lock,
made to fit together,
perfectly.
like our bodies
had known each other
forever.

My loving lost boy of the morning,
the only one
who ever really saw me
really knew me..
I thought...
you were forever

So close..Just there...
Your scent,
my kryptonite
& my solace,
your strong arms
my safe harbour
only my embrace
could calm your storming seas,
the timbre of my voice
salve to your wounds
Alpha to Omega,
Yin to Yang
we were..

So many secrets shared then...
so many secrets still kept...
forever you will be
My lost boy of the morning
heart open, fists closed
but I saw you.
forgotten & denied,
all your
past,
          past,
                      past,
hurts
buried deep down

I still see you
in moments of every day,
at night
you come calling
in my dreams,
Sometimes...
tears stinging my cheeks awake,
heart bruising from memories
of a beauty we once shared,
an enveloping sense of grief,
lays heavy on my soul
and sleep is lost once more.
midnight beats back the clock
like grains of slow ice.,
'til dawn breaks again.

I miss the secret 'we'
the scent
at the nape of your neck
being so close...just there
a mere reach of my hand
to find you,
in the dark,
your slow calm breaths
bringing me back
from the night terrors,
the monsters of my distant past,
trying to force their way in...
from a life past
a life before you,
my panacea
saved me from myself

Our bed, your arms,
that musky firm embrace
our whispered secrets
in the dark,
kisses first
sweetly stolen,
then savoured deeply
my cheek pressed against
your chest
the
strong
slow
steady
beat of your heart
strong fingers threaded
softly through my hair,
one powerful hand resting
in the curve of my waist,
fingertips tracing
invisible patterns on my belly.
I could have stayed that way
forever,
curled up against you,
safe from the world.
I thought.

Safe no more
Love no more
Trust no more
Still...

I miss it.
I miss it.
I miss you.
I miss the 'we' that once we were
I miss the deep love
'we' once shared
I miss...
My loving lost boy of the morning
at sleepy fingertips reach.
So close, just there...

J.C. 01/04/2010.

Then

it was most
elusuve a chimera,
hidden and veiled
a reluctant host
by machine enigma
loves suggestive ghost

Now

your anima blended
with my feminine psyche
masculinity lended
a pairing possibly unlikely
delta apex merging
waters of life surging
unity of life how it frees
and what love gives
whilst on her knees
harmonic blends
flowers stretch then bend
soft dappled morning
when night into day
sleepily yawning
draws me in near
pulling me
into your stratosphere
breath on my shoulder
awakens my desire
encourages you bolder
ignites our fire
here in this moment
all sadness forgotten
you now loves proponent
loves filaments spun
like silken cotton
sheets over us and undone
prismatic lights dance
behind my eyes
as you blend and unbend
my lovers sighs.


J.C. baby-owl 01/08/2019.

I remember the days
of our spotless youth
perfect bodies
yet to be touched
by bearing
our children
or weathering
your fists
back when love
was still
tender sweet fruit on the vine
you lived to lay your head
upon my breast
post ******
you christened them
'the heavens'
how you offered up
prayers of adoration
with such sweet tenderness
made me believe
we would last forever

I remember the days
of our arcadian youth
you stole stars light
from moonless nights
sprinkled it my eyes
and between my thighs
you were
such an adept mountebank
playing fast and loose
with the truth
and my heart
set me up
for the greatest fall
of all

I saw a photo of you
the other day
and
finally
felt nothing.

© J.C.

without
these walls
red fired dawn
burns into
shimmered lucent light
dancing brightly
against a
slow warming horizon
within
these walls
windows opened wide
Tuis morning song
and warm bright light
spilling into the room
I ache on
stretching my limbs
as if doing so
will find you
beside me
pressing your belly
(how I love your belly)
against mine as I stretch
your hands
(how I love your hands)
holding me
at my waist
your generous mouth
(how I love your mouth)
dusting my face
with kisses
and whispered growls
of love & tenderness
I keep my eyes closed
knowing
the moment I open them
the spell will break
within these walls
I stretch
in the hot summer morning
alone
without these walls
you are too far
from my touch
from my kiss
sultry droning cicadas
Mr Tuis ardent
morning serenade to Mrs Tui
the rising heat
serves only to feed this ache
settled deep in my belly
the pull in my ***** to
wherever you are
palpable

© J.C.

Of bitten lips tears do fall
the sweet & salty sting of it all
the days stuck in my mind
of you of me of we the bind
of true love crept up from
behind the misty veiled eyes
took my heart by sweet surprise

the moment settled among
the stars, you took me there
on daily jaunts, from hot
summer days to  life on Mars
as winter set Sol on the run
soon sealed our love by frosted sun

memory flood gates will unbidden open
forgetting how dire my dear heart broken
fragmented shards shining through
their shimmer masks the pain of you

it's time to lay with you again
if only by my writers pen
the day we broke our bed to pieces
(f*cked it to death may it rest in peace)
unaware wrecked til shudders did cease
then laughed and rolled around like kids

so many many times like these
we slept on the floor then for a week
you bid me "a worthy replacement seek"
was your instruction whispered in my ear
as you pulled me close your intention clear

all of these days now frozen in time
just shadow boxing in my mind
it's done once more, as it was then
older beginnings meet newer ends

J.C. 17/03/2019.

silent kindnesses given
without want of praise
smiles of warmth
caught
on the peripheral
without expectation
or needy of return
compassion
an empathetic heart
can soothe
ones deepest woes.

© J.C.

I am not my house
though my efforts
my love
made it a home
my children are not
a reflection or extension of me
yet I am their mother
and with love I have tried
to guide them
gently
I am not my possessions
my career
nor my successes
yet they reflect
an intrinsic part
of my nature
I am not defined
by the loves I have known
but I strive to live my life
with love
with kindness
with gentle care
I am not natures beauty
I see all around me
but a small piece of her
lives inside me
I am not the hurt child
or the abhorrent things
that stole my childhood
yet through that pain and loss
I learnt the meaning
of strength
of resilience
of letting go
letting go
of hurt ego
I am not what is seen
through my lovers eyes
nor what he feels
through his touch
though he teaches me
that I am worthy of love
I am not a wife(success?)
I am not a divorcée (failure?)
I am not the broken bones
at my husbands hands
or the wires in my jaw
to put it back together
Or defined by two gold bands
I am not an orphan
though I have no parents
I am my own mother
I am my own daughter
I am my own sister
I am not all the wonderful
people I am lucky to have met
yet
they all gave to me
a part of themselves
to carry with me forever

I am not the words that I write
the images I capture
In the open/close
of the aperture.

I am not
the love I have known
the pain I have endured
the horrors I survived
the billions of laughs I have had
the rivers of tears I have wept
the endless hours I have slept
the endless hours I have chased sleep
or the dreams I have dreamt
not the sheer joy I have felt
or the deep grief for lost loved ones
I am a conglomerate
of all of my experiences in life
good bad happy sad
I am not static
I an fluid
I am changing
with each new
transformative experience
I am a work in progress

J.C. honey-tiger 28/07/2019