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139 · Dec 2019
my eternal flame
Jayne E Dec 2019
Your love is the soothe
the succour
the spark and hot flame
the embers
ever smouldering
at the core of my being
when lovingly you
moan my name
a growled whisper
at the peak of our passion
I feel every ounce
of your love for me
as we fall
into perfect sync
our bodies
our hearts
align
and nothing exists
outside of our fused heat
it is more
so much deeper
than physical release...
In those moments
I have all I could ever need
you become my air
my nourishment
my shelter
and my bones
my skin
my pounding heart
become
your bones
your fevered skin
your pounding heart
with you
inside me
beside me
our skin pressed close
the universe dissolves
and evolves
as you growl my name
so lovingly in ******
time stops
you pull me in
and I let go
in ecstacy
in joy
in love
I have never felt more loved
more beautiful
more right in my skin
than when you growl my name
tell me that you love me
rain kisses on my face
as i shudder and tremble
in your loves embrace
colours bursting
exploding stars
behind my eyes...
you are the soothe
the succour
the spark
in my heart
the eternal burning flame
when you lovingly
utter my name...

J.C. 14/12/2019, @ 3.33pm
love, connection, tenderness, passion, ***, ****** synthesia, bliss, joy, love of my life.
139 · Oct 2024
noctambulation
Jayne E Oct 2024
I no longer walk in my sleep
like I did as a child
traversing dreamscapes
unknown and wild
lost in the wakeful world
outside my childs bed
walking in slumber
alone in my head
now sleep plays elusive
it slips the knot
as the witching hour calls
bides, forget me not
til dawns first light chases
the shadows into light
and the dark now defeated
I can surrender the fight
take me back in time please
to my childhood bed
before the night monsters
leased dreamspace in my head.

© J. C.
139 · May 2019
Adrift.
Jayne E May 2019
Adrift, floating on this sea
Solitary, darkest night encircles me.
Unable to see, I feel the
Pea soup fog enveloping me
Craving land, seeking light
Or deeply sought dual toned
diaphonic night-call,
to guide me home.

J.C. honey-assasin 29/05/2019
137 · May 2019
Pater absentia
Jayne E May 2019
You did not beat me
you did not abuse me
you did not ****** me
you did not see me
you did not talk to me
you did not need me
you did not love me
until you needed me to change
your **** bag,
until you needed me to
feed you naso-gastrically
until you needed me
to push the morphine
until you needed me a kid
at 13, to minister to you
tell you not to be afraid to die
that it was going to be alright.
until you needed to confess
to me, the sins of the father
until it was just me and you
mother brother spinning off
to the edge of the world
not coping not dealing
like I could do.
until you needed me to soothe
you like you never soothed me
offer you comfort like you
never did comfort me
until you needed me to see you
like you were blind to me
even tho I was right in front of you
all my life in your life
until you needed to tell me,
"I love you daughter", not for me
but for you.
until you needed me to tell you,
"I forgive you dad " and I do.
until you needed me to see you die
then you were gone, and for me
nothing new, situation remains
the same
unchanged.

J.C. mid 1987... Written at age 15.
Posted a couple of historical poems, this one written at 15.
137 · Sep 2019
Love haikus
Jayne E Sep 2019
Stars fall from my hair
Arched my body is Nuit
stardust brushed  your skin

~~~~~~

Catch my falling stars
As kisses upon your skin
Be earth to my sky

~~~~~~

J.C. undated...
135 · Oct 2020
antony.
Jayne E Oct 2020
I thought about you
today
after many
introuvable years
you sifted back
dropping down
like dew
from the aethers
your scent
circumferent
once more
I thought about
when we first met
a day party
in eden
how I sensed you
before I saw you
how you felt me
before you found me
hiding
in the light
& once again
we became
satellites
orbiting
a 1000 year old
love

in your eyes
I see my eyes
reflected
my spirit flies
through aeons
flying
in and out
of love
with you forever.

©J.C.
135 · May 2019
Sunday
Jayne E May 2019
Red dragon
Black sea

White chip
Crested Tui

Blue Stilton
Green tea

(That was Sunday afternoon for me)

J.C. 23/05/2019.
135 · May 2019
Astral dreaming
Jayne E May 2019
Tripping the light fantastic
along the astral plane
all time runs concurrent
a secret most arcane.
The me that is now, that was then
that will tomorrow be too
all exist in their own space
running parallel in time.

As I dance through the Aether
searching for the light
astral plane dreaming
in the dead of the night.

Catch a glimpse of each me
they say that's deja vu
but have you never wondered
how it can be that you already knew
how it all plays out before you
moments before it occurs
"Already seen" say the French
closed minds may call it,
neurology, a curse.

But I know a secret,
a secret verily arcane
I've seen the world's spin in unison
whilst I tripped the light fantastic
along the Astral plane
all time moving concurrently
all versions spinning precisely
at once
the then, the now & future me
separate yet together
such a beautiful dance.

Come traverse the aether with me
take a leap, take a chance
I will show you the past & the future
all existing in the now
brush off your preconceptions
take my hand, I'll lead the way
but remember before we take flight
keep hold of an anchor
to ground you to this world
we can only visit briefly for
a moment in the night
upset the fragile balance and
all worlds will collide.

