How was school?

My mind starts racing
looking for wrids
horrible
loney depreesing
disheartning
painful
hateble
Embarssing
A costume party

Yet all I say is good

I want a man
someone to hold onto
somone I can trust
I will never give up
until I find the one

Hearts don't lie
But why do I feel betrayed by everything it tells me
I'm suffocating because my heart is convincing me I need you to breathe
But I was breathing alone just fine before you
I was being alone just find before you
I'm trying not to be angry
I'm trying not to hate you
Because I understand it's not your fault
This is not what you want
But you had a choice
You have a choice
And your decisions have hurt me
I told you this would happen
But when I said it I should of believed
I should of listened to myself
But instead I'm here again
Hating somone I love with a passion
For being happy
Without me

“Hey whats your favorite color? I mean you're blind so do you not have one? or can you image it?”
“I dont have a favorite color, that “blind thing” means i can't see them, so i never really choose a favorite.”
“Thats sad, imma help you see colors.”
“I dont understa-”
“shhh” he said as he put his soft finger to her lips and made her forget her question.
“Remember when we felt the sun? The warmth and the the feeling of pure life we got from it?”
He traces his fingers up her arms and says” The covering of it, and the pringling feeling we get on our skin when we feel it?”
She loses herself in his touch. “Yeah it was beautiful.”
“Well yes, that was what people say is yellow. Some people say it is overwhelming, but i think its refreshing and reassuring.”
Georgia nods and leans into his shoulder.
“Now red, red is strong.”
“There is this song by Tyler Ford, and its literally the only way i can explain red.” He reaches over her, his arm across her stomach, and pulls the guitar on his lap. He puts his arm around her shoulder and reaches back to the guitar. He started to play, and sing in the worse voice Georgia has ever heard. She smiled and tried to focus on the words, and not the feeling of yellow she feels from his arm around her shoulders.

He doesn't understand how much I try
try to do things right
make him see me fully
that I am not completely
foolish
I do everything
somehow  he doesn't see
see me for me
and all of the things
I do to make him believe
never come out how it should be seen
thanks everyone but me
so now I am broken
I tried to stay strong
but it broke me
he never saw how much I tried
to stay strong for him
keep everything ok
But today was my breaking day

Depressed?
No.. I think you have the wrong soul
because I no longer take that as my identity

Sick?
I'm sorry are you talking to me?
I have been healed and will never let a disease be my reality

Lost?
Not exactly
I found myself a long time ago and decided
Other people will no  longer define me

Living on the outside
scared of the light
breaking from the inside
full of fright
trying to be kind
im losing my might
I promise you i tried
tried to be polite
I dont wanna die

Monsters never leave us

They just sleep

until we think we are safe

Then our demons come back

and we realize they never left

She leaned on her religion
yoiu called it weak
but to me it is the strongest thing see
because she was christian and she wasnt afriad to tell anybody
you see this is how most christians see and react to things
they say
"I dont hide my christianity
if it comes up in a conversation I might say something
I will be nice if people need me
but I dont walk around knocking on doors
I  dont go out evangaling
So christian is not what people see when they see me
thats not my problem
not my fault that they dont see the signs
that they cant read between the lines
not because of me"
and then they say
"I don't hide my christianity"

I wish you where enough
To give oxygen to my dead lungs
To teach my heart how to beat
To show me how to give love

I wish you where enough
To show me what real
Make me feel whole
Teach me how to feel

I wish you where enough
To give me hope
Make me wanna live with myself
Help me throw away my rope

I wish you where enough
To give me enough strength
To send my demons away
So we can be happy

I wish you where enough
To save me

This kid use to love to laugh
it was the only thing he had
that made him glad
and others to
up until he was 3
he only lived with his mommy
Then a man showed up and said he can call him daddy
this new man his mom marred
was making his life very happy
when he was in the room
the young kid would always start laughing
then one day that man left
without a goodbye on his lips
and he stopped laughing
better yet he stopped feeling
Some people say he had depression
but they aren't listening
he just needs some love and
maybe he will smile again
but for now the only time he smiles is in memories
because that is the only thing that makes him happy
He will only laugh when he sees his daddy

I feel empty
you screamed at me
and I would be crying
if I didn't stop feeling

I don't know when that started
when I started to feel nothing
but I know its happening

Because while you where screaming at me to stop
telling me that what I was saying hurt you
I didn't

