I miss the warmth of your embrace
The loving look upon your face
The tenderness in your eyes
I miss the nights
We stayed up until four am
All the sweet secrets
The two of us kept
I miss how at peace I felt
Lying in your arms
I miss your big, brown eyes
Your fingers entangled in my hair
I miss the feeling of knowing everything would be okay
Just because I had you
I miss having you to look forward to
I miss the way our hearts would pound
When the chance of getting caught was coming around the corner
I miss hearing you name
And finding a silly smile on my face
Trying to hide the hint of pink in my cheeks
I miss you kissing my forehead
And hearing you whisper
"You're beautiful"
I miss when you were all I needed
My best friend
You knew everything
I miss the way your eyes would light up when they saw me
The shy smile you tried to hide
I miss how you would run and pick me up
Those are still my favorite hugs
I miss when my legs were to tired to walk
You would lift me in your arms
And carry me wherever me feet wouldn't take me
I miss the way you'd sneak in
Surprising me with one last kiss
Which ended up taking us forever to part
But even forever wasn't long enough
Because life was only good in your arms
I miss the way my stomach turned
When my head was in your hands
Losing ourselves in each other's eyes
I miss the way your fingers laced with mine
No one would guess they would fit perfectly
I miss how we could talk for hours on end
I miss the way we would kiss
A taste I can't get out off my lips
I miss when trusting you was easy
I miss how my life was
Before you deceived me

Losing you taught me that life
Isn't a "one or the other" kind of thing

I gained more love and joy than I could ever have imagined when you left
My whole world shifted in your absence
To a place of peace, wonder, and joyful curiosity

But that doesn't mean that your absence isn't felt
Because even in all this beauty my heart still misses you
Even though I am doing things I never could have with you
A part of me still wishes I was waking up next to you

And it's taken me a long time but I think that this is what life looks like
Moving on isn't getting to a place of completely "being over" you
I think I'll always feel sad when I think about you
And there will always be emptiness in places you filled
But that doesn't mean that joy can't coexist with missing you

I can rest in thankfulness for all that my life is becoming
And still shed a silent tear that you no longer wish to be a part of it

How funny it was
That as our lips sat inches apart
Begging to be kissed
We talked about our lovers
Without hearing each other's words
Or even knowing what we were saying ourselves

How funny it was
To be lost in your eyes
While telling you why I shouldn't be

I love your smile
The way you look at me
I love how sweet you are
And how you make me forget about my pain
I love the way my body tingles
When I feel you close to me
I love looking into your eyes
And wanting to be the person you believe me to be
I love how you tease me
Making me laugh endlessly
I love how everyone thinks we're dating
But in reality, that's a dream to me

What I don't love
Is that every time I go to tell you how I feel
I hear a whisper above the screams saying,
"Don't. It'll ruin everything."

It’s taken me a year to get over you
God, I’ve wasted too much time on you
There are so many things I wish I could say to your face
Like how you drive me crazy
You’re selfish and immature
Hypocritical and scared
Couldn’t even face me
When you walked away
Thought I would be okay
Had no reason to say it to my face
But oh well
Cause you’re pathetic and lame
No girl should ever love you
A liar and a cheater
Just playing the game
And I’ve found someone new
Someone you can’t ever be compared to
He’s wonderful and great
And sometimes I wonder
When I’m holding his hand
That I forget it’s him
And picture you instead
Look all you’ve done to me
And I still fall at your feet
I just don’t understand
If I’m better off
Then why is it me chasing after you?

In that one second of our hands letting go, I became overwhelmed with the realization that I was losing you.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized when my fingers were begging you to stay and you took your hand away from mine that I knew you no longer loved me.

And like your presence that haunts me, your fingers remain a ghost where they should be interlocked with mine.

My greatest fear
Is becoming a woman that needs a man to survive

My greatest fear
Is that you'll wake up one day and you won't need me anymore

I wrote all these words for you
I wonder if you'll ever read them

To His New Lover,

I have only heard whispers about you and seen glimpses of you in pictures
The one thing I know is that you and I are very different
And I hope that means something good
That maybe you bring out the man in him I never could

I hope he tells you you're beautiful every day even though you don't need to hear it but because you deserve it
I hope he never forgets to buy you flowers because he would do anything to see that smile spread across your face
I hope he holds you more than he makes love to you so that you always know he loves you for your soul and not for your body
I hope that when you fight, he fights for you instead of you having to convince him to stay
I hope that all the promises he makes and the dreams you build together you get to see manifest

I hope that there is never a day that you have to doubt his love because he is committed to showing you every second you're together how priceless your presence is to him

I hope you are everything to him that I couldn't be, that he wouldn't let me be, that I didn't know how to be.
I hope that your love is enough.

Sincerely,
The Girl who Loved Him First

I don't know how to stay for more than a night
I don't know how to not runaway when someone's grip feels too tight
And I don't know how to lose my logic and love you with my heart

Because I do know goodbyes
I know no amount of new hellos can put a broken heart back together
I know the impossibility of moving on from love lost

But your voice sounds like forever
And your eyes feel like coming home
Your touch tastes better than any good thing I've never known



All I know is
I don't know a lot about love
But I know my fears grow silent when you take my hand

There is no forgetting you
But there is letting you go