J.C. honey-tiger 11/11/2018.
134 · Jun 2020
hauntings
Jayne E Jun 2020
you are back
returned
to haunting me
stalking my dreams
you and the other
monsters
all ghosts seem
to return at once
I can taste you
feel you
wanting another
pound of flesh
for your larder
hedonistic as ever
too much
was never enough
for you
panic rises
black dots fusing
as always
obscuring light
******* the oxygen
out of my room
the air replaced
with your scent
each inward breath
suffocates me further
tick tock tick tock
slowing down the clock
dragging out nights shadows
I left you long ago
why can't you
just let me go.

© J.C.
134 · Jun 2019
Night breezes
Jayne E Jun 2019
you sweep in on scented night breeze
with utterings that bring you to my knees
intentions set here clear to please
her nature relents freely to your tease

this heady scent intoxicates thee
your affections now aggrandize me
this penners pen will panegyrize you
appetencies too sweet be blown through

this dance transcends base hypnotic
sifts the filaments within unto ******
her delta grande radiates blue a' glow
your beacon signal guides to my flow

as our desire rises to bliss yet unknown
tides overwhelm us then drive us home
the breakers wild crash break all around us
within calm eye our peace is found just.

J.C. honey-tiger 15/05/2019.
133 · Nov 2019
twin flames
Jayne E Nov 2019
you complete me
the missing piece
of the enigma puzzle
found
without realisation
it was ever lost
or even existed
this thing
we have found
with each other
this rare
beautiful
love
radiates
happiness
compassion
joy
inclusivene­ss
kindness
drenched
and ignited
by love
we are
twin flames
burning now
as one.

J.C. 11/11/2019 @11.11am
133 · Sep 2019
contradictions
Jayne E Sep 2019
dreamscape gliding
just above tundra
sliding over
whilst slipping under
crack in the surface
falling down
arms flail upwards
fight the drown
desert plains edged
by melting mountains
gravel mouth parched
amid rich fountains
walking the line
with no clear direction
mind's eye open
yet no thought detection
a new age dawns
as old world's crumble
dreams tied in sheets
walls crack & tumble
a confusing mess
with varifocal focus
running lost & blind
to find pinpoint locus
it's a contradiction
and a firm position
another nights dream
feeding supposition

© J.C. 10/09/2019.
132 · Dec 2019
night winds
Jayne E Dec 2019
curtains billow and sag
the summer night wind
lends no relief
to my toss and turn
it just blows more thoughts
of you
around my unsleeping mind
dusts the empty side of the bed
with longing
I can feel you
inside me
I feel it the pain
the ache & the want
coming off you
in waves
it feeds my own pining
the hot night wind
lends no relief.

J.C. 02/12/2019 3.33am
132 · Apr 2019
You waited too long...
Jayne E Apr 2019
You waited too long
its light dimmed from
brightest star in our night skies
to falling star burning too bright
right before it dies

You waited too long
the breath i held for only you
ran out of oxygen
burned out in a vaccum then
withered away to cold blue

You waited too long
the spell is now broken apart
yet manacled fetttered strong
your soul to my beaten heart
quiet lingers not for long

You waited too long
my colours ache to seek the free
all these tergiverstates a mess
as you flicker quiver wink blink me
come again behold me undress

You waited too long
my fired passion fades to grey
your velleity extinguished potent fire
our love with no locus left for play
embered draff detritus of our desire

You waited to long
so its dried wither on the vine
finds me persuasible no more
faltered failed to make you mine
I feign sublime and close our door.

J.C. "littlebird"  18/03/2019
132 · May 2020
organic machine
Jayne E May 2020
organic machine

of natures engineers
webs touched
by solar gleams
organic artwork
we see
structual intricacy
illuminated
dancing light fed
suns firstbeams
hitting morning dew
droplets catch colours
as prismatic mimicry
feigns fragile delicacy
underneath dancing light
steely strength persists
pretty deathtrap
shining bright

diptera
culicidae
muscidae
calliphoridae
Et al insectas

all escape
organic machine
visibility overload
until hot sun
shrouds anew

© J.C.
Jayne E May 2019
Its true its you my honey honey bee
how could there be another for me
you have my heart to never be apart
my honey honey bee so let us start

to never end this true love connect
took me by surprise not to deflect
as you opened up my heart flower
gave me shelter under loves bower

the wonder of you and all the bliss
carried on your words by your kiss
still blows my mind in every way
nothing now for us but sunny days

with honey dripping from your lips
and love coating your fingertips
carresses push me past the breech
to heights of ecstacy never reached

I cannot live life without you now
nor imagine just in any way how
its possible for me just to exist
without your daily love driven kiss

So take me honey-bee I am yours
you're my star bright guided course
by the light of moon bright and full
I'm helpless to resist magnetic pull

Nor would I want to fight such joy
or resist such bliss my honey boy
in your eyes I see my entire future
you're ardor our loves embouchure

J.C. "honey-tiger" 12/05/219
130 · Apr 2019
Wordplay
Jayne E Apr 2019
If you can't take it, then I'll take it,  I'm taking it all back
When my back is against the wall, if you can't back me, then I'm backing out to outback once and for all
if you try to out me, then I'll outfox you, fox hole you, dig yourself out, this fox is out, no close call at all.
Go ahead, I dare you, try head me off at the pass, double dare me, can't scare me, "off with their heads!" is the decry.
Denounce me deplore me, regail and rail me
Execrate excoriate me, disparage deprecate me.
Besmirch and bemoan me,
Sully, stain, soil and spoil me
It's all just 'noise' to me in the end
Of no consequence.
Jayne E Apr 2019
He unnecessary **** me
none involuntary thrill me
no more

she intentionally milled him
aft her blood he spilled him
no more

he clitorally kiss activate me
she delta ******* radiate him
no more.

he be gracious her calefactor
she his Arctic heat retractor
no more

they astral starlight terpsichoreans
they dual heliac scopophiliacs
no more

he she once connubial consociation
she he whilom beauteous collaboration
no more.

