silent kindnesses given
without want of praise
smiles of warmth
caught
on the peripheral
without expectation
or needy of return
compassion
an empathetic heart
can soothe
ones deepest woes.

© J.C.

some days
I feel like I've
lived
a thousand
life times
run
a thousand
marathons
back to back
not slumbered
deeply
for 1000 years

some days
I feel like
I get younger
with each breath
walking
on air
butterflies
in swarm
the sun
setting over the ocean
fill me
with wide eyed wonder
as if seen
for the first time

every day
spent
in the embrace
of your love
fills me
with joy anew
the stars
all burn brighter
you are
warm sun rays
upon my face
my heart soars
weightless
pure with
lightness of being
the one you love.

© J.C.

wanting more sleep
trying to drift back
the sound of your moans
replaying in my mind
******* with you
lazy Saturday morning
softly waking moments
spent in bed
spent with you
spent and sated
love expressed
with our bodies
craving to rub my ***
on your mouth
coat your tongue
with my earthy seawash
of love
lovingly lick
every pearly glistening
droplet of your essence
wanting you to break my fast
needing every delicious moment
to last
forever
fat rain drops
splat and splot
against the window
blurring the glass
our morning love
savoured deep and slow
wanting to make it last
forever.

J.C.

voices.

our bodies
once their
quintessential best
thought indefectible
the flourish
of faultless skin
now faintly etched
into the map
of our experiences
we change
shapeshift
rearrange
relax into our form
less perfect
more confident ease
than tempestuous storm

the human voice
though
stays forever
the same

7 years
silence broken
you were 22
again
at first word
spoken
tricked
into hearing you
using pet names
you'd long ago lost
the right to utter
speaking easy
as if none of it happened
still with your
smooth charm
like butter
that silken voice
abstracting my choice
once more

did you
(conveniently)
forget the
slaughter house
you made of our love
left it bleeding out
a good kick and a shove
in the gutter

you pour it on thick
like molasses
oozing
off your tongue
"remember em's?"
"when we were young...
....and in love?"
remember...
"my alpha & my omega
nose & toes
under cover lovers.."

My jaw still clicks
at times
when I'm tense
(like now)
a souvenir
click click click...
as your jaw *****
that
you miss me
that
we should
'get together'...
....'for old times sake'
did you forget
I'm filled with regret
or just miss
some of my bones
to break?

Sunday  morning
+
one bourbon too many
+
a sentimental lament
your bent
=
a return to nervousness
night terrors
& cold panic
for me.

Your voice
just as it was
unchanged
by time
you say so
is mine
forgetting
loves fruit
rotted on the vine
the pull of
your ocean eyes
scented nape
of your neck
the warmth
your body lent
to mine
not enough
to untangle the tendrils
or merge again
the unentwined
good try
but the point now
forever moot
head fuckery
at its best
always was
your strong suit

© J.C.

come to me
in whispers and kisses
consume me
with trembled breaths of love
call for me
urgent & tender moan my name
****** me
utter up all your ardent wishes
envelop me
let our love be the flame
burn for me
be open love & set desire free
ravish me
my salty sweet be your most delicious
surrender with me
willfully
to  love given bent on gentle knee

© J.C.

Of bitten lips tears do fall
the sweet & salty sting of it all
the days stuck in my mind
of you of me of we the bind
of true love crept up from
behind the misty veiled eyes
took my heart by sweet surprise

the moment settled among
the stars, you took me there
on daily jaunts, from hot
summer days to  life on Mars
as winter set Sol on the run
soon sealed our love by frosted sun

memory flood gates will unbidden open
forgetting how dire my dear heart broken
fragmented shards shining through
their shimmer masks the pain of you

it's time to lay with you again
if only by my writers pen
the day we broke our bed to pieces
(f*cked it to death may it rest in peace)
unaware wrecked til shudders did cease
then laughed and rolled around like kids

so many many times like these
we slept on the floor then for a week
you bid me "a worthy replacement seek"
was your instruction whispered in my ear
as you pulled me close your intention clear

all of these days now frozen in time
just shadow boxing in my mind
it's done once more, as it was then
older beginnings meet newer ends

J.C. 17/03/2019.

honeyed kisses
you buzz around my heart
full lipped & delicious
I knew it was you
my forever one, from the start

(honey bee my valentine)

honey honey your nectar is so sweet
honey you're my favourite thing to eat
honey love how I squirm in my seat
honey bees love makes me complete


the honeyest kissiest of them all
for your sweetest love I did fall
our fit is perfect like hand in glove
kissiest honeyest blissfully in love

(I love you my honey-bee, silly valentine rhymes to you from me, now and forever your baby-baby)

J.C.

