I like to pretend like three days sober
means I’m getting better
but

I’ve still got battlefields played out on my wrists

and just because my veins aren’t pumping liquor tonight
doesn’t mean those half empty bottles aren’t staring me in the face

and I can hear that rusty pipe calling out my name
like you and I both know
I can stop the bleeding for a few hits of the good stuff

and maybe then I won’t feel
the nasty bite as I claw through flesh

too many Oxy and I might lose my ****
literally


three days sober like I’m getting better
but when my head’s not swimming through alcohol dreams

I’ve just found another way to **** me

I’ve tasted real love

I stopped getting drunk
because your lips
were enough to make my head swim

and the only times I was getting high
was with you

I didn’t have to hide
besides
you heard all my bad jokes
a hundred times over

and you still laughed
like it was the first I told it

I’ve tasted real love
in the softness of your skin

I don’t need another girl’s body
you were enough

I’ve felt what it’s like to be in love at 4 a.m.
and when you dropped me
I felt what it’s like to shatter

I won’t bother with the broken pieces

I’ve tasted real love
and baby
that’s all I wanted

you left bruises on my skin

they’re not like the ones my father left
they feel more like love than hate

I’m afraid of letting them fade

they’re proof you were here
you were here
and when they’re gone..

I’ve spent too long trying to convince myself you still want me
and for a moment
it seemed as though you did
still want me..

but at the end of the day
you’re still with him

why is it kissing you tastes sweeter
knowing I shouldn’t

but I’m still choking back the bitter guilt

I don’t belong here..

you left bruises on my skin
in the shape of your lips
they don’t belong here either

but it’s the closest thing to love I’ve felt in a long time

and now he’s breathing “****” down your neck
and you’ve mistaken it for love

I had never laughed so hard in my life

and I knew if a girl could make me laugh like that she must be made of the stars

and to think

I fell for a girl with constellations inside of her



when all I asked for

was a kiss

I’m sick of writing about stars
and girls who will never be as good as I try to make them sound

I’ve exhausted my love for sappy cliches
and dumb metaphors that probably don’t make sense to anyone but me

she was filled with galaxies
she had constellations inside of her
she planted flowers in my lungs

I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I can’t-

****
I can’t even remember what she looks like anymore..

I’m all closed lips
didn’t know how to say I love you without
sounding like all the people that never meant it the first time

I know you didn’t mean it the last time
come back
you left your roses in my chest
their thorns ripping holes in my lungs

this is not the place for flowers

I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I can’t…

I miss you

2:04 a.m.
they said you're never coming back but all your things are still here

3:42 a.m.
none of your clothes smell like you anymore

3:42 a.m.
the brandy tastes more like you than he does