J.C. "littlebird"  20/03/2019.
129 · Sep 2019
Excerpts #6
Jayne E Sep 2019
Ok, a few in a row here, only my 'side' of the conversation as not my place to post another's lines....

Excerpts #6

*

The mere thought of your sweet kiss
your lips on mine brings sheer bliss
your arms around me in warm embrace
my hands either side of your lovely face
these thoughts alone do strange things
make my heart and my ***** ache and sing
I burn for your body in mine
I ache to be by your side
I need you like air to live
I want to give give give
All of my love to you
I'm ruined for any other
It's true.

*

Oh me oh my oh ohh la la
you make me blush and flush
my cheeks hot and secret places lush
are more than ready for that shove that push
you take my mind to very naughty places
and with it my heart pounds
and pulse races
my lavender garden is all for you
it's secret flowers all want to
open up and embrace you in
a luscious pool of lovely sin
my heat desires yours too
take me my darling do.

**

I could write non stop for days
about loving you and all the ways
you are so good and right for me
you set my heart, body, mind free
It is me who got the lucky catch
agreed we are a perfect match
I could not wish for any other
more in tune with me than you
my lover
I want to be with you all my days
never tire of showing you all the ways
that I love you deep and so true
my darling M it is in all ways all for you.**

*

It is true I do
I love you too
I love you deep
I love you true
I love you as much
as you love me too
I love your name
rolling off my lips
I love the same
the way you say
my name
ardent off your tongue
I love your nature
your essence, you
I love the kind things
you often do
I love your mind
and how it works
always striving for more
it never shirks
It's true my darling M
I'm in deep for you
I promise to always
love you true...
Jxxxxx

**

I'd like to share your shower
Wash you all over
scrub your back
let you feel my loves power
show you with actions
this love of ours is no hack
my love for you knows no factions

it is complete grown strong
from initial mutual attraction
open respectful communication
blossomed freely into adoration
now only to you my heart belongs
your words so sweet always true
move me deeply and never wrong
there can never any other for me than you

Yes I have known love once or twice
but never one so deep and real
replete with deeply felt feels
It is so much more than simply 'nice'
tender with open communication

it was inevitable my heart you'd steal
plus my desire for lots of fornication
emotional deep mind connection too
All my love and ALL my kisses
my everything it is all for you...
More love in motion poem/chats...
129 · Sep 2019
ghosts.
Jayne E Sep 2019
hauntings & how they roll
ghosts how they
collect the toll
once in place
inhabiting space
in the padlocked
and dusty corners
of packed away tight
out of time mourners
the mines of the mind
hide ghosts
shadowed and shaded
packed away
filed under hurt and jaded
upgraded for new joys
but not forgotten
as is ghosts ploys
to appear after their
day is done
has you thinking
you've finally won
then as quick
as a whip
with head fuckery
time does slip
back
back
back
to undead days
when non-ghosts
smiles sneers smack
long hours spent at play
in a finger snap
a branch crack
a drop of pain
the aperture opens
once more
and with it
the pasts door
flung open wide
and bare
daring you to dare
look that ghost in the face
boldly refute
its cold embrace
remember
remember
remember
the pain in truckloads
your heart charred
blackened ember
turn away
from the memory
walk away
from the feeling
stop your broken self
from reeling
a ghost
is just
a ghost
apparition
at most
one thing just
leads to another
another's pain
feeds the rediscover
transports you
back
back
back
time line shifts
then cracks
temporary possession
by pasts ghosts
procession...
let it go
let it go
let it go....

J.C. 12/09/2019.
128 · Nov 2019
non thoughts
Jayne E Nov 2019
my thoughts have become
non thoughts
since you won my heart
no more
do any thoughts exist
of being touched
by anyone but you
no more
can I even summon
the filamental thread
of imagining another's
lips on my lips
your hands only
now exist
to caress my skin
pull me into
your loving embrace
stroke my cheek
and thread your fingers
through mine
in lovers repose.

J.C. 30/11/2019. 4.44pm
128 · May 2019
Waiting...
Jayne E May 2019
The waiting begins again
until you are here with me
getting closer to the end
Until it comes I'm left to yearn
each fibre of my body left in
suspended animation
to burn burn burn

all of this my pent up desire
halted at once but still on fire
panted breath all quieted for now
my thoughts race thinking of just how
you'll use your beautiful body & mind
to take me places I never could find
alone without your guiding hands
it's got me hot cheeked you understand

this sweetest torture game we play
is eating me up as I dissolve away
'til ember's and ashes all that remain
come back come back I beg to our game
of who can make the other first ignite
setting our minds and bodies bright alight
always ends in laughter sweet kisses too
I'm gone forever you have all my love true.