I want to reveal
my underbelly
to you
that soft warm
sweet spot
I want to expose
all of my
vulnerable places
to you
trust you'll
not slide the blade in
twist it at the hilt
tearing the silk at its seams
set my world to tilt
I want to get lost
in your forest floor eyes
be mesmerised
by flecks of amber fire
press my belly against
your belly warm
feed the desire deep
so ferociously sweet
like a raging tropical storm
surrender control
give over to it let go
lose myself with you
in the tumble and roll
lean into your swell
not needing to know
where the compass is drawn
float on a current of love
through inked velvet night
to warm golden dawn
I want to flood my senses
with the taste of your essence
imprint my skin with your scent
set you apart
my diurnal rhythms tuned
to the beat of your heart
journey your body
with my lips
my tongue
my body and fingertips
map you with kisses
chart your territories
with caresses
stroke your skin
with my loosened
fallen tresses
shipwreck myself
on the island of your bones
lay my head upon your chest
feel your metronomic pulse
the soothe & rest
of your breath on my brow
breathe you in
as my air
rain kisses on you
everywhere
until my lips bruise
and smart
all pain
ceased to exist
the moment
you gave me
your love
and stole my heart.


© J.C.

I am not my house
though my efforts
my love
made it a home
my children are not
a reflection or extension of me
yet I am their mother
and with love I have tried
to guide them
gently
I am not my possessions
my career
nor my successes
yet they reflect
an intrinsic part
of my nature
I am not defined
by the loves I have known
but I strive to live my life
with love
with kindness
with gentle care
I am not natures beauty
I see all around me
but a small piece of her
lives inside me
I am not the hurt child
or the abhorrent things
that stole my childhood
yet through that pain and loss
I learnt the meaning
of strength
of resilience
of letting go
letting go
of hurt ego
I am not what is seen
through my lovers eyes
nor what he feels
through his touch
though he teaches me
that I am worthy of love
I am not a wife(success?)
I am not a divorcée (failure?)
I am not the broken bones
at my husbands hands
or the wires in my jaw
to put it back together
Or defined by two gold bands
I am not an orphan
though I have no parents
I am my own mother
I am my own daughter
I am my own sister
I am not all the wonderful
people I am lucky to have met
yet
they all gave to me
a part of themselves
to carry with me forever

I am not the words that I write
the images I capture
In the open/close
of the aperture.

I am not
the love I have known
the pain I have endured
the horrors I survived
the billions of laughs I have had
the rivers of tears I have wept
the endless hours I have slept
the endless hours I have chased sleep
or the dreams I have dreamt
not the sheer joy I have felt
or the deep grief for lost loved ones
I am a conglomerate
of all of my experiences in life
good bad happy sad
I am not static
I an fluid
I am changing
with each new
transformative experience
I am a work in progress

J.C. honey-tiger 28/07/2019

The kaleidoscopic
reel to reel show
of life
how it played
in contrast
to how you filmed it
or imagined
it would unreel
our hopes
dreams
wishes
reflected upon
whilst washing the dishes
the great divide
yawns chasm like
where we are
to where we believed
we would be
that niggling unrest
just one more
life test
the beauty is found
in the revelation
possibilities
still abound
gravity
is all that keeps us
anchored to ground

J.C

Transformed
through light
gifted in darkest night
elevated
by love
given by a heart
dusted with
diaphonous
sparkled light
saturated
crystaliine fed
on glistened skin
elemental joy
the end of despair
the beginning of
lightness of air
and all that it means
to be with you.

