The tears she cried beneath a twinkling blue-black
Sky shone with a light of hidden silver.

The blade of the knife he drew across her thigh
Instilled in her a fear, mixed in blood and silver.

Violence forces humility, she‘s guilty.
The big bad wolf has teeth of steel, of silver.

The March moon spills shadows tonight, no light.
Behind the clouds the moon will hide, tonight there is no light of silver.

After this, her every night will be spent in hiding.
She doesn’t trust the moon anymore, stays away from its light of silver.

Sarah knows these can’t be her golden years.
These years are at best a tarnished silver.

yes, let’s.
let’s never.
never again.
again, please.
please, let’s.
let’s not.
not ever.
ever again.
again, yes.

Do you remember the late nights, street lights?
I remember- forever days, sun rays.
Feeling scared, acting brave, disregarding all the rules.
Fleeting glances, heartbeat trances, impromptu dances.
Every minute was a cherished gift- it’s pitiful, isn’t it?
Rarely have I felt, never have I felt, finally have I felt.
Ever after, nevermore, what was found has now been lost.
New girl? New feelings, new changes, no reasons.
Crying out to understand, that’s all I want- to understand.
Exceptions made to all the rules, where is my friend?
Silence makes friendships drown, so hurry up- rescue us now.

Dear legal codependents,

I am not my daddy’s girl.
I am not my mom’s best friend.
It’s not my choice, it’s who I am.
Have you ever stopped to think, perhaps,
That maybe one of those people you so harshly judge
Is sitting across from you- your own flesh and blood?
How can you love me anymore?
According to you, I’m just a *****.
Abomination, miscreation, I love you, I disgust you, I know.
You’ve lost a daughter, she’s moving on.

Sincerely- your daughter, your first born, your pride.
Sincerely- bisexual, immoral, criminal me.

i used to live another life.
i use to wake up from not sleeping every morning,
look in the mirror, and crave a blade.
i use to cross my eyes when my eyes were closed,
just to feel the world tilt and slide, because then,
maybe,
my brain will catch up and stop tilting and sliding around in my own head.

i used to scream and cry at night, silenced by my own fist in my mouth.
i used to wake up from not sleeping to cuts,
indents in my thigh from my own fingernails.
i use to close my eyes when someone passed me by,
just so they couldn’t see how empty mine felt.

i used to smile and laugh and not feel a ******* thing.
i use to wake up from falling asleep next to somebody,
anybody,
and wonder when the next time i’d get normal sleep would be.
i use to hold my eyelids closed with my hands,
because i was too scared to close them myself.

i used to live another life; i used to be another person.
when i wake up at night, and all i need is someone,
anyone,
i want to turn away from you.
i want you to know me as i am now.
i don’t want to be the shattered one, the one that needs fixing.
i want the chance to be whole.
i want you to not know everything you know.

i realize, though, that it doesn’t matter.
i’ll hide it all from you, the big stuff,
how i’m afraid to sleep,
afraid to walk by myself,
afraid i will lose myself-
in the effort to move away from my old self.
i’ll hide all of that from you, the important stuff,
because who has time for another person, anyway?
in the end, we’re all concerned with i.

i’m sad,
i’m scared,
i’m lonely,
i’m hungry,
i’m angry,
i’m tired,
i’m drunk,
i’m sober,
i’m high.
i’m low.

i will hide it all from you, because i don't want you to see me broken.
i don't want you to see me as the person i was.
i want to be new, and whole, and lovable,
and i want to be the one who helps,
not the one who needs help.
no one lets me be her.
won't you?

the lights are dim, the sun is setting
a glass of wine, half-empty
casts a lonely shadow on the wall

a clock is ticking
a solemn reminder
of how time keeps running
even if we think we’re running
out

i don’t think you know
no, no i don’t think so
i don’t think you know
what you want
a kiss so light, like wings
like wings on skin
featherbeats