J.C.
Jayne E May 2019
This day of lovers
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I show you
Begin the day as lovers
We will end this way too
I will show you
All my secret colours
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I will take you
To my secret place
When the sun is setting low
In this lovers day sky
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I lead you through
The rambling roses
Along the cliff face
As the sun is setting
Heavy in the sultry summer sky
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Through the reserve we go
No one knows this place but me
Perched high above the sea
My friend used to own the house behind
Shhh.... Its my secret place
You are the first I have brought here
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I will lay you down in the soft grass
Near so near the edge of the cliff
Give you all I have to give
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Let my hair fall down around your face
As scarab pendant swings between my ******* catches the last glint
Of the setting sun
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
As I kiss your lips
Kiss your eyes
Kiss your neck
Kiss your face
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Kiss you deep & wet
Pull you close to me now
You give all others away
We will seal it here
On the edge of the cliff
With the crashing sea below
Taste the salt on our lips
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I make you mine.
My Valentine...

14/02/2019. J.C.
127 · Aug 2019
love (for Michael)
Jayne E Aug 2019
I am pulled to you
like air
when underwater
I want to say your name
over and over and over
it is beauty
to me
here
I will keep it
in my heart
on repeat
in the beats
two barreled
like your name
my heartbeats
echo
it
again
again
and again

* * 

the love I feel
for you
the vibration
of you
resonates
deeply within
our currents
flowing
particularly charged
producing
warm
enveloping
light

 * *

say my name
over and over and over
keep it in your heart
on repeat
in the beats
this love
replete.

J.C. honey-tiger 17/08/2019 4.44am.
126 · Jun 2019
transcend
Jayne E Jun 2019
we transcend
space transmutes
time unbends
black shards
new found light
transforms
dull coal lines
to sparkled
marcasite
liquify the night
bursting
colours bright
we rearrange
time lines
slip the knot
as we redefine
follow the dot
to refine
realign
reunite in perfect time.

J.C. honey-tiger 25/06/2019, 3.05am.
125 · Aug 2020
no words...
Jayne E Aug 2020
my love for you
the deep emotions
that fly around my heart
lifting me up
lighter than air
defy words
I have searched
reached out
tried to pull
those feelings
onto the page
but they fall
into flat air
the words
to fully express
my love for you
how much you mean
to me
how this love
runs deeper
than the Clutha river
is bigger
than Betelgeuse
how it
burns brighter
than the Sun
is clearer than
the waters of
lake Rotomairewhenua

simply
do not exist.

J.C.
Lake Rotomairewhenua (pronounced "rawtaw-myray-fenooa" aka The Blue Lake, is the clearest lake in the world, and is in our beautiful Sth Island, in the Nelson district, here in New Zealand...the Clutha, is a deep river, also in the Sth Island...
125 · Jul 2020
painting by numbers
Jayne E Jul 2020
before the pale winter sun
has entertained thoughts
of pushing
its watercolour light
into the unfolded corners
of  this long cold night
a solitary Tui
perched
in the highest branches
of the ancient Puriri tree
outside my sleeping windows
sings
searching out his mate
serenading in another
distilled day
and filling my weary being
with little droplets of joy
the white tufted bird
is just being a bird
for him
nothing extraordinary
for me
his complex trills
clicks whirs
interspersed
with melodic bell like
bursts of song
cast out
into the monochromatic dawn
seeming to bleed colour
into the grayscale
feeding my poets soul

© J.C.
124 · Jul 2020
scented death
Jayne E Jul 2020
boy2 & girl lure a young naïve boy
deep deep down into the well
to claim his mums love the ploy
motherless girl will steal his smell
tricked on a dare to stay 5 days
a lethal plan hatched never to tell
girl & boy2 plotted devious ways
to send the  boy on a trip to hell
nose held potion tipped in steep
soft the boy fell deathly asleep
into his chest the girl struck a knife
one two three & out bled his life
with same blade she set to work
her hands did neither shake or ****
cut out clean his scenting glands
armpits & groin with deft hands
shaved the gold hair off his head
a blessing the boy was now dead
mixed pig grease & fragrant oils
added the ****** fruits of her toils
building a scent to rub in her skin
so his sad mum will sense her akin
and foster the girl o'er all others
drawn to a child's natural scent
are  loving affectionate mothers
a trick so cruel it defies belief
his body unfound giving no relief
girl caught herself a loving mother
the mother lost her loving son
shallow earth grave did smother
a crime so heinous nobody won
the girl haunted for decades ahead
the mothers grief saw her undone
the girl spiralled crazy off her head
his body found all finally revealed
the deep dark well at last unsealed
all by a girl craving a loving mother
fostered the need to take anothers

J.C.
A little grim, lolz, not my usual 'style' write, & also unusual for me, completely fictional...sparked by a German series, I recently watched on Netflix, which was not so loosely based (in a modern setting) on one of my top 10 favourite books, (I have reread it many times over the past 20years), 'Perfume' by Patrick Süskind...
Jayne E Mar 2020
I need you to settle me down
to sing me to sleep with a lullaby

stroke me to sleep in your
loving arms, emote me to peace
with ardent embraces so sure
wash me free bathed in light
as your shining stars burst more
shimmered droplets glisten bright

wrap me in your body's nurturing light
ease me gently my love thru night after darker night
dust my skin with loving tender hush
then fill me up with hot ardent crush
of your body in my body
my body on yours

I ache for you to lead me astray
in the dark under covers you & me
to be kicked aside all flung away
as our bodies soar alight flying free
fused as one by fiery heat in play

Feed me your love until I choke
blissful I will yield to your desire
breathe me back to life & invoke
with kisses of air to feed the fire
from sweet lips of my loveliest love

I need you to settle me down
to sing me to sleep with a lullaby.

