a
boy

a
girl

a
friend

a
wkward

a
ffection

a
ccord

a
relatio­nship

a
rguments

a
split

a
boy

a
lone

please,
please
don't forget
this

m
my
my h
my he
my hea
my hear
my heart
my heart s
my heart st
my heart sti
my heart stil
my heart still
my heart still h
my heart still hu
my heart still hur
my heart still hurt
my heart still hurts

it's foggy out,
cloudy thinking

****
YOU

there is clearly
A    W  A  L  L
between us

everything is
everything

i try to fit
n

hope

i am a
dead man
shot by perfection

kiss me
touch me
**** me
I'm yours

the sky is
cloudy

much  like
the future

of this
dead man's
wife.

i fell into
her eyes

jumped
into the
void

searching
for a place

with her
by my
side

why
why must i
be so indoctrinated
by the way
you stare
you care
you walk
you talk
you smile
you listen
you cry

you say "hi"
to me
that's how it starts

bury my heart in the field
in the tall grass,
drenched with sunset
for it will grow there

tell your lover
to come to the field
take her by the hand
pull her close
in the tall grass,
kiss her with the sunset
for it will grow there

to your lover:
tell your son or daughter
and their sister and brother
to go to the the tall grass
in the field

bury your heart
bury it deep in the earth.
and love,
for it will grow there

crystals in the sky
crystals in my eye
crystals that i cry
for you, my dear

i stand here
before you
today, with a
troubled
struggled heart

in one life
that ended
had not even
began

for it is
my life that
has shriveled
up into nothing
turned  into something

reborn! reborn,
i am!
into this world i once grew
to despise

i
spit out death
i
inhale life

there are many people
around me
their body heat
surrounds me
yet i shiver

The owl and the snake,
fight for their precious short lives.
Love's venom is sweet.

i named my imaginary friend
love

because he likes to taunt me
(i am so ugly)

when a girl meets me
he greets thee
and says his **** is just a little pea
(i am so ugly)

she then flees
rinse lather repeat

love oh sweet love
i stand before thee
in absolute defeat
why dont you slit my wrists
and shoot me
i am so very ugly

"When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back into you."
­-Nietzsche

Wind was soft that day.
As if a motherly hand had caressed his face
The same hand that had punched
and slapped happiness into a
****** pulp.

I remember rain that day,
like diamonds breaking upon his cheek.
These jewels of familiarity,
tears.

"When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back into you."
­-Nietzsche

He gazed in contempt from atop the bridge.
The water had been rising.
Yet death rose faster,
always faster.

I remember his face that day.
10
Finally noticeable.
9
As if life had softly ****** life away.
8
Softly like wind.
7
Laughter echoes,
6
it splatters like rain.
5
They told him to leap for the stars.
4
Would he had gone far?
3
wind hit him like cars,
2
rain like bullets.
1
Lift off.

But Houston we have a problem.
You see, they'll never know how hard the river felt.
Hard like his first kiss,
kissing the pavement.

Wind sifts through the spruce,
Birch,
Oak,
and Maple trees.
I remember the wind that grew like the trees.
Strong but gentle,
humble but confident,
infectious but pure.

It was the wind we created.
Together.

They told me I didn't know what love was.

Every stinging syllable of that salient statement still splits me open as if
hit by a throwing knife.
How could I not know something that has both affected my life and
directed my strife?
Yet they were kind of right.

I did not know what love 'was',
I only knew what love 'is'.
Love is,
Persistent.
Both consistent and inconsistent, even
Resistant.

But most importantly, love is existent.

As in the time I practiced kissing the basketball.
Forget the swish, my only wish was for that kiss to be
real.

And I fantasized that She'd be my blue sky.
We'd kiss on the 4th of July,
while the fireworks fly by.
Love was with this girl in my mind.

You see, I'm a Romanticist.
I choose not to live in a reality where logic tells me
affection only leads to an *******.
Or a mathematical algorithm can find our
connection.
No, this is the wrong
direction.  