I wanted to
or at least I wanted to want to
but I stopped feeling

I can only put out what I had left
and all i had in me
was hurt

when all of my hurt
grows to much
and pushes out my joy and other things
I can only give out
is what' left in me

That is why I cant stop hurting

Im sorry I dont believe you
It's not that i havent tried

but i have been betrayed so much in my life
I'm sorry these things take time

I'm sorry i dont know how it feels
to be left a lone

I'm sorry I cant relate
I'm sorry I cant read you
I'm sorry I dont know you tells

It's not that I havent tried
But ever time i do
I tell my self to stop

because i dont read people to know
like you do
or i think you do

I do it to figure people out
the first thing i try to do is hurt them
the first thing i do is find thier weaknesses

So that when the time comes
I can use it against them

But yes i have tried
tried to read you
but that is one thing i havent been able to do

I'm sorry i dont know you
I wish i did
I'm sorry I'm not the friend

That you needed

I wish I was sorry
I wish i cared
But when you've broken somebody
You gotta leave the pieces there
Let them carry themselves back up
And put the pieces together
Give them time and space to heal
But know theyll be wounded forever

Like me

Smile, im gonna die soon

You hide
You hide behind your jokes and lies
you hide
you hide behind your disguse
and don't want people to realize
that you hide
you dont want me to see with my own eyes
and that makes you like me
so you can keep hiding
until you let me see
who you are and who you will  be

She writes
She writes because nothing else in her world seems right
So the only she knows how to get it out
Is to write
So she spends days
And night
Holding a pencil and she writes
Writes poems and stories
That is really deep
In those words is a person only that piece of paper meets
And when people ask her is she is ok
The answer is in the poem she wrote today
Because she lives to write
That is how she tells people things
To bad most of her poems
People have never seen
She writes and writes
Continuously
And that girl is me

Death is funny in a way
Knowing it is coming makes you wanna live
no matter how many times you asked for it
the reality of death
makes you want life

Maybe there is someone who can make you happy
Maybe there is someone who can show you love
Maybe there is someone who will love you enough to save you

But that person is not me

Yes I have tried
Trust and believe
This is the truth neither of us want to face
Don't shed a tear
No need to cry
Im just not that guy
I don't want to force it
Because when I say I love you
We both know I lie
I don't want to make you pretend you love me
When I can see in your eyes that's one thing you don't do
Im not breaking up with you
In showing you our love has already died
Please
Don't cry
I hate to see your tears
We have tried to make it work for all these years
You are an amazing woman
I want you to be Happy
And with me
That will not be
I tried to love you
Trust me I tried
But this is goodbye

I'm not here to tell you you are wrong
i know a lot of christians sing that song
But I'm not going to tell you you were right either
I'm here to talk about love
Love is strong
love can tear a world apart
love is the way he still listens to us
when we pray for things out of jealousy
love shouldn't be on the streets
Yes, love is on the streets
People are in gangs because the love attracts them
they make an attachment
to a thin layer of love
that tends to fall short often
You might think they would realize thats not where they should go
but love attracts more than you know
They should go to the church but that is not where helpless people flow
Because the church is no longer filled with love
And don't get me wrong I've seen amazing things with help from above
but since that doesn't happen a lot
hopeless people turn to ***
Then the church is the first place the gossip goes
The preacher talks about drugs that Sunday
he didn't say your name
but everyone knows he is talking about you anyway
Then the hopeless people leave the church
and they are back on the streets
You see where I am going with this?
We are quick to blame them
yet we are to blame too
They jumped off a cliff and we talked about them as they fell
not knowing if we will ever see them again
And you fake like your their friend
till you slip up and they stab you in the back
do you think God will be pleased with that?
Lets rewind back to when Jesus was on Earth
He loved us more than we knew
while he was on the crosse he screamed
"Forgive them, they know not what they do!"
Yet you still don't know do you?
Do you know you are hurting the people God loves?
Hurting them when they did nothing to you
And they thought you loved them too
Jesus forgave you, and you didn't know the power of what you do
Right now I am telling you
You don't have the right   to talk about a man because he has tattoos
Or even judge a girl because you think she stole her shoes
Or even gossip about a dead beat dad drinking *****
because one day that might be you
Let me tell you what to do
love
because then you have the assurance one day someone will do the same for you
You see love is like a bandage mending broken wounds
Love is  a wall you can lean on
like the souls in your shoes
They keep people from falling
and they catch you if you do
love is something that makes people brand new
love is inside of you
Give love
because there is someone who needs it from you

