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when I was young
I used to dream
what is love
what could it mean
I used to fantasize
the perfect mate
then I realized
I had to wait
for this dream
to come true
for my heart
to find you
it wasn't easy
and I got hurt
there were times
when it didn't work
I would either cry
or feel so down
I wanted to die
than be around
I wanted to run
just disappear
I felt I was done
I gave into fear
but one day
it came to my surprise
I found myself
looking in your eyes
it felt so different
it felt so right
like heavens angels
golden light
I knew I had to try again
I knew you were my other half
I knew your heart I had to win
I knew you were what I wanted to have
you're the reason
I never lost hope
you're the reason
I still go
You will always be my special one
we'll always stick together
cause I love you baby
always... and... forever.
 Jul 2013 Sarah Antilope
Alice
Eyes
 Jul 2013 Sarah Antilope
Alice
Look into my eyes,
and you'll see the seas that I've cried.
Look right into them
and see what's behind my smile of lies.
Look at the scars on my skin
behind each one is a story carved in
of each time I lost a battle
and gave in.
Are you looking deep enough to see me?
Hiding behind walls avoiding to be seen
running from the demons
from inside, that are chasing me.
Can you see my aching soul?
And the darkness that doesn't lessen but grows?
Can you see who I really am?
The one who's isolated, scared and alone.
Can you see into my eyes?
Past the tears I've cried and smiles that are lies?
Are you looking deep enough to see,
behind my round brown eyes,
my excruciating desire to end my life.
Number 1
Playgrounds and innocence.
Those were the days, right?
Friendship had a whole other meaning then.
We shared laughs, secrets, zero worries.
But the day you moved, that was the end.
We both moved on.

Number 2
Friends since the 4th grade and going, going...
Kind of.
We did pretty much everything together.
Switching barns when I did, camping, etc, etc.
High school came and we had different friends.
But, we still talk at least, right?
Sometimes.

Number 3
You were the only one who made me feel visible.
Phone calls every day, even if we just saw each other.
When you first moved, we wrote constantly.
Now you're about to get married and so much has changed.
We don't talk much at all now, but it's hard to imagine
You know, us being the same.
Should we meet again.

Number 4
I will never understand what happened.
We shared passions and great talks.
That sudden silence hit me hard though.
Out of nowhere, I didn't exist any longer.
And just like that
It was over

Number 5
I tried so hard, but you chose.
I was there, but you were blind to it.
Yet you blamed, cursed, insisted foul play.
I couldn't save you and I had to go.
We're both burned from the scars on your wrists.

Number 6
The last straw.
We moved in together, perfect roommates.
Then he moved in.
And they came around.
Replaced so fast and the best part?
Mary Jane was your new confidant.
I may come back and add to this.
I see the brightness of your smile on my darkest day.
I smell the sweet scent of your memories from miles away.
And on my luckiest days, I can taste the air you breathe.
Not a day goes by where you fail to dominate my thoughts..

I rub your smooth skin in my sleep.
I kiss your soft lips in my dreams.
I indulge myself in you...all of you, in what seems to be my happy ending.
Not a night goes by where you fail to command my mind...

Every step I take and every move I make revolves around you.
Every moment that goes by, I'm reminded of your warm embrace.

Your delicate touch and your gentle kisses are missed more and more each day,
And with each sunrise and sunset, they become that much harder to wash away...

To you what we had seems to be faded, meaningless and rotten.
But the imprint you've left on my soul will never be forgotten..
I made a scrapbook of all the things we did,
Photographs
And distant laughs,
Yeah, we shared a few.
But now the film is running out,
There's one more I have to do,
One of you.

Walks on the beach,
Sitting on the roof of your house at night,
There is so much we need to teach the world,
How to love, and to do it right.

This scrapbook still lives here,
Withered and collecting dust,
But it will live to be older than this lifetime,
It will live beyond us.
 Jul 2013 Sarah Antilope
her
Almost.
 Jul 2013 Sarah Antilope
her
I almost wrote you a love song once

but then I remembered how much I hate love songs

and I decided to just

write you this instead

see most people live life backwards

they’re dead before they find life

and it’s usually too late

and I was that person until I stumbled across you

I found my heartbeat in your spontaneity

and I found my smile in your lips

you touched me in places without

using your hands

and when I cry, you don’t silence me by telling me

"it’ll get better"

you don’t wipe away my tears

you let me cry

and that’s more than anyone has ever done for me

and when I want to thank you

I realize I don’t know how

but you tell me “you’re welcome"

in a million different ways

and I want to thank you for that too

but I don’t know how to do that either

that was when I almost wrote you a love song

but I stopped when I realized that I hated love songs

and I loved you

so I wrote you this instead
 Jul 2013 Sarah Antilope
Elise
I am ready to make
the same promises I made
before. I don't make empty
promises. Those promises
I made to her I want to make
to you. But I must be more careful
this time. I was so careless with my
heart last time, that I let her take
it and rip it apart. You have my
heart, but for now, I will keep
these promises safe with me.
You can have them when you
finally see.
Hurt, Hurt is what I am
Wait know
Hurt is  
Harm
Damage
Wounded
Pain
I'm way more then hurt
Hurt is only one word
I'm confused,scared and embarrassed
People say I'm such a bad girlfriend
That he can do better
That I treat him like ****
But no that's not the case if I did he would tell me
He tells me all the time I'm the most amazing girlfriend
But
I don't know what I wan't
I should be happy I have such a perfect life
But i'm not
I'm scared
Because I feel like i'm losing everyone
I'm scared to make a wrong decision
One minute I want one thing and the next I want another
I don't know what I want
Today my mother said for the first time
oh is that my son in law on the phone
I nearly died inside a part of me was happy and another part didn't know
Yes I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life
But I don't know yet
I don't know if i'm quite ready to settle down just yet
And is it wrong to still have feelings for your best friend... Idk I'm just confused
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