Still, they think I'm insane.
For romance has been too romanticized,  
into something we cannot theorize.
We must all be square,
and think square.
But when I look into the sky,
I can still see her eyes, desperately waiting,
until the 4th of July.

This ones for the girl
who has cried in the corner,
for most of her time.
Let me silence your sobbing.
You alone, had silenced mine.

Rain broke upon grass.
Depression rolls down my cheek.
Synchronized sobbing.

Artificial in nature.
Humanities failure.
Yet authority's savior.
This murky-dark stranger.
  
The black pearl watches me, faintly
  
I find it hard to bare.
That he was always there.
In the corner, computer, or chair.
Nobody can avoid his ruthless glare.  
  
The black pearl watches me, patiently.
  
I have something to say.
Must he always rue the day?
Can he not see our dismay?
Is there another way?  
  
Nay.
  
Because this black pearl is still recording me.
Embezzling my privacy.
Working so quickly and silently.
Until finally, our emotions were gone entirely.  
  
The black pearl is the camera who watches me,  
  
blatantly.

You're there and she's there.
Nestled on the grassy knoll.
Our lips like magnets.

I'm like a rusty leaf.
Scratching across the sidewalk,
ushered by the breeze.

Dear sweet December,
you were swift with a firm kiss.
Winter stained my tongue.

September romance.
Forged from sugary kisses,
and tastes of Autumn.

So I was at Subway.
When I saw a pair of spicy meatballs
walk through the door.
*******, she was so sizzling.
Party in the front,
party in the back,
and yes, I would like that toasted.
She made my $5.00 Foot-long
feel like it was $4.95.

Eyes,  
windows to the soul.
We all look to find
the secrets that they hold.

Solitude
can be found.
Right across the river.
Homeward bound.

Just
two
strangers
on
the
street.
  
A
boy,
a
girl.
  
Suddenly,
shoulders
bump,
eyes
meet.
  
“Oh,
sorry!”
I
said.
  
She
simply
smiled
one
lovely
grin,
  
and
for
just
a
second
  
It
seemed
like  

we
were
much
more
than


Just
two
strangers
on
the
street.

Never
will I
forget
her.

Eyes,
God her
eyes.
Just as mine,
hazel.

Lips,
red as
wine.
How I
longed
for her
lips
upon
mine.

Hair,
flown down
from her
head,
shined  
so heavenly
in the
sunlight.

Before
I fade
away,
I wish
to cut
into
my soul
and divide
it
away.

Someday,
one day,
she will find
me.
Deep in her
mind.

This day
I will know
that these
words
from my innermost
soul,
were not penned
in vain,
never.

I am
always falling for
the pavement.
The cold,
the rough,
the hard
pavement.

This pavement
yells,
screams
for me.

So
I look
and
I stare,
all day
and
all night,
giving it the
attention
I think it
deserves.

You begin
to realize  
the pavement is
a thing of
beauty.
So smooth,
so equal,
so perfect.
  
I yearn for
the pavement,
its wonder
more exquisite  
than anything
else in my
life.

Yet I am
clumsy
and trip,
and fall,
colliding  
with the
pavement.

Crimson
droplets
fall from
my nose,
landing on
the pavement
as I leave
the pavement.

It was hard
like falling
in love,
but not
being loved
in return.

I  
live
a
life
of
blank.

She
was
so
beautiful,

but
never
mine.

My
brain
tries
found
force
sound
into
my  
ears.

But
all
I
hear
is
silence.

Her eyes
glanced
at
me.

She then
smiled.

She stuck
out
from the
rest.

Bold,
like a  
king size
Sharpie.

My
generation
is
blind.
So very
blind.

We must always
be infomed.
Informed
about our
friends,  
our
peers,
our
parents.

So we
take to
our
smartphones,
our
laptops,
our
technology.
So we can
fulfill
this  
addiction
of
information
about
other
people.

Because
being informed
feels like,
almost
feels like
we have
friends.