J.C. 24/03/2019
One year, of love, my sweet darling, this was ,  as I know you remember,  the first of my poems you commented on, and the start of a conversation, we are still having now, and I pray, remains in play, until I draw my last breath.  I love you with all my heart, my body, my mind and soul. I am ruined forever for any other but you.  In love, for you my darling Michael. xxxx

P.S. I will post another original new poem to mark our 1 year anniversary, it us a work in progress x
123 · Dec 2019
love expressed
Jayne E Dec 2019
I want to lie against you
my back to your chest
my cheek to your cheek
my head laid
on your shoulders to rest
feel your deft hands
on my hipbones
finger tips on my belly to press
feel you swell beneath me
as skin to skin we caress
my body your blanket
your body my bed
no words between spoken
love expressed in the unsaid


J.C.
Had to stop, or ud keep adding and adding....
122 · Jul 2020
in your eyes
Jayne E Jul 2020
In your eyes
lost
flecked
with amber fire
igniting
my fuse
burning
burning
burning
for your touch
in your eyes
found
deeply sensual
rich forest floor
ground
anchoring
me
to your
wanting body
in your eyes
sparking
falling
falling
falling
in deep with you
drawn into
this vortex
you are
my magnetar
locked in twin orbit
giddy with love
electrified with desire
as you spin me
higher
higher
higher
pulse thundering
in my head
my skin on fire
the brush of your lips
graze of your teeth
stroke of your
fingertips
feeding
breeding
consumed by
an illuminated
desire

when it is
so intensely charged
this way
when all sounds
each breath of wind
every colour in the day
serves only
to pull me to you
I burn for you
with a white hot flame
my heartbeats
pound out
your name
with ferocious might
I tremble
certain
your lightest touch
will see me dissolve
into particles
of shimmering golden light
becoming
the fired amber flecks
in your eyes

© J.C.
122 · Oct 2020
shaking stars
Jayne E Oct 2020
You're out there
spinning galaxies
with fine tipped fingers
compressing time
then
stretching it out
into gossamer fibrils
casting each
diaphonous strand
into a perfect
jordans curve
infinite
ideal
iterations
looping
into each other
incessantly
less maven
more childlike
and lost
endlessly striving
to rewrite all those
coded memories
becoming
cocooned
confused
soffocating
and bruised
trapped
by your own
woven web of
shimmering lies.

© J.C.
121 · May 2019
Unbridled.
Jayne E May 2019
Stolen clutches in dark night
unspoken aches for lustful rites
fervent whispers from painted lips
over reaches to breech my cliffs
tantric tongues slow dancing slips
this inky night across flooded plains
weave the ****** hypnotic bob
through these wildly freed terrains
small quivering pulsing throb
awaken awash with sweetest desire
furtive fingers seek obtain & dance
to find inferno grimalkin lit on fire
gifted your tongue untied to entrance
proud presence stands fast and firm
accent to my sifted pearly softness
emplore me to wait as in set terms
bitten lip chained back rivers to my hips
shortened breaths restrain the slip
canters becoming gallops quicken must
push, pull, & once again this push of lust
damns all shattered now broken down
relent, release you me, free we drown.

J.C. "honey-tiger 05/05/2019.
121 · Jun 2019
I want I need you...
Jayne E Jun 2019
I want to bury my face in the musk of your lovely fuzzy belly
I need you to chart my body guided
by your map of kisses
I want your lovers caress's and how
they turn my legs to jelly
I need to hear your fervered breath feel the beat my heart missses

I want to breathe your scent feel your passion as it does rise
I need to show you my flower bloom see how you bid my colours unfold
I want you to plot your kisses course make landfall between my thighs
I need you to feel my ardour burning hot never cold

I want to feel our bodies connect as one burning like bright ash
I need to touch every inch of you
press my skin upon your skin
I want to give you 50 strokes
delivered by my lovers lash
I need you to lock eyes with mine my love, bodies entwined let's begin.


J.C. "honey-tiger" 07/06/2019.
#desire #lovers #body love #passion #my one true love
121 · May 2020
panic
Jayne E May 2020
Waking up
panic rising
like bile
choking me
without you near
black dots fuse
together as fear
turning on all the lights
checking rooms
in the dead of night
pulse racing
heart thumping
there's no erasing
it
every sound has me
jumping
focus focus focus
on my breath
in

count

out

repress the urge
to scream and shout
as panic surge
after surge
holds me tight
in its grip
relentless
like a bad acid trip
feeling out of control
the seams tear and rip
counting hours til dawn
never felt so alone
lost in nights chasmic yawn
all I can do is
rock rock rock
try keep it tight
on lock
ride it out
knowing
what it's all about
doesn't mean
I can fix it though
some things
you cannot unknow
just hanging on
til first rays
of morning sun
some things
just can't be undone