There was this  girl named bella
she was about 12 and she was saved
it was heroes day at school
and she didn't want to look like a fool
so instead of writing about her real hero
she wrote about her dad
and that made everyone glad
but what she didn't realize
there was some thing
he was a dork I admit
but what wasn't afriad to tell you what he thinks
so when he got up he said
"my hero is jesus
because he saved me"
then bella's friends started laughing
and so did she
but inside she wished she had the guts
to go up on stage and talk about Jesus's love
like he

Its funny how kids try to make themselves look older
and adults try to make themselfs look young

There are two types of people we all need
Someone to make us smile
And somone to remind us to cry

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too ******* you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

My pencil writes on
My paper, and nothing comes
Out, Haikus are hard

Music is a language only some can speak
When a song comes on and you get out of you seat
When the strum of a violin means more the the words he sings
Music is amazing
Words strike the mind
but music strikes the heart
Music can tear your world apart
Then put it back together
Music tells a story
a story only some can hear
Music can sway you
and destroy all of your fear
Music is amazing
Music is always near

Your words cut me deeper than my knife

its was the only other time i have felt alive

Distance yourself from her and others things that are hurting you

And Fill the wholes they left with God

In came I at the end of the storm
Soaked through to the skin with icy rain
I six or seven weeks old abandoned once again
Too young to believe in the spoken eventuality of spring
Of which the elders told mystically the unseen shifts would bring

Too young to conceptualize the marsh grass
dry, the blue skied sun ablaze in the sky
Too young to believe in clouds of butterfly
Driven forward by the simple wish not to die

Came I to the door and mewling stood
Until it opened and into gargantuan
Heated arms lifted and I folded into them apparently for good

Was I wise?
When in I came
Warmed in those flanneled human arms
Dried with a towel from icy rain
I lie on floors polished to a shining glow
warm, clean and fed I see myself grow

Outside the glass the wind howls
The trees now iced and bare
Would I have lived to test the mythic spring
I know not that, know only this one thing

That should the time actually come when
All outside transforms to warm, scented green
It will through 'pain' of clean impenetrable
Glass by me, safe, ensconced, separated,
Looking out from within - be not ever felt, yet ever seen

I was staring into the night watching the time click by
Right then you walked into my life
that was the last night
I watched the starts alone

We where up there dancing
The two brightest stars you could see
With smiles that where brighter than the moon

We where beautiful

Then you left me
We ended up being nothing

That night I went to watch the stars
and remebered us dancing
us shining
but now all i have is memories
because we became nothing

Nothing but fallen stars

I'm sitting here trying to be strong
listening to passenger songs
trying to find out what is going on
i try to sing along

but i know the words far to well
because I know how he felt
I know what it felt like when he fell

I'm sitting her trying to be strong
listening to passenger songs
wondering where you have gone

I am a liar
as simple as that
I know you don't see many people
stating their problems as a fact
but I am

I am judgemental
I judge everyone
on everything
I know I'm not the only one judging
but right now I am the only one admitting

I'm a manipulator
I change things to my will
so that people will believe everything I think

I'm not perfect
and neither are you
so I suggest you let it out
so you can make you a better you

Have you ever felt lonely?
as in the world is stacked against you
and you dont know where your going

I live not knowing
why im not desirable
do i seem not aquirable
what is wrong with me?

Have you ever felt lonely?
because its hopelessly depressing
like drowinging in a lake and no one is besides me
I'm lonely
and I'm tired of living

Claude......

I never thought I would have to leave you
I always thought you would leave me

I want to stay in this world
but its not where i was meant to be
in this place i cant be me
I dont know what to believe

and now im sitting here
writing about my life
wondering how to make it past this fight
then realizing i shouldnt

I know thats not what you want to hear
but the end of my story is near
this world is ful of fear
and i dont want to be scared
im sorry im leaving
but I was just not meant to be here

I cant sleep
but I would rather stay up knowing
you are somewhere awake thinking about me
We cant sleep

I came to a revalation yesterday

I need help

All night I was up

my friend was sleeping over

but I was restless

thinking about knifes

and how great it would be if everyone else woke up and I didn't


I need help