J.C. baby-owl 01/08/2019.

numbers tumbling
in all their colours
is that why
4 is always green?
is it just me
the sky cascading
into the water
in 0s and 1s
grass flowing
like a river
in the blown wind
and the bell birds song
trilling in
numeric harmonies
even the heat haze
rising digitally
from the hot
and melting tarseal
as I run on
through the days heat
numbers springing
from my feet
the footfalls
making equations...
sometimes
I dare not look
up at the night sky
it's too much
a sensory overload
glitched
numbers tumbling
from the sky as light
toss and tumble
turn and burn
mind a rumble
striving
to work it all out
endlessly
they cascade
all about
numbers
dancing in light...

© J.C.

how do I love you
how can i not
in self isolation
with an ocean
of emotions
washing between us
I still feel you
lying next to me
warm skin
pressed against
warm skin
even
warmer hearts
communicating love
together singing
nothing lost
in the millions
of cresting waves
feeding
the undertow
your love
and how you express it
a constant pull
from the pit of my belly
to wherever you are
how do I love you
how can I not
oceans of emotion
flowing between us
I feel you as
every double beat
of my heart
sounds out your name
wild seas
storm the horizon
awash with love
that refuses to be tamed

© J.C.

in the monsters mouth
hairpin trigger prised apart
breathe in his breath out
waiting game monster tick tock
daring you to steal his nerve

J.C. 24/09/2019

You did not beat me
you did not abuse me
you did not ****** me
you did not see me
you did not talk to me
you did not need me
you did not love me
you did not hug me
you did not want me
until you needed me
to change your **** bag,
until you needed me to
feed you nasogastrically
until you needed me
to push the morphine
until you needed me
a kid at 13
to minister to you
tell you not to be afraid to die
that it was going to be alright
that you were not alone
until you needed to confess
to me the sins of the father
until it was just me and you
mother brother spinning off
to the edge of the world
not coping not dealing
like I could do.
until you needed me to soothe
you like you never soothed me
offer you comfort like you
never did comfort me
until you needed me to see you
like you were blind to me
even though
I was right in front of you
all my life in your life
until you needed to tell me,
"I love you daughter",
not for me but for you
until you needed me to tell you,
"I forgive you dad " (and I do)
to absolve you
until you needed me to see you die
then you were gone
and for me
nothing new
situation
remains
the same
unchanged.

©J.C.

"sobs are not prayers"
the burial place & final home
of my father's ashes
is an endless tundra
of dotted dashes
a plague of plaques
and headstones
I wonder
at the volume of tears shed
watering both weeds
and plastic roses equally
their gaudy colours
once bright now faded
like the bones and ashes
of the once was person
whose grave they mark
loved ones lie deep
feeding the dug ground
along side the worms
and slaters alike
all washed by the same
salted river of stolen tomorrows.

J.C.

(many thanks to my friend & gifted scribe, "Liliths ghost" for the title and 1st line, and also the inspiration ).

lay with me naked
in the warm afternoon
droplets of sunshine
dancing on our skin
let's build a secret fort
christen it as
our temple of love
a place just for us
and maybe the cat(s),
sometimes
if they are good
no clothes allowed
and no talk of
serious things permitted
there will be penalties
and punishments
for transgressions
you can be in charge
of structural soundness
leave the comfort
to me
explore my body
with your hands
your mouth
your ***
I want you
to know every inch of me
thoroughly
just as I want to know you
I'm already in love
with the endearing freckle
on the shaft
of your ****
when I think of it
I'm overcome
with  tender affection
and the desire
to kiss it
feel the deep love
I have for you
in my  kisses
in my caresses
let my body communicate
all the love
all the love
all the love
I have for you...
sometimes,
love me gently
sometimes,
take me
with passionate intensity
but always
with love

you are
the light in my day
and the shine
of my stars at night
I will arch my body
over you
stars falling from my hair
to grace your skin
as I take you inside me
and make us as one
you are
all the love
I've forever needed
the unknown missing piece
of my enigma puzzle
when you moan my name
in our tenderest moments
my entire being
buzzes, filled
with golden light
and I feel as though
my heart will burst
into a trillion particles
of glistening joy

there can be no other
every breath I breathe
I breathe for you

© J.C.