© J.C.
panic attacks, memories, trauma, fear, aloneness...
120 · Feb 2020
Bad humans behave badly
Jayne E Feb 2020
she leans into the strain
forcing at the point

trying too hard painful
written all over her face

strives to be
the good (#2) wife

swears that she is
"a woman's woman"

but can't wait to stab
a sister in the back

wears her insecurities
like a gaudy housecoat

thinking unthinkingly
she has everyone fooled

professes love her mantra
while her eyes say bitter

maybe it's the palsy
bitterness of a crooked face

she's sure she can beguile
tilts her head a little too much

her up made pan cake face
creating powdered wrinkle rivers

keeps the leash short and tight
and thinks unthinkingly "he's mine"

she wound up tighter
than a dollar watch

he loose as a goose
has her well fooled

she winks as he slips the hood
one bad person de serves another

she believes he the perfect catch
I guess they are a perfect match


J.C.
120 · May 2019
Black Mirror
Jayne E May 2019
Curled up on the sofa
under the cover of imposed night
curtains pulled tight against the light
Black Mirror flickers on the screen
ticking away mostly unseen
under other covers
lovers
toes battling legs standing
their ground
lines drawn then rubbed out
could stay here forever
chasing our never
never land hand to hand
combat of a playful kind
time wiles serves to unbind
all of the nots undone in sighs
all of the "why's" kissed goodbye
and you my darling by my side
next time it's Ozark or killing Eve
but today Black Mirror I believe.