Either way,
we keep the
boulder
rolling.

The boulder
of outdated
Iphones
and
Ipods.

So we can
keep ourselves
updated,
always
updated.

Updated
to the
point
of
updating
our
social network
statuses  
to inform
others about
how good it
feels
to be
updated.

Because
all the
cool kids
have
the Iphone
6.

Therefore
updating
ourselves
updates
the status
of our
popularity.

Because who
judges
books by
their cover
when you have
the
coolest
phone case.

Because
I live in
a world
where I
can buy
a love.
So how
much is
happiness?

In a
world where
the only
real
is
fake,
I plead to
my generation.
Please,
look with your
eyes
and not
your
phones.

I have
lost.

The  
competition
is over.

I will remain
without a
lover.

do you
hear me?

she walks
passed

she must be
deaf

do you  
see me?  

she walks  
passed  

she must be
blind

one screams into
the void
yet all one
can hear in
return are
the screams
of others

others
who make up
the world
others
who fulfill
the fullness of
reality

their screams
are so pungent
and loud
For their screams
are of great  
persuasion

this is a
persuasion
fuelled  by
pressure

a common  
pressure
asserted
by the  
screams
the screams
of others

but one asks
what is this  
pressure

please listen  
to my words

ones life
is a dictated
sequence

a pattern
of sorts

a pattern  
pre-determined
by the
screams
the screams  
of others

who scream  
and scream

who tell you
what to want
what to do
what to love
what to believe

somewhere
deep in the  
void one must
search for  
the sound
the sound  
of  
one’s self

heart beat
heart failure

drums beat! beat! beat!
i hear them vibrate
from my head to my feet
  
you make them loud
my love
for in my heart
your echoes repeat
with beat! beat! beat!
  
for it is you my love who keeps my heart beating
beating like the drums from the start
  
so beat! beat! beat!
heart and drums alike!
beat for her
beat for him
beat until you feel it limb-to-limb
  
for you my lover i knew it true
that our hearts beat together
two-by-two
  
so please!
BEAT! BEAT! BEAT!
at home or on the street!
to the heart of drum!
to the heart of the soul!
find love in life
and make it whole
beat. beat. beat.

i leave the lights on
and my mind unlocked
so you can come back
whenever you want

oh
god she is there
with her short black dress
and her short blond hair
oh
how i yearn to tell her
tell her that i care

down
down deep into my heart
so i can show you that
you were there from the start

here i am
existing
thrown into this world on a whim
without the help of her or him
her i am
existing
  
i wonder as i wander through the words in my head
why should i exist
why shouldn't i be dead
  
here i am
outside in the winter snow
trying to figure out
the things i don't know
  
the snow is cold
much like other things
such cold as the ice
or cold as the wind
  
that’s just it
as i leave the snow and sit
next to the fire
  
you and me
we feel things
with our fingers
or our feet
  
we feel warmth
we feel cold
we have senses
touch
taste
sound
sight
scent
  
we use these senses
to grab a sense
of reality
yet what is reality
and how does it have a sense
of me
  
here i am
existing side-by-side
with reality
the reality that defines me
but can i define reality
  
knives are sharp
and guns can ****
so no i don't think i can
nor never will
  
here i am
her i exist
a slave of reality
  
a
slave
of
reality
  
no
no
no this is wrong
how can i be free
yet not truly free
i have no reason
not to **** me
  
here i am
existing
and resisting
searching for something
more important than anything
  
meaning
  
reality! reality!
oh great definer of lives!
you have taken my life
cut it open with a knife
and removed
  
my
purpose
of
life
  
reality! reality!
please give it back me
so i can be happy
knowing my goal
making my life
whole
  
reality…
...reality
i now believe i know
what you have taken from me
i now believe i know
where it lies
  
for my heart is my heart
and my heart is full
full of life
(full of strife!)
  
because reality. reality.
the only me is me
and no great reality
not even thee
can define me
  
i define my own
reality,
me.