there's a chill in the air, it's settled into my bones.
bare feet in the cold march air step towards a familiar place.
i'm breathing better than i have in months.
"it's been awhile."
well hi to you, too.
"i know. i'm sorry."
i apologize, but i'm mainly awaiting yours.
the moon draws silver shadows over each of us.
i can see the silhouette of our tree over the lake.
"don't be, i am. but..." [your hand is so heavy on my arm.]
"but...what?"
"i'm finishing what i started. i'm...i'm sorry i let it go on this long."
there is a second, right there, where i think this is going elsewhere.
down a different road, with a different soundtrack to lead the way.
but i think, even then, i knew.

"if you scream, it'll be the last thing you do."
you're getting off on this. this is not a game.
this is not a game, and it hurts.
this is not a game, i'm scared, and i close my eyes.
"open your eyes."
no.
"open your **** eyes."
i always liked having my hair played with.
this is nothing like that.
"much better."
hot breath rushing over my ear, my face, my lips.
into my mouth.
oh...there goes dinner.
"you gonna behave now?"
i have no choice. you're choking me.
i can't breathe.
"you looking at it?"
yes. how can i not?
i always thought it was a lovely weapon.
"yeah, i won't hesitate to use it. don't push me."
i'd never dream of it.
besides, i can't move my arms.
"don't push me, *****. don't push me."
you'll find me very compliant if you continue this.
i fear i won't have much of an option.

oh, and to think this is but the beginning.

friday, let's play hooky. we'll nap in my car.
just let me be where you are.

saturday, up at 2. we'll sleep in late.
just let me wake where you are.

sunday, up at 6. we'll never sleep.
just let me see a sunrise with you.

monday, up at 8. we'll miss our last bell.
just let me skip with you.

tuesday, up at 10. we'll miss first bell.
just let me sleep in with you.

wednesday, up at 8. we'll behave today.
i just want friday with you.

thursday, up at 9. we'll go for breakfast.
i just want it all with you.

Apologies, apologies, I won’t say it’s okay
Stop apologizing, I don’t think you’re sorry
Apologies, apologies, wasted breath
Stop apologizing, it falls on deaf ears

One glance in the mirror, smiling
One glance in the mirror, hiding
One glance in the mirror, healing

I’ve moved on, stop apologizing
I’ve moved on, don’t you see?
Abandoning me, forgetting me
You mean so little to me

It’s tragic and it’s sad and, and you
You meant so much to me
But you mean so little to me

There I go again, oh tragedy
Lying again, what a sin
I’m lying to myself, it’s silly
But I’m lying to myself when I say
When I say you mean so little to me

There is no problem in feeling
I've never claimed such a silly thing
But it's known, a proven fact
That too much feeling, that solid entity
Is common man's common enemy

And here I go, here I go again
Crash and burn, fading fast, burning out
He argues, exhale and repent, press repeat
Do you hear the bitterness, she's healing

Healing, healing, hating but healing
Moving on, it's about time, isn't it?
Fizzle out and close your eyes

She dreams in red, she dreams in black
She dreams in hate, she dreams in pain
She dreams and dreams and feels
Oh how she finally feels, and this time...

She doesn't care that there's no one there
Praise be to the angels, the angels, the angels on high
She doesn't care that there's no one there

It was meant to be, supposed to be
Such a crime, violation, humiliation
Illegal intimidation
This is the first she'll write of it
Is this the last you'll hear of it?
I hope so, I hope so

Maybe you won't even hear of this
Maybe she won't even read this
Maybe she won’t even have written this
She will though, she will

She'll scream and scream and I, I will cry with her
We will cry and we will scream
I guess I'll admit it here
But her and I, we're one in the same
Same in the one, you could say
But oh, we're not together

Gotta keep us separated, it's suicide
Selfish personal slaughter, suicide
To put them together

I can't sleep, she can't breathe
She can't sleep, I can't breathe
We wonder, does this make sense?
We wonder, should it make sense?

Don't be frightened, isn’t this how it's supposed to be?
What a poem, what a poet, and hell yes she knows it
Even if you don't, she knows it
She can feel it, this is what she does
Who she is, it's her power

Take a picture, does it last?
Write a poem, the words will last
Draw a flower with words flying
I take something that was never there
And make a blind man see

There’s something else I do
And **** it if it didn’t get me in trouble with you
I thought in forevers, in forevers with you
We talked in forevers, in when-we-get-aways
What we’re doing tomorrow, inconsequential
Until tomorrow became today

And today, tomorrow, yesterday
There was nothing
I’m sorry to bring you in this
This twisting, conniving, forgetting
But it’s necessary, so deal with it
You started it, I ended it
Let me be the one who ended it
I needed the control, need to have taken it
There, at the end, that needs to be mine

I’m going back, back to the beginning
Because it stopped hurting awhile ago
It makes me smile now, smile
Because I know what I did to you, for you
Because I know what I do to you

I love you, I hate you.
You broke me, you saved me.
Completely original, full of clichés.
You knew me completely, as I knew you.
A stranger to me, as I am to you.
Predictably unpredictable.
Disgusting but endearing.
This is the end, this is the beginning,
of everything we are.
And everything we’re not.

I have learned three things in life.
I have lost three things in life.

Faith- a curtain to hide behind, crutches to hold me up.
Faith- a broken record of lies and hypocrisy, when I threw it away I could stand alone.

Hope- an intangible thing of optimistic beauty.
Hope- pessimism is so much safer.

Love- promises, worries, caring, blind, deaf and dumb, not even minding.
Love- remember the memories, throw away the promises, don’t cross those lines.

I now look for these three things in life.

She can find freedom here.
She can be happy here.
She wishes to stay forever here.

Galloping, cantering, chaotically awry.
Flying as one, two beings, seamless lines.
She can find freedom here.

The sun slips gently from the sky.
Her fingers tangled in copper mane.
She wishes to stay forever here.

A whinny, a nicker, a smile as she cries.
She loves what this means to her.
She can find freedom here.

She talks to him, because his eyes don’t lie.
Ears swept forward, and those gentle honey eyes.
She wishes to stay forever here.

Twelve hundred pounds of unbridled energy.
He’s her biggest, closest friend.
She can find freedom here.