J.C. honey-toast 13/05/2019.
Jayne E Jun 2020
monster #1

monster #1
gifted to me
my first taste
of real
guttural sorrow
stitched my lips
sealed tight
with threats of
"you'll wake up - dead tomorrow"
as a child
I was not stupid
quite the opposite
in fact
but no child
endures weeks of torture
and comes out
the other side
intact
monster #1
had a partiality
for young
fresh maids
meticulous
and precise
he was sick
morally bankrupt
sadistic
in spades
he walked the world
dressed in the guise
of perfect gentleman
had everybody fooled
as only the best
true monsters can
he took what he craved
with no care
for damage done
narcissistic
sociopath
decidedly depraved
not satisfied
'til her
young innocence
he had won

~~~~~~~~~

monster #2*

monster #2
was an entirely
different kettle of stew
wore the costume
of a beloved
and then used
what he knew
12 years of 'love'
both given & taken
gold rings sealed
all others forsaken
when love flew away
a true monster revealed
rather than release
the 'one true love of his life'
he plotted with vengeful
dark caprice
the undoing
of his trusting sweet wife
the best laid plans
can still go awry
(thankfully)
as on Valentines night
she was
intended to die
11th hour pleas
from the monster
to his crew
kept her
out of her grave
but not all
could he undo
though he cried
and he wailed
filled with
trepidation
and regret
that ship had
already sailed
too little too late
beaten and bruised
her they did violate
toyed with
debased
and used
once more
she did break
as monster #2
a slaughterhouse
of his wife
he did make.


- epilogue -

any sane human
might ask
may seek to know
why would a man
who professes
to love her so much
orchestrate
such an
ungodly horror show?

her crime was
simple
she left him
his anger distilled
if he cannot have her
then nobody will
so throw her
to the brutes
and bid them
to take
their sickly
violent fill

J.C.

Not all monsters start out that way ...it makes it more unbearable, more painful, when there was real love as the foundation...
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3812169/bad-habit-rewrite/
two ends of the spectrum of violation and abuse...#1 a relative 'stranger', & ruiner of children. #2 the opposite, beloved of more than a decade, turned bitter and vengeful, when loves well ran dry, because I could no longer live with his increasing violence, fed by his deepening obsession and deisre to 'own' me like a prized possession...
119 · May 2019
Ain't life grand (@1.30am)
Jayne E May 2019
Ain't Life Grand..at 1.30am.

Ain't life grand when your
teenage son decides at 1.30am
to take a stomp
through the house,
feet as loud as possible
on the lovely Tawa boards,
'coz he had a 'fight' with his
gf..his bf..his best friend
over nothing
over something
blah blah blah...

knowing your tenuous
relationship with sleep,
bangs away
doors swung a 'lil too hard,
sighs heaved audibly,
yes son, yes son, wide awake now
if you want to talk,
instead choose testosterone
and I'm a ***** for asking you
to please be a little more gentle
in the middle of the night.
single parenting,
ain't life grand,

as 'he' sleeps blissfully
on the other side of the city,
unaware of either his child's
best friends name,
or their most favourite things,
colours, songs they sing
quietly to themselves
when relaxed disarmed
alone with their thoughts.

ain't life grand as sleep,
gone now the way of
too many dried tears,
runny noses,
and skinned knees,

son sheepishly tapping now
on my door, with sorrys and
I love you's and
that was not cool of me mum.
well I'm awake now son
if you need a cuppa, a hug
and a chat at 2am,
or anything,
ain't life grand.

it's nothing,
it's everything,
it is.
It is the empty half of the bed,
sheets cold still tucked
it's not getting ******,
no comfort to be had,
except for my
constant companions,
my cicadas,
chirping rhythmically
on and on outside
the open summer windows.

Ain't life grand, monster o'clock
right around the corner now,
just beyond the breech,
any point in trying to grasp
a handful more
of tattered sleep
lost.

I want to scream it
into the still dark night
to all those peaceful bodies,
curled together in
ignorant Innocent bliss,
wake up! wake up! wake up!
yeah, ain't life grand.

J.C. 30/03/2019.
118 · Nov 2019
you are not gone...
Jayne E Nov 2019
you are not gone from me
still constant
your love remains
yet an imposed shift
the fire break gap
pushing space between us
an emotional wall
a memory trawl
evokes strange
unwelcome feelings
frets shivers
begins a
f
     a
        l
          l
in my chest
she returns
not a stranger
yet estranged
the cuckoldress
revisits
a once in common
address
I hold your heart
within mine
as you hold
my heart dear
I know you are not gone
from me love
I still feel you
between every beat
held caged in my chest
no notice given
or taken
or regrets
perhaps
a returning
temptress
hits that feeling
again
of
falling
falling
falling
within my chest
my mind cursed
with overactive
imagining
seeing
she employing tactics
static crackles
inside my head
take the hit
the pull of you
felt belly deep in the pit
the cold empty
side of the bed
taunts
then taints
twists longings knife
after a few swift
sliced precision bites
you are not gone from me
logic puts up a good fight
when the heart is in so deep
and falls the long cold night
thoughts simmer
they steep and creep
you are not gone from me
love.

© J.C.
118 · Oct 2020
falling stars
Jayne E Oct 2020
dappled morning light
the gentleness
of early suns
flickering through
leaves
dancing on a summer breeze
filtered rays
curtains drawn tight
against the intruding day
your steady breath
dusting my skin
will always be
how I want to wake
your sleepy voice
gentle
pulling me
into the new day
pulling me
into you
I could stay here
like this
entwined
with you
letting day fall into night
and night bloom into day
the world beyond our window
dissolving
I would if we could
stay here
breathing you in
my oxygen
the falling stars
of your kisses upon my skin
firing my heart
with love.

© J.C.
117 · Sep 2020
cause célèbre (a repost)
Jayne E Sep 2020
A repost in honour of all the 'regular' everyday people who have lost their lives to the Covid19 pandemic

cause célèbre


Gloria Vanderbilt died today
princess Diana, was on the news
beautifully dead,
walking the dusty trails
of Angolan land mine fields,
without protection
of any shields.

"I cried the day that Bowie died"
(and the world cried with you)
we shed our tears
our sighs & whys,
when a famous one dies,
but what of the good human
who slips away
without any voices,
without any words,
to say?

The one who gave much more
than they could spare
passes away,
shown no care
the loved yet forgotten,
once fine now
the downtrodden.

The mother who sang lullabies
dried millions of tears,
hushed thousands of sighs
with warm embraces,
with loving care,
slips into the nothing,
exits an unaffected world.

The lover once lovely
dead in an alley
or a ditch,
too many hits,
too many scars,
unseen unfelt
unmissed(sic)
by hundreds of
passing cars

Beauty rotting
cold blood clotting,
passersby
passing by
unaware,
would they even care
that she was broken
long before dead,
a world callous and cruel
undid her lovely head?

I understand fame,
I understand célèbre,
I understand shame,
I hang my head.

© J.C.
A repost, in memory of all the everyday 'regular',  remarkable, people who have recently lost their lives to the  Covid19 pandemic.  Originally a musing on how much more 'importance' we place on the passing of 'famous' people, when every day, millions of everyday 'regular' remarkable humans die...what value do we assign to a life, and why should one life count for more than another, just by virtue of notoriety or fame or 'celebrity'... Anyway, it seemed like an appropriate time to repost this one...written the day Gloria Vanderbilt died last year. Way before we got caught in the grip of Covid19, and a new way of living was born.
117 · Jul 2020
carry me on your back
Jayne E Jul 2020
carry me on your back
legs wrapped
around your waist
when I am tired
wash my body
lovingly
warm water
cascading
from the shower
of your deconstructed
bathroom
I want to remain
all softened edges
sleepy and quiet
while you attend
to your task
thoroughly
then carry me
again
lay me in our bed
warm clean & happy
I ache to sink deep
into the waters
of your love
never hit the bottom
never ascend
to breathe the air
of the mundane world
outside our bedroom
dissolving
embraced
bouyant
consumed
and enveloped
by your
extraordinary  love
you fill my senses
with a deep joy
the ways
you express your love
for me
In all its
rarified loveliness
unequalled tenderness
with
fiery passion &
sweet devotion
has me ruined
forevermore
for any other.

© J.C.
116 · Sep 2020
somersaulting into happy
Jayne E Sep 2020
It is important
that you know
just how much
you matter
regardless
of tempers flared
boundaries shattered
I've loved you
since
before you were born
all the joys we've shared
at first
just a fluttering tremor
always awake before dawn
then somersaults
and kicks in your dad's ribs
thru my belly
hard not to remember
but when I lay
a certain way
that warm September
just you and me
alone in peace
tranquility
so still
as a belly bump
you would be
sleeping inside me
as I slept too
just we
in harmony
perfect symmetry
you
taught me
the true essence
of happy

J.C.
I just came across this, written quite a time ago for my daughter...my first born.
Jayne E Apr 2020
you slow love my scars
I love your fast cars
my sweet basil kisses
playing Mr and Mrs
I fancy your tickles
you tickle my fancy
we're in for the long haul
bucket list Spain Italy & Nepal
I'm a fool for your affection
& communication
with no deflection
how we love to share showers
I could get lost for hours
and hours
and hours
and hours
your sharp wit is never dour
how you give love
is your secret superpower
even your cats are quite amazing
whether launching at possums
or dining on lobster paté
piggy wiggy grazing
or mew, mew, mew, to say
you don't even know
how beautiful you are
as rare as crystal cinnabar
even across seas afar
a love beyond par
my honey bee so clever
I'm going to love you forever
with tender sweet care
grace with kisses
your face fair
nuzzle your fuzzy belly hair
and further, further,
further down there
breathe in your sultry musk
kiss the lovely freckle
on your love tusk
honey bee this love we share
deep and truly beyond compare
from baby bee to my honey bear

J.C.
A doodle ramble while blissing and missing and craving to be kissing my honey bee
115 · Jun 2019
Time.
Jayne E Jun 2019
with passing peers
faster pass the years
and shifting gears
not so smoothly run
in moonlights bathe
our sunset days
too soon over after just begun

J.C. honey-owl 05/06/2019
115 · Dec 2019
silver dollar shimmer
Jayne E Dec 2019
you lifted my arm
to see it drop flop
like I was a rag doll
when I was still a child
should have still been
a child instead
my body heavy
limbs drugged
and sleeping
my mind
still awake
although drowning
small heart pounding
I could feel your heart beating
excited with anticipation
carrying me to
the midnight garden
silver dollar leaves
their dusky shimmer
becoming
my focal distraction
blurred points of light
guiding me back
to days spent in sunshine
sunlight glistening
on gentle ocean waves
childhood delights
dusted with light
slipping the knot
mouth filled
with leaves of rot
mixed with coppery blood
becoming
escape artist extraordinaire
Houdini of the mind slip
not to feel young flesh rip
invoking warm summer air
not to feel the rip and tear
making myself spring rain
not to feel the searing pain
recalling my mother's embrace
tactics to temporarily erase
to catapult
through time and space
dusky
silver
dollar
leaves shimmer
feeling the burn of the rope
grasping any filamental
glimmer of hope

© J.C. 25/12/2019 3.40am
Christmas memory, abuse, torture, lost childhood.
113 · Feb 2020
11 months...
Jayne E Feb 2020
11 months


(prelude)
11 sweet months
most would say
1 year, 12 months
has more significance
not so
for us
those double numbers
how they appear
e v e r y w h e r e
softens my heart
in sentimentality
more today
at 11 sweet months


there are still things
about how you give
your love to me
that floor me
my heart
soars
in my chest
at the first sound
of your morning
half asleep voice
gently growling
softly
against me
sweetly murmured
words of love & affection
your deft hands
in loving carress
communicate
desire & devotion
your generous mouth
gifting kisses
so many kisses
my happiness
always
first order of your day
it is still new to me
to be so beautifully loved
stirs me pit deep
feeds the need in me
to love
you
so fiercely
that
you will feel
how I carry you
with me
always
in my heart
as I feel you carry me
moving through the world
going about our day
each in separate ways
measuring the hours
in skipped heartbeats
until together again


the
ascend
followed by
the descend
followed
by the ascend
has always held meaning
for me
waves of emotion
wash over me
carried by your current
blissfully seeking
stolen licks
of your sea foam essence
I could drink you
as an elixir
lose myself completely
in the taste of you
surrender willingly
to the pull of your love
how you push me
lovingly
out past the breakers
your face radiating joy
when I beg
no more
no more
no more
you render me
undone
in a state
of sated bliss
pulse thundering
in my head
myriads of
coloured starbursts
exploding behind my eyes

you are
mischevious
for sure
but always
with sweet love
at the core
I want to lose myself
in your scent
camp out
in our secret fort
for days
with you
as my sustenance
devour you
with kisses
with caresses
whisper
secret incantations of love
against your skin
in those holy moments
of ******
our bodies
our breaths
our beats
joined
as one


your love
how you give it
still surprises me
daily
I catch myself
being carried away
soaring
elevated
divine
elated
sublime...


(epilogue)
11 sweet months
delighting
in the warmth
the tender light
of your love
the significance
of double numbers
ennobled by month

            11
      1  +  1  = 2
   (circra 2(0)2(0)


J.C. 26/02/2020

(Of course my love, I finished this at 2.22am (spontaneously)
For you my love, and how numbers in doubles are everywhere for us, but mostly for how you communicate love, it is my darling, quite sublime.  Thank you for 11 sweet months (mostly) :)
112 · Jun 2020
golden droplets
Jayne E Jun 2020
thinking about you
with too much
focus
when we are apart
has me
unable to settle
unable to sleep
unable to eat
thinking about
your heat
your kiss
your touch
your skin
pressed
against my skin
those holy moments
of mutual ******
bodies in perfect sync
letting go
together
giving over to
the ferocious
sweet storms
tearing through
our *****
colours bursting
behind my eyes
lost in your sighs
shimmering
golden
droplets of lights
a heat haze
made
just for lovers
my ******
triggered by
your moans
sweet words
of love
and devotion
whispered
against my skin
forever changed
I am adrift
with you
on an ocean of love
blissfully
ruined
for any other
willingly
marooned
on the island
of your love.

© J.C.
112 · May 2020
missing you...
Jayne E May 2020
woken by sultry rain
droplets big fat splots
upon my window pane
feeds the need
to feel your skins warmth
next to me
in nights dark pitch
knowing
at my fingers reach
you are here
closer, so near
not kept from me
by swirling vast seas
It hurts
pulling your pillow
in close
wrapping my body around it
whispering your name
is not the same
as feeling your breath
upon my skin
your touch
that I need so much
the rain falls
on and on
pushes me
through this barren night
til dawns light
breaks me apart
with it tears at my heart.

© J.C.
Covid19's ramifications include keeping lovers apart...
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